ITS WAS ALL BUT AN ILLUSION


hello :]
im happy. or maybe not.
HA. met mummy for dinner.
honestly, guys in striped shirts are GORGEOUS. HAHA.
lame shit. but yeah. its true. i just happen to run into many people wearing stripes shirt and man. they look good. so i came up with my own concept that.

GUYS ARE HOT IN STRIPED SHIRTS.

please dont shake your head.and i know someone who is capable of doing this while reading the above :P its just a part of a girl's life and its HEALTHY ALRIGHT.
i mean. its more 'wrong' if i start ranting that hey. girls in... skirts are sexy? or or or. ERM. girls are hot in red lipstick? ha! LOL.
it was all about me in my own la la land. LALALALA.
i cant help but wish. but i know i will make use of a scissors if i knew.

READ BETWEEN THE LINES LAHH.

okay. im starting with my devotion. motivated by james, driven by competition. haha! kidding. i haven reach the stage of competing with guys. AND. i SERIOUSLY am just kidding. (laughs)
guys hold no threat to me. well, not now. HEHE.
but im excited of the journey with God. a brand new journey, and its no turning back.
the vision of Jesus hanging on the cross all beaten and blooded and wounded yet with loving eyes look down at me. its deeply engraved in my bird's brain. ANTI-CLIMAX. but hey. im not cursing myself (brain, i love you, i really do. HEH ) i mean. when i underestimate the power of god, i cant help but feel as if my brain has reduced to that of a bird.
yeah. the vision. He didnt spoke a word. But his eyes... it said it all. it sent me to tears. in those pain and rejection, he looked upon me with eyes of love...

crap shit, shit crap, crap shit.
i know not what is going on in my brain but something is going on. emotions&thoughts etc. overwhelming thoughts that i need to settle and get over with. self-analysis people are judgemental. yeah. its me, and im judgemental. LOL. but analysing is part of me and is not totally bad, there must be a b-a-l-a-n-c-e. but hey. admitting im judgemental doesnt mean im letting it be. im dealing with that alrights. HAHAH. yeah.
im like a sittin on a roller coaster. no. thats not the description.
HMM. okay. perhaps there is this IDOL in my heart that i need t get rid of. okay. GOD I REPENT! ha! i cant help it. lol

im tired. YAWNS...

arent this song just so peaceful?

im excited about green beret. i know my life will change because in this short two days, my life has already been greatly impacted. im happy, im grateful to have such privilege to just sit there for hours. its not a torture you know. its such honour.

and im starting to come into acceptance about myself, the way i am , the way God created me and with my faults and others.

and i think im gna change my blog link to represent a new beginning. shall see how it goes. i know that im free to be myself as of today :]

EVERY SINGLE PICTURE HAS DIFFERENT EXPRESSIONS.
haha.
yeah. we are actually professionals in this line :]
CRAP SHIT.



















shuhui - ? bored? and tongue stick out?
me - preparing for a dental checkup.HA
moses- erm. too much of looney tunes.. WHATSUP DUB?




















shuhui- bored , no expression. haha!
grace -candid
moses- no teeth now. LOL



















shuhui - storing oxygen in her mouth in case no more air on earth. KIASU ha
moses - ERM.



















































letting her hair loose :]

thats what happens when you take photo while fooling around, toking on the phone with someone else.


















rules making in process.
























stupid face. my forte :]


















cam whorin alone


















SHH!























