I can never give up anything more than what You have given up for me.

Hey peepsy.
there is so many things in my head now. things like giving up this, that, those. and it hurts.

Giving up on the acapella group, auditions for mi lu bing MTV, and THAT.

many times i'd like to think that hey, maybe God is opening the doors. but yet deep down i know that it isnt. and it would only draw me away from Him. And cause He gave up His all for me, there is no reason that i cant give those up for Him. and i know that as i continue to trust, He will bring me there Himself. sometimes i will tell myself its no harm trying it out. many times i wonder at the opportunities out there, the chances that i would shine and be spotted.

id wonder how can i ever be up there if i dun even work towards it? Like God gave me a dream, i must work towards it! so by my own strength and physical eyes, these ARE open doors! But i've being a disciple long enough to know that hey, thats not how God works. i told my self its impossible that id just out of the blue be spotted while walking on the streets and be up there. But HE showed me that it WAS possible! that was what happened with national day in school. He is God and He can. and i felt 1000000000x better after having spoken to big bro ben. Its like im going through what he went through and i wonder if he knows where he is going now, whether he has any doubts that he will be up there. He said to me that God can just the next day put me up there. But its not the ending that He is interested. its the process, the character building that He is interested in.

Its all about the climb. I believe and ic an only trust with faith that when i finally arrive after maybe 5 years, 10 years or 15 years, it can only be the best. better than what i ever though i could achieve. i could jolly well accept those offers. they are good. but they are not the BEST. i determine that i only want the BEST from God. good is the enemy of best and im throwing the good out. and im hanging on to the words He said. I'd surely arrive and what i have given up this day, He would give it back to me a million times more. the aching feeling is there. but i will stand firm.

Hello lovelys.
Met up with Lambert to study at the MINDS cafe, and met two new friends-shuling and weisu. Great people to mix with. we ended up playing board games and getting to know each other better. And... They are coming on sunday! YAY! way cool (: Shuling made a pact with me that she wont date till after i do! haha. thats damn mad. But... we just did. For just merely knowing each other for four hours we acted like we were long time friend and the guys are just amazed. hmm. love you to bits girl.

Mum cooked Chilli crab and chicken rice. ORGH. it was so good i wanted more :( she said she will keep cooking till i get sick of chilli crab. woohoo! bring it on yo. bring it on! Amethyst came to join me. Glad she enjoyed herself at my place. sure hope to reach out to this young girl :) For once i need not envy that CAT for having her mum cook chilli crab for her. MEOW!

goonnnaaaa go airpork with DOOORRRAAAA to study! like finally after so long! WAY TO GO GRACE. gogogogo! need to pia already! (:

eh, its just a great day today. my QT for today: be the salt of the earth, light of the world. Honestly i told God i donno what that means. And i ask Him to teach me. I dunno how to share the gospel with people. I dunno how to start at all. But He will guide me cause im willing! Cause... Jesus is too precious and i need to share Him to people so they can enjoy this amazing gift! and have their lives transformed. cant wait for this sunday!

This is wayyyyyy too exciting! God ma is pregnant (: WEEEEEE. i cant wait for baby to be out! Baby is so blessed to have so many kor kors and jie jies awaiting his/her arrival! Im so gonna love baby many manyyy!


AHH! i wan my own kid too! like now! i wana be pregnant and have a life growing within me. HAHA, eh no, im not gonna do it the illegal way (: of course got to wait for a few more years lah! wa this is so tempting! i want my six kids! i even thought of my boy's and girl's names! woohoo! though i cant quite figure how i can manage the six kids, But... it will all be fine... It will all be cause God is in control! just like He is in control of my life right now.


You need to learn to trust Gracey, cause all is gonna be well. Dont be afraid that we would miss His timing. 'Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ'.


Babies are just one of the most amazing things God created seriously (:

It's a holiday today! i just wasted my day away sleeping and reading books, and of course dinner at god pa and ma house. oh. it was AWESOME. I love them and baby to bits :) eh, but anyway my life is way toooooo slackish. i cannot take it. so the girls and i are going jogging tomorrow at 6am. WOOHOO! a healthy lifestyle here i come!

There is so many things to learn in life. some learn through making mistakes, some learn through the mistakes of others. And im the latter. I always love to hear the love story of God pa and God ma retold. cause it always remind me of God's faithfulness, each time i get disappointed and wana give up. just too much things in my heart to say and i dunno where to start. But just remember that it will all be good.

Love,
Gracey.

Dear awesome people, I had one of my most awesome moments in my life, today. A day that id never ever ever ever forget. A day that i will look back one day with tears. You may never be able to comprehend just how i feel at this moment, the feeling of awe that it all happened (:


I wished that time would stop when it all happened. i wish i could relive this day a million times over again. I wish i could re-experience the feeling of being on stage with hundreds of pair of eyes looking down at you, where the spotlights are focused on you, where you are the STAR. I'd not trade anything for this experience. I may not have the best voice to deserve to be up there, i may have screwed myself up there, but i thank God that it all happened this way. For things that just divinely fall into place. I cant believe it all happened.


The days of rehearsal of staying back to just practice, the different moments i had to battle with my self esteem and to slowly build up my confidence. The times when i felt inferior to her, and just feel as if i pale in comparison. The number of times i had to fight my thoughts to think right. It felt like all was nothing when i was right there, up on the stage enjoying every bit of it. those few minutes of limelight, it was all worth it. At that moment, we were friends complementing each other. she was my teacher, she was my partner. she shared my joy, she shared my experience. The giant that I used to fear so much...


