god gives grace to the humble.
but he is so arrogant...


my phone spoiled! dropped on the floor and the screen spoiled. all my photos are GONE... oh well.. took mum's spare phone :]
dangsdangsdangsdangs. cut my frindge.
this year's christmas was the most... extrodinary one. HA! did nothing much. didnt feel the christmas season. but anyway i went for buffet with mum and bro and his girlfriend at takashimaya.
love covers the person's goods and even the faults seems perfect. but what happens when love fades?
ohhh. its the 37th day of green beret. POOF! time just flies pass like this. i bet no one in this world has a better and more fruitful holidays than ours :]

friends are those that release you to be who you are and release you into your destiny.
woww. thats a powerful statement and if i apply that statement to my life, i can truly say i have never been a friend to anyone... but i thank God that i will learn to be.
- & you are occupying every part of me

ohhh baby :]]
the day passed so fast. wanted to go home after green beret, thinking it was only 4 noon and when i check my hp it was already 5pm. so went with nat and gang for dinner at shuhui's place. the food is great!! yumyum. and after we fast, we always feast. that totally defeats the purpose doesnt it? WAHAHA. then headed for prophetic meeting. mum phoned and she wasnt very happy cause im always away from home. BLABLABLA.
i think im in love and im learning to appreciate relationships. ehe. i really enjoy green beret alot, with a whole bunch of great people. i just enjoy time with them. no where else will i be able to find people like them who are just like me. HAHA. where we can openly confront and cry and laugh together and not judge. a place where you know you can be real and still be loved for who you really are. :]
after which nat drove us to khatib station and rebec and moses and i went to macdonalds! dangs. shaker fries are out of stocks in khatib and admiralty mac =.= ooh. and that stupid book tha moses has. it looks so complicated. so i really duno i should be jealous or laugh at the pathetic him. HAHA.anyway we crapped and home i went. hahaha. thabnks for sending me home! poor rebec got bullied by my channel 5. HEH. but i love you sweetie! MUACKSMUACKSMUACKS!
cancelled the movies with jerome tomorrow. really wished i could go. but mum is.... sighs.

today was such a great day at green berets :] hehe. we talk on topics that hardly will anyone in this world teach you about. it inserted the right values in all of us and im sure thankful to our awesome mentor :]
met jerome for dinner today. i was late. went to the library and i had my nose stuck in the books. HHAHA. my sincere apology and i know you are oh-so -nice and im forgiven :]had REAL yogurt that cost like three scoops for 5 bucks? and gui ling gao and durian cake! yummyummyummm.. what great satisfaction! durian cakes are my childhood okay...! when i stayed with my grandma then, each year when my birthday arrives, grandma will order home-made durian cake from our neighbour and it taste superb. till now i havent found one as nice as the one that she bakes. if you have any nice durian cake to introduce to me, please do ! - and help me find back my childhood. hehe. and time really just pass so fast. its nice to meet up with 'old' friends and catch up. TAG ME OKAY! anything. you can confess im dearly missed too. HAHA. and dont forget you have a task in hand by me! looking forward for movies this thursday!

anyhow, i received a letter from SP and i went online to check out their website again. like always, music and audio tech. they're having an open house again and i guess im going. anyone want to accompany me?
i suddenly have this sudden rush of love hormones for the keyboard. HAHA. what sentence structure. BLA. SEASONS OF LOVE

how i wish time could just turn back to those faithful days.
regretted doing what i did. OH well. perhaps i should just let go and move on with life. besides i did say that it was the last time i was ever gona talk about it.
LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS :]
anyhow, christmas is coming and time just pass so fast. its just one week and one day away.
and dangs. my schedule is such that i will be home late every single day till next tuesday i really should pray that my mum dont blow at me. *panic*
gona meet a dearly missed friend of mine tomorrow! wee. makan session!!! good good. gona be oh-so-hungry by the time we meet and YEAH!! eat eat eat all the junk food! heheheh.
wednesday wil be prayer and thursday is movies and friday is prayer and saturday is miracle svc and sunday is yyb and blablabla. heh busy am i. i am busy. busy is me. :]]]
had a great time after green beret! makan session with chicken rice! they started preparing early noon and man. the smell just lingers in the air. imagine the agony we are put through -.-
then we just had fun and chatted and blablabla and rebec and baby and i went mac.
shake shake shake shaker fries!!!

