went to spiritual dad and mum's house to stay for the night :) cause there's austin hills tomorrow. so met miracle to have our 'last breakfast'. when she told me that on msn, my mind connected last breakfast to something negative. as if we are gonna part for life and so on. then it took me awhile to get her meaning of last breakfast.
Today is the last day of the ten days of BREAK from fasting and waking early at 4am. so as of tomorrow till october, we will be fasting breakfast and thus the meaning - last breakfast. HAHA! thus we met for our breakfast at macdonald, our all time favourite breakfast. then went home and practice the song 'canon in D' with the guitar and met mum in the noon at boon lay station.
Mum knew i love sparkling juice so she bought me a bottle. a WHOLE bottle to myself :) but im so nice i shared it with korkor. HAHA. had yummy dinner and a good talk with korkor about poly life etc. fear and thoughts began to get a hold of me. after awhile i went to sit on the white throne and holy spirit actually told me im thinking too much and he enlighten me to see things in a different view. in mere minutes i feel so set free. then i went to jiejie's room to spend time with God. one of the highlight of the sermon on last sunday was this : That God will first reveal to you his plan about you first before you ask for confirmation. thus i commited the whole poly thing into his hands and He began to speak to me through the word and began to show me about life for me in Poly. about my studies, about my friends etc. AMAZING. i can't wait to start school! though sometimes fear still kind of creep in, i know God will conquer it with me.
went to bed at 9.30pm cause tomorrow have to wake up at 4am. but i just couldnt fall asleep till about 11 plus? thats TORTURING alright. i guess its because im so used to late nights and all so my body clock arent used to it.
tuesday, 1st april
and the alarm clock rang at four in the morning. i was wide awake. i knew today was the beginning of the six months battle to Purple heart. and i must have a good beginning. do you know that when you fail to have a good beginning, your whole morale kind of just drop?
i failed to wake up for JB the first day due to some error with the alarm. and i was real disappointed. maybe because of that, i knew that i will not want history to repeat again. and i was sure glad i stayed over at mum and dad's place cause i know i sure will have a very good start.
thus the family of five gathered at the living room and dad began to strum the guitar and we all sang in tongues and prayed and worshipped God. it was really encouraging. usually when you are at home and you do it alone, you kind of want to fall asleep. but in a group, you just wont, knowing that everyone else is worshipping God together. the feeling is just so marvellous. and God is just so good to allow me to embark on this long journey with such a great start.
at about 7.30 we headed for austin hills in malaysia.
the lessons were just superb. SUPERB. and more superb. we all knew that it was life transforming. our minds were renewed and we are all setting our mind on the things above. things that will not be shaken. with the help of the holy spirit's conviction, we all decided to watch our sleeping time and be disciplined. words just cant express the impact of that day. may I be that tangible result of the impact.
wednesday, 2nd april
went to VP in the office in the morning. a little bicycles in the morning, but God is just training all of us :) i love you baby!
doctor curtis was invited to come speak to us. after JB, i have learnt that from every sermon, capture the highlights of it and slowly chew it. no point writing too many notes and nothing gets into the brain. so here you go. he taught us that we must speak the truth because then will people trust you. he shared about his story of how when he was still young, he told the truth to his officer and when he was charged of a crime he did not do, the officer trusted that he did not do it because he said he didnt and he was free. He also told us that each of us has at least one guardian angel, whether you can see him or not. that was a great lesson because though at the back of my mind i knew that i have a guardian angel, i kinda forgot about it :)
this few days had been so life transforming. of course hearers who are not doers do not benefit and i am a DOER!!
and the day came for worship leading in main service...
there are just so many many many obstacles that i had to cross. one after another all alone. yet who understood? but, all went well though not the way i want it to - it went just the way daddy God planned. surly he had the first hand information of what's going to happen before it did. the special training that only God Himself can train. how true. But since theres only one life, then want to die to self also die nicely lah. die until not here not there also not very nice. HAHA. ( catch? )
And i told God that HELLO IM ONLY 16 MY DEAR LORD. isnt it too overwhelming? butbutbut. He knows best.... he knows best... he knows exactly what kind of training we need to strenghtn our muscles for the battle ahead... AND... its only an obstacle. stay OBJECTIVE :) im part of the cabinet please. no time to brood over that 'little' pain.
take up the shield and the sword and CHARGE! no time for feelings. oh well. WHATs past is over. great and 'wonderful' experience. HAHA. went throught the emotion of anger and complain but theres a place whereby after that i have to grow up. alright God. i know. Growing up pain. one advantage in serving? you are not given much time to brood. HAHA. i duno whether you consider it an adventage... but. yeah. its good anyway. again, it forces you to grow up.
put the past behind me and look to the cross.
the world behind me.. the cross before me....
though none go with me, i still will follow.
w/o the group of fellow sisters and brothers and of course dad and mum i would never have gone so far :) i love them cause they are always there to embrace me though i hurt them time and again. i just love you, dad and mum.
aunty jo ma gave me, bernice, miracle, josh and issac a treat to jack's place!
their oreo cheese cake is yummyyyyy! class of its own.
