this is an awesome show :) cried so much.

it talks about a mother's love. you should all catch it. and maybe we will all start to appreciate our moms alil bit more.

This period God has been speaking to me about my mum. and then he brought me to watch this show w my mum. HAHA, its just too coincidental to be true. but anyway, there is no such word as coincidence in God. all things are planned nicely by Him.

I think mothers are the most noble of them all. Just like what i said on my FB status.

they are the ones that knws you thru and thru, though sometimes one may argue that there is generation gap. but who can deny tt their hearts are the most for you. even if u should become a criminal and murder someone, mothers are the one that will still embrace you. no matter what u have done, no matter how bad u have hurt them.

I went to bed with tears in my eyes as i think about all the things my mum went thru for me. all the heartaches i have given her and all the tears i have made her cry. all the misunderstandings i have had with her.

growin up, i have went thru the phase where my mum and i were like total strangers. i was a different person the moment i step foot into the house. i became an angry kid. there was no conversation between us. i just lock myself in the room and do whatever i want to do. many a times i contemplated death, wanting to jump off the building, or cut myself, or run away from home thinking that by doing so i can escape the cruelty of my life. but i thank God i nvr had the courage. the thot of hell scares me. wakes me up from my suicidal thots. haha. cause i learn that committing suicide is a sin so even if i should be a chrisitian, i will still go to hell. i imagine how it ll be like to have my spirit walk out of my body when i die and go to hell, and to be able to see all my friends and relatives but we are no longer in the same realm. ouch.

always felt like a burden. if my mum did nt have me she would not have to work so hard. i always struggle with a question in my heart whether my mum loves me. and sadly, i concluded that she did not. how ignorant and silly i was. in my selfishness i hurt her.

finally today at the age of nineteen, i am more able to stand in her shoes and think from her point of view. how ignorant i was when i was in my teens. i read in a book that this lady felt tt she was a disappointment to her mum. when she spoke to her mum, she realized that that was how her mum felt towards her too! somehow in tt instance, my eyes were enlightened and i began to realized that my mum felt that she was a failure all these yrs. me in my not wanting to talk to her and shuttin my self in the room made her feel like she was a failure and a disappointment.

and as i began to have a glimpse into her heart, my heart began to get heavier. i see how i have hurt her, and how she had still loved me and patiently waited for me to grow up. my mum is the only person in the world who has taken the most rubbish from me without uttering a single word of defense. she just took it all. lookin back, id nvr want a daughter like myself... and lookin to the future, i want her to be the most blessed mother in the world.

I had wish to have a different set of parents. a different life. be a different me.

But right now, i knw tt i cant find a better mum. she gave her all.

I knw that i can only see my own ugliness as i grow older, as i eventually becum a mum myself. but i knw that i will learn to appreciate this noble woman in my life more. and she is one reason that makes me wana be successful so she can live a good life. so that i can repay her for helping me be who i am today. i may have died by now if not for her perseverance to face life boldly when all hopes are gone. when all dreams are shattered. it was all God's grace.

So, watch this movie. with ur mum if u cld. and u will see how though our mothers may nvr always express how they feel, their love for us, their actions shows it all. but sometimes in our own ignorance and stubborness we have failed to see it. but mothers are the ones that continuously condone with us.

i wrote a song last month that goes like this.

My heart is prone to wander

To the things that really doesnt matter

I cry out 'Lord, please come and save me,

Save me from thi deadly disease.'

What if Jesus returns tomorrow?

How would it be to stand before His throne?

To see my past playing before my eyes

Would i kneel down and cry in regret?

Chorus: Jesus, Help me to know You are real

Teach me to see Your hands working thru my life

For i know you have plans to prosper me

For I know my life is in your hands

Bridge: Help me nvr to doubt a love that's so deep

Open up my eyes that i may see

until today this song has still been my cry.. i can nvr fully knw God and comprehend His ways.

Many times i doubted His existence when things get tough.. I wonder why He doesnt just appear to man so everyone will know that He is real and no one will have to doubt.. But His ways are higher. His word said that those who has not seen but believe, greater are they!

recently i read a book about hell. Sounds abit weird right. haha. its goot to read it cause it scares the shit outta me. i used to think that i can just sin all i want and just before i die, repent and i will be able to go to heaven. cause there is still many yrs before Jesus returns. But the issue here is not when Jesus returns. is when i die. when, how, where will i die. no one knows. what makes me thin i have time to repent before i die. ha. what if i died in a car accident in a split second with no chance to even whisper the words 'Lord, forgive me'?

The bible says that death cause even the proudest man to humble.

its true.

hell is eternal suffering. i dun wana be there. and i dun want the ppl i love to be there.

KELLY SERVICE ORIENTATION.

Heading to school for kelly svc orientation later from 1 to 6. like what are we gonna do in a lecture hall for five hours in formal. dangs. CL said that we are just gona be listening to the history of kelly svc and how they work. HAHA. like WHAT?! for five freakin hours.. im gona bring my mp3 and journal and whatever to pass time :D

Headed to school ytd. kelly svc was suppose to call me during my hols to go down for an interview. all my friends should have been called down. except me. i found out that it was because my student info was not updated. i changed my hp number larh.. so i called them and Breadon got me down for an interview.

interview sounds like some 'big' thing right. as if there is gna be selection or what. no la. bullshit one. its a must that every single student in my course must be attached there so interview is for show nia. and the teacher is like so serious =.=

am gna spend 44 hrs, once a week, four hrs each time in school at kelly. so 'awesome'.

anyway aft school i headed to lavendar to make my passport w mum. Oh, before that i went to sembawang first to retrieve my cards and keys. let me repeat myself. Just 2 cards and 2 keys. oh, and pathetically, a hair pin... i misplaced my wallet last last thurs and they informed me thru email to head down to sembawang mrt office to retrieve it. so i did. I thought i was gna get back my WALLET. no. just 2 cards. and 2 keys. and a pin. yay?!

its so pathetic. i do not need the cards cause i remade them. and spend 18 bucks to remake the ez link and 5 bucks to remake the posb card. HA. smart person who found it. i rather this person dun return it to me cause its useless to me. and my branded wallet given by my aunt is gone.. woohoo! ok la, doesnt hurt. just irri that i had to spend money to remake the cards! damn.

but im still glad i ended up in sembawang to retrieve the lost items cause i get to buy new stuff! ahaha. so happy with my new items bought :D

♥

im havin a sore throat and cough and im losing my voice. i have got a really sore voice now. AHA.

headed to beauty world for dinner last night. it was rainin lions and tigers. i would love to just 'nua' at home and hide in the comfort of my blanket. and the medicine was makin me drowsy. but i went anyway. must stick to what i say!

ohoh, did i mention i went w M for her keyboard lesson on monday? after which i headed to her house and we played tgt. HAHA. i played my violin and she played her piano. and her dad commented that we sound like two lil children playing. HAHA.

every morning i wake up hopin that the timetable is already out. but it still isnt.

ciao.

School is starting in two weeks.

Heading to amk now to make my EZ link and posb cards cause i lost my wallet last thursday. which happens to be april fool's day. which happens to be a whole day of joke.

i.need.to.practice.my.violin.
i.need.to.do.my.verses.
i.need.to.meetup.with.some.friends.

Sent mum off to airport in the morning. am going to bring FnJ to do their nails while i just sit and stone. and maybe remove my nail polish cause my violin teacher said that nail polish makes my nails heavier and thus affects the way i play the violin. cool logic. cracked me up when i heard tt.