darlings sweeties pies.
i have created a new blog. come and ask me for the link okay! :]
loves loves loves!

and its occupied it by you, the unknown :]:]:]:]:]:]
beeboooo... my leg still hurts. i miss camp... i miss staying in the hotel... the seminars are boring but i miss.....
went to watch the ten commandments today. great show. i really dont mind watching it again and again.
i cant believe its december already.. christmas is coming!! wee. and and and. i really want to start school asap. i miss schooling! but definitely not nss. a new phrase of life. POLY! dangs. i may have to loan from the bank to study. i even thought of going to JC cause it is cheaper. HAHA. crap shit. i definitely wont unless God tells me to. man. i had enough of books! hahah. now its laptop okay. hi-tech leh.
going to dance this sunday and next! heh heh. so excited and so happyyy!!

i love brother!
*BEAMS.
today is one of my most joyful days of my life!!
i went dinner with mum and bro. had crabs! yumyumyum.
went home and bro was trying to put on his contact lens.
i was buffered why didnt the assistant coach him on how to get that circular plastic thingy into his eyes.
he said he was in a rush =.= so apparently i took our the job of the assistant - and more.
usually they teach you how to do it and you experience sticking that plastic thing into your eyes. but pathetic (oh poor thing) brother just cant seems to do it so I put the lenses in for him. yeah. first time in my life and i actually agreed to put it in?! i touched his eyebals. HAHA. creepy. had a great time laughing out loud cause he cant stop blinking his eyes and apparently he wore his contact lenses in the wrong eyes and words like $#&$I%& came out of his mouth. haha. i really love him and its such a joy to serve him even as he keep shouting 'girl! come here' multiple times. in my heart i was telling god, I really dun mind him calling me around as long as i get to have such intimacy with him. I really really really love my brother. but somehow we are always so distant.
so he COMMANDED me to accompany him to buy things related to the lenses. had a great chat with him and know about his life more. joke about stuff like marriage. HAH. he said he may not want to get married and even if it was to find a gf it had to be after he is out of navy which is 2012. and so i joked and said.. wah. by that time i gt bf lo. later i marry earlier then you know. and we just joke and laugh :] he thought i already have a boyfriend. %&^%(^%& hahah. because of the pictures that are stored in the computer thats why he thought i had one.
the only memory i had of us was when he held my hands when we crossed the road when i was reallll young and that memory alone is precious to me. the one and only one i had.
you can nvr comprehend the pride i have in me each time i walk beside my brother outside. it was this inner pride that just want to shout 'he's my brother!'

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE BROTHER!! :]:]:]:]
dangs. i think guys in strpied shirts are still as hot as ever!
HAHAHAHA. misses and kisses to you.

i miss i miss i miss and i really miss you.

i really miss i really miss i really miss and i really miss seeing you.

a thousand and one words and a thousand and one thoughts that cant be expressed.

just a peep. But you know what's best and appropriate.

a story that will unfold beautifully.

into your hands i commit again and again.

HELLO!
just came back from church camp in malaysia, claimed six star hotel. but apparently not really like six star that grand leh. not maintained well i guess. kinda boring camp. its seminars after seminaars and their food is real bad.
okay. i should not complain cause at least i have food to eat right. but im just merely stating facts!! i only take a few bites for every meal and end up feeling hungry through the day. ha! not bad not bad. maybe will slim down. LOL.
i enjoyed the second night the most. when we all went HIGH.