HAH! she is stickin her tongue out~




tadah. the pictures of yesterday.
even as i review the photos again, i cant help but smile to myself.
HEHEHE. :]
played in the rain.
i wanted to cry in the rain.
fine. stop EMO-ing.
LOL.

let me be honest here.
hehe.
hmm.
im learning to accept the fact that im not perfect. and im merely a sinner saved by grace.
i have many weaknesses. and yes- i hate the way i am.
but christ died for me, just the way i am. so i will learn to accept myself for my weaknesses and uglinesses , knowing that god turns our mess into messages - as desmond always says to encourage us.
though its painful to know that you are not 'perfect' ( i mean who don want to appear and let me think that they are? ), im glad i know im not. HAHA. i see a weakness, i work at it with Jesus.
i had thoughts that condemn me.
but each time, i just know that god died on the cross for me. just the way i am - ugly.
green berets, i became a total transparent piece of paper today infront of you guys. never happened before ok! haha. and i want assurance that you guys still will love me - and mean it from the bottom of your heart. if not, forget it. im learning to be honest and i sure glad i am being. haha. there will be times that i will swing back to shutting down from people, but i invite you to give me a gentle reminder to open up again. would you please? i have been cuttin and cutting for the past 16 yrs of my life can. ha. but it takes 40 day sto break a bad habit.
yeah. love. there is no love without pain. :]
we are all getting better at it.
way to go!

a life of love :]
moving from selfishness to selflessness.
my capabilities are limited.
but God can never be measured with any instrument - no matter how hard you try
and HE is my helper.
what more can i ask for?

started the day pretty messy.
but it turned out great.
hehe. met rebecca and she came to my place.
had a great time camwhoring and laughing and talking and crap shitting.
haha. i would be worn out without her boy.
thanks a zillion for your help! i so enjoyed myself today :]
shall put the pictures soon.
the UGLY photos. tahahaha!
then met a lonely boy.
dang ni gu dan, ni hui xiang qi sui? WAHAHA! damn funny can.
took neos yesterday.
living life to the fullest , improving relationship with people close to my heart.
i had a super funny dream last night can.
i woke up today laughing. HAHA!
so funny! the first time i was awaken by my own laughter while dreaming!
heh heh .
and theres also the weird part but kinda sweet. hhaa. WHATEVER.


PLEASE, IM SORRY, THANK YOU
the three most powerful words, yet least used.

the first day baby is away.
heh heh . I've got a present from baby !
something i really wanted but didnt buy.
poor her. her ferry was suppose to leave at 8 plus i guess.
but something happened so they had to wait till two.
spent my day watching dvd with faith.
had crab with mummy for dinner!!

okay.
i was just thinking how do you write a love song?
HHAAHA.
actually to write any song.
is it true that a good song can only be written when you know and experience it?
like you write songs on the love of god, you have to experience it then will your song touch people isnt it?

i guess the plans for tomorrow will be visiting the library and checking out on the books. yeah.
overall, life is dull today.
had blood shot eyes. guess it was because i was too heaty.

' every relationship changes from love to hatred ' as quoted from Des.
how true i still do not know.

misses and kisses

BOOOO!!! this is the best picture of the day!!


and so we spent the evening blowing bubbles for the kids. hahaha.

it happened when we were sitting down and looking at a group of children playing bubbles.

&i like playing with this kinda things so i initiated with baby to go buy and play.

and so we blew n blew and a group of kids started gathering around us and poking the bubbles.

tadah! seee that smile! :]

poke you poke you!
bubbles bubbles everywhere!

baby : ' delete this picture? '

grace: ' this picture nice ! dont delete ! '

grace : ' the tree very nice ! '

baby :' =.= " '

we nought two shirt at the price of $19.90 when originally it is one at $24.90.

best buy best buy! leh long leh long!

hahhhah.
had bio paper. waste of my time can.

i went to school without the confirmation slip and a PENCIL.

=.= tell me how 'DONG' can i get. ahaha.

then went to woodlands to have my all time favourite lotus soup! yumyum! then accompanied baby buy track pants.

basically we spent the day reminiscing our childhood and bringing smiles to the children's face.

oh. WE PAINTED OUR NAILS AND MAC.

stinks can. not that we stink. the nail polish actually.

okay. i got to start planning how to spent the next three days.

probably skating :] baby will rebut me and say she got to start planning how to spent her next ten days. WOOTS.

i hereby declare HOLIDAY! poor michelle. she got to mug till friday.

orgghhhh. :]

byebye baby!