triple combo!
nice design on the soup
honestly speaking, im not a food person. but anyway, other than the oreo cheesecake, the rest are just so so . HAHA! i know. jack's place is an expensive please to eat and some ppl go gugugaga over it. too bad i don't :( i'd rather have KFC. HAHA. safe money also. and so aunty jo ma drove us to jack's place. INTERESTING ride would say... again i say.. INTERESTING. you know what you call once in a lifetime experience?
faith just ended her camp. and soon mine will come. i really wonder whether i should look forward to it... CULTURE SHOCK YOU KNOW? i wonder i will be talkative or super isolated. BLA. come what may.
esther: ' If i perish , i perish '
so noble. HAHA. i think if that happens to us... okay. thats too far. if God give us the slightest cut on our fingers or whatever we would have started scolded and swearing already. talk about perishing? thats still a long way to go.
Get well soon JAMES! man. you ps ME! how could you! but for the sake of your TREAT i shall let you off. hha. rest well and recover soon! thanks for your partnership though.
emotions are healthy and we should be free to express them. Our Lord Jesus wept and got angry when he saw the ppl were gambling in the temple. and Dr. curtis' wife taught us that God speaks to us through our emotions. for example if we are parents and our child is rebellious and hurts himself, we feel the pain in our heart. likewise if we go to God with this emotion, he will show us that this is the pain he feels when we are rebellious and hurt ourself. in this light, we draw closer to him cause we know his heartbeat. through pain we know him more. through the hurts, i know Him more and i see my own ugliness.
' OUCH. that hurts bad you know, Daddy? ' Daddy : ' thats how much i hurt too and thats how much people hurt ' ' Now i see daddy... I just wana say... i love you papa God '
amazing, isn't it? Just the thought of how big the universe is just burst my mind. to think that there are so many galaxies and our naked eyes cant even see the nearest galaxy. WOW. arent the video just BEAUTIFUL? it takes us 50 years to travel by light years according to the video to the first star and it is 25 trillion miles away from our galaxy. 100 light years from the sun and we arrive at the milky way. 100 000 light years then can the entire spiral shape of the milky way be recognisable.
my God is such a creative God. One who is artistic and one who appreciate colours. who can claim that our existence is a mere coincidence? who can say that all the galaxies exist because they just happpen to? who can say that behind all this work of art lies no great creator? when you see a beautiful piece of art, you will naturally know that there is some great artist behind this work. of course, behind this piece of beautiful art piece - universe- lays a wonderful creator. im amazed by You. to think that the earth was so small yet he chose to gave life to it and made life out of it... can you imagine? we are like little bactaria that the naked eyes cannot see yet God chose to came down to earth to die on the cross for us. there is just so much that we do not deserve... have you ever thought that just in a second, he that created heaven and the earth with the words he spoke can take your life away? this scares me... have i been living life the way God wants me to? Or have i been buy flirting around in the world? If God take me away today, i will live life to regret cause theres so many things i want to do and i need to do. i have yet to see my brothers come to church with me, dad and mum tgt, relatives knowing Him, yet to fulfilled my call and destiny, yet to love the people He wants me to love. theres so many so many i need to do. yet all day long, i just wasted my time procrastinating and not doing something about the things I am suppose to do. theres so many things i need to do BUT im not doing anything about it. instead of loving my mum and reflecting the character of Jesus in me, i made satan's job easy by being a little monster myself. instead of honoring her and making her be happy being my mum, i treated her like my servant - one who do all the cleaning up. and the worst of all is that after all that she has done for me, i failed to express my gratitude to her and took her for granted and she had to put up with my bad attitude. while others may think im some angel, im only but a monster in disguise. ugly on the inside. God said that the world is getting darker and darker and we need to be prepared and be on our guard. yet i went to the world and played with sin. if you do not yet know, SIN doesnt only mean CRIME like stealing or consuming drugs. even lying, and not obeying his word is a sin. i need to ask this question to myself : just what have i been doing this 16 years of my life? have i been the light and salt of the world just like Jesus commanded me to be? have i been the one that reflected christ in me? Jesus is coming back soon. no one knows when and the day he returns when he does, am i prepared, or will i be caught in the act of sinning? we ought to live life like there aren;t a tomorrow. many things when its gone, they are gone for ever. a simple delay of the words 'i love you' to our parent and a hug could be the regret of our lives forever...
somehow, many things just began to fade in the light of all this truth. money, friends, fashion, CRABS, the urge to play with sin. can i afford to live one day of my life wasted? thats why God says that rejoice because its a brand new day. when everything else seems to pull our mood down, the reason and only erason why we should still be happy is because we are still alive isn't it?
its a glass house! so pretty you know. and what beautiful moon that was
russel!
see.. i told you we were sitting on something that was meant for vechicles :D
had drums lessons which originally was suppose to be on thursday but due to the birthday party, we changed it to today. so after jesus' bride, russel and i went for drums. we waited for awhile and he called Joshua. JOSHUA FORGOT THAT HE HAVE LESSONS WITH US TODAY!! hahaha.
