I can never give up anything more than what You have given up for me.

Hey peepsy.
there is so many things in my head now. things like giving up this, that, those. and it hurts.

Giving up on the acapella group, auditions for mi lu bing MTV, and THAT.

many times i'd like to think that hey, maybe God is opening the doors. but yet deep down i know that it isnt. and it would only draw me away from Him. And cause He gave up His all for me, there is no reason that i cant give those up for Him. and i know that as i continue to trust, He will bring me there Himself. sometimes i will tell myself its no harm trying it out. many times i wonder at the opportunities out there, the chances that i would shine and be spotted.

id wonder how can i ever be up there if i dun even work towards it? Like God gave me a dream, i must work towards it! so by my own strength and physical eyes, these ARE open doors! But i've being a disciple long enough to know that hey, thats not how God works. i told my self its impossible that id just out of the blue be spotted while walking on the streets and be up there. But HE showed me that it WAS possible! that was what happened with national day in school. He is God and He can. and i felt 1000000000x better after having spoken to big bro ben. Its like im going through what he went through and i wonder if he knows where he is going now, whether he has any doubts that he will be up there. He said to me that God can just the next day put me up there. But its not the ending that He is interested. its the process, the character building that He is interested in.

Its all about the climb. I believe and ic an only trust with faith that when i finally arrive after maybe 5 years, 10 years or 15 years, it can only be the best. better than what i ever though i could achieve. i could jolly well accept those offers. they are good. but they are not the BEST. i determine that i only want the BEST from God. good is the enemy of best and im throwing the good out. and im hanging on to the words He said. I'd surely arrive and what i have given up this day, He would give it back to me a million times more. the aching feeling is there. but i will stand firm.