I remember the times we spend together
On those drives
We had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York
Everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
Tonight

I remember the days we spend together
Were not enoughAnd it used to feel like dream
Except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight
I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come andpick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait.
I remember the car you were last seating
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus
And how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad
Sometimes not having you hereI say
Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
I say
Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come andpick me up
And every night I miss you I can justlook up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding youTonight

YULING aka miracle aka baby
is going to Karimun on wednesday.
heh heh . we are going for badminton tomorrow and swimming in the morning with faith.
damn. baby will be gone for how many days i duno.
probably more than four?
that means i will have no food partner.
:[
got to stock up on the maggie mee at home!
i will miss you badly :[
every time you go for camp i will be so bored!
grrr.
HAHAHAHA.
im down w flu and sore throat and cough.
and my voice had to go in the midst of worship.
so abrupt.
-i need to think again.-

An enigma.

i need a crony.

THE FINAL VERDICT.
ITS OVER.
good-bye to you.
hello to a brand new me.

sentosa

GREEN is the colour.
-words that smitten me right to the heart.
but i cant.
though i want.
letting go of one.
the feeling is no longer there.
i dont know what happen.
then you came.

booyah. im not burnt, im still me.
haha. poor baby, shuhui, faith, moses and paul.
they are the CHARCOALS.
cheers to you people.

shuhui said that green represents GROWTH in the kingdom of God.
no thanks to jealousy OKAYYY..
GREENGREENGREEN!
this mroning while waiting for baby at the bus stop there is this advertisement that says
'you dont have to be a biologists to like green'
totally :]
im no biologist but i still fancy green.

SENTOSA!
i really dont relish having to get up so early.
i woke mum up and asked her why her alarm clock didnt rang
and if she was going to work.
and she answered, 'today deepavali'.
am i so out of touch with time that i dont know today is a PUBLIC HOLIDAY?
she was kinda crestfallen i will be out today cause she gona cook.
ages since i ate her cooking.
or as she claimed - im always not home when she cook.
yeah. but i had supper lah. so not too bad. hahah.
I LOVE PLAYING IN THE WATER.
dirty?alil! but man!
MELISSA i love you!
haha. if you didnt accompany me ah. i think i will miss the chance to play!
heh heh. thats my childhood man.
my self - claimed one.
haha. where i have got an unforgetable memory. where i was treated like a princess :]
YEAHYEAH! i must go to that place and play everytime i go sentosa!
and i will play many times!
though only have got a chance to play once,
i am all so satisfied.
weeeeeee...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
first time i played volley ball.
FIRSTTT!!
not bad lah. have got a great and patient teacher.
thanks moses! :]
oh., sorry kat. gave you the wrong impression that i was impatient with you. hehe.
i really arent. love you.

went to James place for dinner.
shuhui treated us.
costed her a bomb.
THANKYOU!
-you really dont have to do so much darling :] -

eh. mood was affected.
some things send thoughts flooding through my mind.
it was war.
flesh and spirit.
want to rebel.
i know i cant.
only solution?
GOD.
thankyou god for being ever so faithful to see me through this.
Got to relinquish my rights.
and thanks to baby for being so sensitive :]
huggies.

we had a second game of volleyball near the bus stop.
i cant believe my shooting is so pathetic okayy....................................
duh.
thanks for sending us home though you guys are soooo tired.
LOVE YOU! :]

i have my eyes set on YOU!! :]
ensemble upright

the greatest calamity is here!
LOL.
LISTEN HARD!
the maggie mee at my house has ran out of stock!
GOSH!
im so damn hungryyyyy...
i cant go sentosa tomorrow anymore like that!
i will be too weak to play in the sun!
i dont want to become charcoal!
HAHA.
CRAPSSSS.
the rice cooker is doing it's job now :]
heh heh heh.

man. is it me or just you?
what nice training im receiving now.
get over it lah.....!!!