we took over the stage and led the others in praise. HAHA. jump jump jump. then the leaders wanted us to present it on the third day morning. and so we did. and on that FINE DAY, i jump down from the stage and SPRAINED MY LEGGG!!
first time in my life can. then someone told me go soak in hot water and so i did. but it didnt seems to help. in fact i feel that it got worst. have a hard time walking. then we had some theme night stuff that night. leg hurts real bad.
bernice helped me to rub the O BA KA. then piang. more and more pain! haha. then some doctor and nurse came to attend to me. put medicine, ice, and wrap my leg in some pillow sheet. darling rebecca carried me back to my room.
man. i really arent light i know. thanks so much. i really appreciate it :] and i really want to thank you.

im sorry sometimes i appear to be stubborn, whereby i dont want you to carry me and my stuff etc. but its because i dont want to trouble you.
i dont want to feel as if im making use of you. i dont want you to tire yourself up because of me. as far as i could, i try to do things on my own. and its also because i have nvr felt so weak in my life before. I used to go where i want to go and do what i want to do. but that day was one of the day that i felt the most useless, least helpful person. i was always so independent.

circumstances forced me to. and suddenly circumstances made me feel so weak and uncomfortable. i had to trouble everyone to do stuff for me. and i feel real sucky inside me. but it was always that day that i realised that perhaps i haven really trusted god. my horizontal relationship reflects my relationship with God isnt it. perhaps i had never really love someone and i have never given myself a chance to be loved.im sorry. thats my way of loving you- by not wanting to trouble you. but yet we contradict one another.

ahaha. you care by showing with ur actions while i care by not wanting to trouble you. SIGHS. but i really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

I LOVE YOU :] you are indeed one that is kind hearted and filled with compassion. and i know that you are made for great things :]

and so on the forth day i was wheeled around on a wheel chair. people were like staring at me can. i so wanted to go stright to their face and tell them 'oei. im normal okay. dont gimme that look' LOL. thats what i really felt. HAHA. thoughts just flooded my mind. im only gona sit on the wheelchair for today. but there are other people who have to depend on it for a lifetime. how brave must they be to face up to reality.... it was then that i was filled with compassion. a part of me cant help but give thanks to god for this 'misfortune'. it was this event that showed me how much i depended on myself and not god. as it is said, our horizontal relationship reflects our relationship with god. and because of this event, im forced to be loved and to accept the love ppl give to me. yeah. in every mess, theres a message :]

chefs are the talk of the town now!

haha, talk of the town named grace. lol. i always enjoy dramas that features chefs cooking and baking. they are hot! haha. lol. guys in striped shirts are outdated already!!
babybabybabybaby.
im excited for camp tomorrow!!
WEEEEsss!! got to wake up early but nevermind. get to sleep on the journey there. SIX STAR HOTEL! im assuming i dont have to bring towel, toothbrush, shampoo and soap etc. BEST IF GOT IRON BOARD. hahahahahaha. this is my first ever CHURCH CAMP! text daddy that im going malaysia tomorrow and ended with 'i love you' and he called me immediately and was surprised that TOMORROW im leaving already. LOL. feelings are getting real. getting real am i with my feelings. real i getting am with my feelings. feelings are getting real with me. LOL. perhaps this is a bitter experience but sweet result. i dont know the outcome. but God is interested in the process isnt it? so then i shall just let the feelings be feelings and draw closer to god.. P-E-R-H-A-P-S.
i kinda realise i haven been analysing for quite a while. HA! so unlike me. i only realised when i started analysing again today. yeah. judgemental? i don't know. bro is waking up at 5.30am tomorrow. apparently was my waking up time. but i self conclude that i shall wake up ten mintues earlier then him so i can use the toilet first. HA. if not he always win. NOT FAIR!

good nights.

its a MIRACLE. Ten days since i updated. i used to blog every single day okay. HAHA.

been busy lately with green beret training.

i wana go austin tomorrow......