Had dinner w E ytd, ( hey stalker! :P i know you are reading my blog! haha ) and he asked me if i wana become a singer and at that moment, i replied him that no, it is not my dream. If i am not a christian, i may wana be a singer. but if i was never a christian, i would never have known that i could sing- till an angel in disguise prophesy over me that i will one day be a worship leader. it was then i know that God has given me the voice and i began to explore with it. and today, i could be up there because it happened back day in 2004 when someone believed in me. i knew that it was not a predominated thought. it was a revelation. something that i heard for myself the very first time too. surly God knows about the struggles and temptations that lay await before me.


After the performance, many people commented that we did a great job and we have great voices. And many asked if we were in any singing Diva cca etc and some lecturers requested that they should put us up to perform more often and they enjoyed us so much. As the compliments came pouring in, lavishly showered upon us, I cant help but think at the back of my head that all of you refered to HER. not me. they were just being courteous. cause we were standing beside each other so politely they would say 'you girls have a great voice!' but i'd think that 'hey, i know you mean you - refering to her and not me.


Then a guy approached me and introduced himself and said that he is helping his sister out. He asked if i am attending any singing lessons out there etc. He said that his sister works in this industry that searches for talents in singapore and trains them up to be a star. Again at the back of my head, still feeling that she is better, i repeatedly told him go look for her. But he shut me up with his reply that yes, he will look for her himself. I wasnt interested about being a star and being groomed. but i felt flattered that i was spotted.

One year ago, song writing competition, 2008 July.

one year later, 2009, august.

W the salvo boys (: Great bunch of people to crap and hang out with

cause they are full of crap like this.

In just one year, so many things could happen. i can never imagine that one year ago, whilst i was up there in the auditorium competing i would be here up at TCC performing. if i had never taken the step then to join the competition then i would never be here at this stage cause my friend knew i could sing from the competition, which eventually i took over her this time... amazing isnt it? last year this time when i lost and got third, i was pissed with God. Cause i prayed and heard Him tell me to join the competition. i thought that with His consent, with His support, surly He has a plan. which naturally with the carnal mind id think that His plan was for me to get first.


My pride couldnt take it that i got third. i cried. and i got angry with Him. But this year this time, He surly has a plan. He saw how one year later id be here performing to an audition of hundreds. In this journey, i built my self esteem. of course inevitably there are still many condemning and inferior voices within me, making me feel really worthless. But life is a journey and i can never be perfect. im not perfect. I struggle like shit like any humans would. I struggle that people out there are prettier, richer, smarter. I struggle with inferiorty just too often. the only difference? God is in my life to teach me to value myself. He gave value to me. Im purchased by His blood, His life. Jesus is real, and He speaks to me, and teaches me the right way to think. He is here to hold my hands each time i am weak. He is my strength.


Its easy to let success enter my head and think that all this is possible because I did it. Its easy to conveniently forget that God was the reason why and how it could all happen. I have a struggle to want to chase after fame and popularity. perhaps i can really be a star now that i am spotted isnt it? id think that something BIG out there awaits me. what am i doing here Grace? But i will often fall back on what i told E. that it all happened because Christ found me. This day would never come without Him. Its all about Him.

Performance at TCC.

'For He has enlarged my territory.'

Hello alll! have you heard have you heard?! (: Gracey is performing at TCC at tp for ndp! this friday (TMR) @ 11am! im sooo excited! its gonna be a whole of fun just singing and singing. heh heh. i really hope people who went for my songwriting competition could come! and watch me grow! aiyah. i just want people who will walk with me in this singing course (:

Heh, but whatever it is, of course ultimately i know that God is the one who is watching me grow. heh heh heh.

Seriously He is just making me face my fears. DAMNIT. the one that intimidated me last year. you know what not! i wasnt the original singer and she wasnt the original singer you know! what happen was i was walking up the stairs and bump into this girl who was suppose to sing instead. she just said 'GRACE! you can sing right! sing for me!' then i am where i am. For the other girl, the original singer apparently fell sick or MIA-ed. i think she is just too scared? cause she didnt appear for any of the rehearsals and caused many last minute changes. and for some divine intervention we are singing on stage together again, one year later...

Ok so. initially i was intimidated again cause i felt that she was so good i pale in comparison. and i told her that i felt inferior to her. HAHA. confessing is good. it makes you feel better and less inferior after that :P with more practices and rehearsals my confidence began to build. and she taught some tips too. awesome! im gonna be singing three songs with her! yay!

Actually, i figured that both of us have our own strengths. i admire her voice clarity and power. which is what i lack. haha. will build up on it as time goes by. EGG CITING!! more life memories that i can tell my kids next time. eh hehehehehehe. seriously i cant believe im gona be there singing! JUST LIKE THAT! like LIKE THAT! YOU KNOW YOU KNOW! like how can they just randomly allow me to go up there and sing to replace my friend. like HUH! aiyah. i duno how to express my feelings. but i bet i wont be able to express it more tomorrow (: its like im dreaming like that. Its really beyond what i ever DREAM or imagine! seriously! how would i ever know that i will be performing at TCC!!!! you know not! TCC is like the place they hold those DHL stuff, aiya. i think its like the biggest performance place in school. its the place where they let mediacorp singers and stars perform. woohoooooooooooo!

okay, so i realise i dunno the singapore pledge during rehearsal. haha.

Eh shit, God you are becoming so real to me each day. like seriously! its getting scary. the ( positive) kind of scary. gimmmeee more! (:

I love you Daddy God. and yes, your word holds true.
- beyond what i can ever think or imagine!-

CHEERS!