i hugs calligraphy.
its so damn nice.
but im lazy to practice!
ARGH! ~~~
its okay.
hard work pays off.
just like EIGHT YEARS will be all worth it.
yeah.
many people, one dream :]

boohoo.
baby bought me lunch after reading my post.
guess is the GREATEST CALAMITY PART.
HAHA. i feel sooo guilty not eating right..
dangs. its not that i have got no money.
its just i feel repugnant leaving my house and eating.
especially when baby is not here to accompany me eat!
heh heh heh. i have got a new green pouch.
baby went VIVO and bought it for me!
the best part - she reminded me that i like green.
i totally forgot.
LOL.
Thanks baby! :]
i spent my day online - w/o saying, YOUTUBE.
eeks. i dislike the man playing the role of the father in the nine o'clock show.
MALE CHAUVINIST.

i cant believe Os are over. ok - one more pathetic circle circle of bio paper. LOL.
i cant believe im gg poly.
my impression of poly people are one of a kind that..
dyes their hair... then some dress till very formal, some dress in FBT. LOL.
i cant believe im going to travel for 45 minutes every single day to school
and walk so far to reach the mrt station from my course block.
oh yeah. the perfect excuse to not go gym.
i get to excercise every single day for three years from next year onwards :]
IM GROWING OLDDD!!!!
OH NO!
i dont like that!
im OLDDD... !!!
ops. no offence to those who are above seventeen.
i dislike the word P-O-L-Y.
not that im in favour of JC.
damn. i know not what im trying to bring across.

a piece of my thoughts.
dont you think sometimes being a man is better than a woman?
HAHA.
ok. i know this is not right.
but i do think that way.
there is so much more freedom in being a man.
PERHAPS.
forget what i said.

woobeerrrdiiperrdooo.
stop holding on lah.
leave it to God and be that happy girl =]
get-a-life and be YOURSELF can.

decision is made.
december is the date :]

man. its holidays.
i was darn bored in the noon and forced myself to sleep but apparently i cant.
its like you are trying in vain to charge a phone that is fully charged.
DUMB.
BUT now i have a new target and hobby that will keep my occupied this holidays.


*:]
im a happy giirrrllll.
there are sooo many things i wana do.
guess up till date i wont be finding a job outside.
haha. theres too much to be done.
THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING YEARRS OF MANY LIFE PEOPLE!
wont want to waste it on something that i will be spending my life time doing in future.
haahahhaa.
anyone's bored? DATE ME OUT.
i may oblige.
haha.

- Place god first and he will grant us the deires of our heart.
a gun, BANG! , bullet :]
- HE really granted the desires of my heart.
i dont have to run for it.
He gives it to me


by-passed someone's blog and chanced upon that 28th october was jerome's birthday AND I FORGOT!
-how i remembered i said i will give him present
every year and will surly wish him hapy birthday.
and i didnt live up to that promise.
damn. i miss him - as a very good friend.
dont you guys from *shalom* miss him too?
dangsdangsdangsdangs.
im not that good a friend after all.
okay period.
tomorrow lunch. search for details on ***** .
=]
im proud to start now okay.
GO GO GO.
imagineee.......
the wedding.
the working at the restaurant.
piangs. what a nice dream.
LOL.
melissa is so darn COOL can.
:]:]:]:]:]:]

today bio i slept for one hour.
ONE HOUR!
hhaaha. i only went because the fact that i have a dinner treat from baby comforted me.
HAHHA. lol. thankew!!!

tomorrow is mcq sub science!
yeahyeahyeah.
the thought of going to school just to circle circle circle the OTAS paper sucks
but what to do?
for the sake of my As.
i shall forced myself there.