so it was a wasted trip.. man. you know the bus fare and mrt fare how much not!! :S
went to take many pictures. haha. made russel sat on the road and many many many vechicles bypassed us. he was... EMBARASSED. too bad, friend :D
accompanied shuhui to get her birthday dress today :) she bought an elegant dress. HAHA. totally not her style but she look pretty. yeah you do alright. anyway her 21st birthday is coming - 21 march. cool right. same with faith. get ready to see her in her dress at her party. EYE OPENER. so anyway mich and i went to look for dresses and clothes with her. found a style that she look really good in. something out of the norm, out of her jeans and shoes. anyway, i went into the changing room with her. HAHA. the changing room really ver big please. they still put chair there somemore =.- oh well..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE TO THE THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS - SHUHUI , FAITH, JANAH!
going to go for body checkup tomorrow! my eczema have not recovered. most probably gona get the medication tomorrow when i visit the doctor. mum will be attending CA tomorrow. SO HAPPY! anyway, after Jesus bride went to food court to eat and spoke with AD. she did some ministry for me and i cried and cried in the food court. XD people were staring at me please. anyway, THANKS to darling justin for affirming me :D let me see. theres about ten more days to the end of JB! must really treasure the time left boy... daniela showed me some juicy secrets yesterday. shocking piece of news! oh well. i just filled in my TP timetable into the scheduler that baby and i bought together. its getting so exciting! school please start soon!! guess what. all of us who are going to poly and uni are all seperated all nicely. all the polys you can think of, at least one of us from YYB is there. and not to mention the uni. is it all part of God's plan? well, we will know soon.
had fish and co for dinner! YUMMY. thanks jason! :D
bought bro a not-so-cheap shirt :D
guess what. daddy bought me a camera last month and initial plan was to get me a new phone this month. but because got to pay poly fees, so the plan changed to no phone. instead use the money for phone. maybe because my brother was touched by the present he actually told my mum he will pay my hp bills and sign new line for me under his name and get me a new phone. WOOTS! i feel like im on top of the world :D i cant help but think that im so spoilt and pampered. HAHA. oh well. its a good problem afterall.
im having rashes now! damndamndamn. wonder whats the root of it.allegy to prawns maybe?
anyway, rushed home after JB cause mum nvr work and she cooked soup for me to eat!! yeah. im so happyyy.....
im back from pula ubin! I'm so exhausted! went to shuhui's place to stay over last night.the advantage is that i can wake up later in the morning! :D sleep is the ultimate cure to aging you see. nonsense. anyway, we met up with the english youths and yyb peeps and off we headed to that off-shore island! we rented the bicycles and cycle around that place. and the height of everything is this. LUNCH. we had CRABS. chilli crabs. oh man. thats like my favourite! the crab meat is like so fresh and yummy! and so we ordered a second portion and ate to our fill. elder wee bought us durians that is just superb. the BEST i had ever eaten boy. sweet like anything...
time just passed real fast. so fast i wish it could stop and allow me to play longer. HAHA. it turned out better than i ever thought it could be. i miss that island! and of course, its the special people that made this trip a wonderful and memorable one. i wana go back again!!!
anyway, we parted afar we return back to changi. took aunty nat's car to YCK and to my despair, i left me wallet with rebecca %&$($* there i was. penniless, ez-link 'cardless' . HELL. darling faith lend me 70 cents which did not met the requirement of 90cents cause im already a POLY STUDENT~ i was real scared the bus driver will scold me. so there faith and i was. stranded. we happen to bum into her primary school friend, which also means my primary school friend but i don;t know her. HAHA. lame shit. oh well. we were deciding if faith will walk up to her to borrow 20 cents. PATHETIC 20 CENTS. *roll eyes* apparently that friend did recognise her i reckon.
faith was torn between whether to head up to her to borrow. but being impatient, i just turn to a guy beside her, A TOTAL STRANGER and asked if he could give me 20 cents. HAHA. and he did. thats like so nice of him!
when the bus arrived, i placed the money in and the bus driver was kind of stoning at the moment. was rather intense. scared that he will reprimand me though he had no reasons to at all. HAHA. he was puzzled because i dressed like a student and i look like one. so he said next time just put 55 cents will do. HAHA. nice experience afterall.
OH yeah. i lost my balance and fell at oula ubin and poor james got pulled down by me when i fell and his legs were injured. im sorry pal. caused you to not fully enjoy. but thank you too!
anyway, when faith and i parted after the bus ride, being penniless, i really wish i could bump into some friends of mine who will treat me to oreo mcflurry. HAHA. i was all worn out and i would really loveeee to have an ice cream at that moment. but sadly no one came to my rescue!!! :( oh well. the letter from TP came in ytd. and guess what. i have to go for medical checkup!!! $%&%^
i cant wait for TP to start! oh well. im so glad today. learnt many many many things!
never knew comptitive can be used in a good way too. and whats best, we do not have to step on one another to be the first cause at the end of the day, we are our own competitor. each day you are competing with yourself to bring yourself to a greater height compared to the day before!
im a winner!
whether you win or lose, it is already decided in your mind.
and i have decided that im going to do so well in school!