DANGS.

went out with faith today. shop shop shop. HEHE. off to far east we went. bought three gorgeous shirts :] andandand. the best part is this. a can of green tea with cheese hot dog in 'mushmallow'. apparently we both named it mushmallow when it was.. MASH POTATO. and apparently we both didnt realise it till awhile later =.= that was so shiok. to rest ur legs after walking for so long. HEAVEN.... didnt had the opportunity to try the fried mars bar. but i heard that it is real sweet and i dont want to have more pimples popping out so i kindly avoided that. HAHA! im a vain ass. blabla. i used to think it is a SIN to dress up. and boy how 'naive' can i get. haha.

i cant WAITTT for church camp!! weee... counting down by two days..... one.... twoooo... BOOOM!! before you realise I'm already in malaysia happily warming my bed with my body in a SIX STAR hotel. WOOTs. its so dang cool! allow me to rattle on and on for all i want. HA! just in case you missed me real bad :]

changed back my old phone with dad last night. really really missed this phone. though it arent the latest compared to the earlier one. but... HUMANS HAVE FEELINGS? to handphones too? haha. crap yeah CRAP.

got to pack my house tomorrow! MESS. and mum is dating me for dinner tomorrow. LOL.

she's nagging at me for.... wanting to go austin when im leaving on wednesday. though i told her i ll rush back for dinner but she said its impossible i will make it on time. LOL.

FINEEE!

im mentally preparing my self for poly lifestyle. it kinda makes you feel old cause from what my friend said, theres alot of freedom so suddenly you feel very 'adult' . yeah. i kinda dread it in the beginning. but somehow im seeing a new light to it. HAHA. its a new step to life. a brand new thing all along. cool. people said that poly life is very HAPPENING. well. shall keep you updated when i have a first hand experience. aha. and come to think of it... its like... from primary six , ranking the highest in school, you turn to secondary one and suddenly reality smack you that HEY. YOU ARE NOW THE YOUNGEST IN RANKING. same. from secondary four. the big JIEJIEs, we are demoted to poly YEAR ONE.but apparently everyone looks like the same. meaning in age. cant be guessed. but man is it insulting t have this person coming to me to ask if i was graduating that year. but of course. that is impossible cause i look so YOUNG AND INNOCENT. HEH.

friends are all working. playing. sleeping. eating and GROWING fat. haha. but we are getting smarter and cleverer and SLIMMER. LOL. go go berets!

OH HAPPY DAY~

this song kept ringing in my mind and hey. its a cool song.

apparently i changed my blogskin and i duno how to change certain things and SOMEHOw there is just so much space left below. YOU KNOW WHAT I TRYING TO BRING ACROSS? and therefore because it really look far from nice, i decided to just type my hands off (nice english eh) and fill up the space. only but flaunting my in born nature / skill of singaporeans - kiasu. or perhaps kia si. AHAHA. im just trying to blog all my ten MIA days and my four foreseen MIA days. LOL. i can predict the unseen. :] the passing of mental what. HA!

Life arent smooth sailing but definitely transforming.

A HEART OF GRATITUDE. what more can i say?

oh yeah. you reading this post now. CLASS OF YOUR OWN. i mean. you actually read my nonsense. ha! but since you are already here, continue to entertain me and read on lah. HAHAHHAHAH. but it will all be shit and continue to be shit.

IM GOING MALAYSIA! IM NOT GOING TO BE IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE IN SINGAPORE! ha. but i guess it wont be that big a problem since my phone is usually left alone daily from nine to five and apparently not much ppl text me now except.. and ever missing me fans - dad and mum. LOL.

about ten more cm to fill. met me think... for church camp there are going to be many seminars. sure hope that they would be of benefit and OH are we gona know one another better. ha! GOD GIVE US GRACE, AMEN. TADAH! grace is here ~~~ lol. with the three days of shopping i think i kinda bought my christmas and new year clothings =.=

HAHA. im real BLESSED.
even in the green beret training as we see one another for forty days, God just nicely allow us to rub one another and boy do i see my own ugliness. i do get into self condemnation once in awhile but I MUST NOT BE PRIDEFUL! hahhaaha. misses and kisses and hugsses. LOL. LALA land off i went.