AH. IM SO E-L-A-T-E-D cannnnnnnnn.
wonder if i can get to slepp tonight.
Goodness,
baby will know how crazy i went.
NIGHTS!

colliding is fine.
dont bang me down



















SPARKLES!!!

















we celebrated aunty sandra bdae yesterday =]
my present for her- a bruise on my leg. LOL.
i dread going grandma's place.
no love. no joy. no peace.
tell me who likes to go such places.
I look at the time and it was merely 7 when i went home.
LIKE HELLO.
its SEVEN?!
i felt like i did so many things.
when u have fun, you feel like you did so little and time passes so slow.
idreaddreaddreaddreaddread it.
whats the point man.
i dont have a nice childhood.
dont hinder my fun now.
theres just too much that i have missed.
dont you just understand?

tried studying ss.
i have a strong aversion to memorising you ***** !
GRR.
i want to take risk and just memorise one dumb chapter.
WHATEVER ~
and its not like im studying VENICE you know.
*roll eyes*
two more days of suffering.
dread dread dread dread.
so many activities this week.
got a treat to SAKAE! FREE OKAYYYY.
damn shiok =]
i guess this fellow thinks its my last paper cause it is his last paper for Os.
like theres still another bio mcq next week lah.
dno what they thinking also.
schedule till so late =.=
dangsdangsdangsdangsdangsdangs.
meeting baby to study tgt.
HOPE it worksss...............
go go grace!
-get out of it.-

$#^$*%)(^*)*({+&%*#%&$&*
im not angry. not happy. effing pissed.
i duno whats the diff between pissed and angry.
whatever.
im totally depending on myself for my studies.
thats why im so disturbed.
GRACE, TRUST GOD AND GET OUT OF IT LAH.
lol.
shouldnt have gone to grandma's place.
all i get is a truckload of criticism.
you think i crazy ah.
zhi zi song shang men gei ne jiang meh.
LOL.
i dun want to go there...
now pull my mood down.
damn it.
only resurface my memories of how i was treated when young.

ages since i took pics with my phone till like last night lah.

OMG! terrance is on TV this sunday 10.30pm! im so gna watch it and mock at him! He is dancing you know! OMGOMGOMG! haha. i sound like im a fanatic fan of his =]

its 11.00! haha. its the continued version of the post. took a photo of my injury. cant post. mum is beside me now! lol. she duno i gt this phone you see. heh. heh. talk most of the time w baby. study? OPS. we didnt. you know what t means to risk for God? =] if you get what i mean. haha. if the topic doesnt comeout, then it doesnt. CHEERS CHEERS. i miss mummY!

shuhui you did a great job. dont condemn yourself. we all get better as we are more exposed. i learn about LOVE from you!!

hmm. getting my heart re focused.

- the more attractive you are, the more i will resist you - i hope. it better be that way.

WHATEVER.

bye

a great leader is one who walks the talk

oh hello people. those two there are the TWITS. say hi to twits....
took so many many many pictures in this few days can. haha. slowly display it in the next few post =)
yeah. had a loongggggg day. but somehow or rather time just passed so quickly. dated baby to buy the present and all at bout 11 and we were out till bout six. but baby is real creative. i had lotus soup today for dinner! yumyum. and im having it tmr again! hehe. healthy lifestyle. COOLCOOL. i totally forgot i had o level physics today. i told people who asked me whether i had exams no. and said that i was having holidays. tell me how much more clumsy can i get?
=]

BOOOOOOOO!
hehe. we had a great day ytd!
i cant help but smile to myself while in the examination hall. im nuts.yeah.
i seriously duno i was that crazy till i witness the video kor jordan took. =.=
anw i delete many many links.
links are only for yyb peeps and people related to me - i mean blood related.
too many links dont look good to me =)

BENGY and shuhui!
ready to preach for jesus? hehe.
you go girl&boy!


apparently mum didnt knew i went home late cause she was later than me. thank God!
i am really so sick of the bread can.
today she sat beside me for breakfast i had to painfully swallow every single mouth of it.
thats sooo tormenting. usually i just dump my breakfast and stuff into the garbage.. YEAH.
rather starve than eat.
and when i starve i start to think im stupid cus i threw the food away myself.
man. whats on the mind of ppl nowadays. *shakes head*

IM LOVING LIFE!

today is the day two of byebye of mummy.
up to date, we are still good! and i foresee that it will still be good till she returns!
- it better happen -
dangs. gtg prepare card with baby already.
take care peepsss...