LOVE.

A topic that i believe is not unfamiliar to everyone of us. It is something we live for, we long for, and we spend all our lives searching for. yet, it is also this something that leaves us feeling empty, unsatisfied and broken.

For a moment, we thought we met the perfect one, the one who made our hearts beat faster, whom we were willing to trade anything for, whom we thought we could spend the rest of lives with forever into eternity.

i was gona leave my house to revise and do some work. But I went to check out some one's blog. aha. im a K-PO if by now u dunno. reading a friend's blog doesnt make u K-PO. maybe you are just concern and interested in the person's life, how he or she is doing. but if checking out someone's blog almost daily, a someone whom u have never met before, who is not affiliated to you in anyway, whom u have nvr seen before in ur entire life. and is not even ur friend's friend, or friend's friend's friend. now, tt pretty much makes u a K-PO. and yes, im a K-PO. and if u are not affiliated to me in anyway, or doesnt know me, or whatsoever and u check my blog rather-often, that pretty much makes u a K-po too. but dun be offended. cause im one myself :D hahahha.

ok, so... this blogger, a rather famous one, is in a relationship. well, tts normal isnt it? yes. but she is in a long distant relationship. that makes it tough. however, what baffles it is that they seemed so sweet. he visits her often. really often. and she often go on trips with him, on holidays, have alot of fun. ad he does alot of sweet nothings for her. it seems so ideal, so perfect... for a moment i wished i cld be her. i nvr believe that love can last forever. as in the feelings. the lovey dovey feeling. max, give it six mths. things will start to change. the guy will no longer be that sensitive, that sweet, that attentive to you. all this aint assumption or my opinion. its been researched on. there is this thing called love molecules. my mentor read from a bk tt this love molecules last only but six mths. there are also other sources that quotes a different timeline. i recently read a book tt says it will last for two years.

But you get the drift. two years or six mths, love molecules does not last. it will come to a halt.

Being in disciple class help open up my eyes to the reality to the world, to man and woman. it woke me up from my dreamland, from a fairytale of 'and they lived happily ever after'. cause if i continue to live in that fantasy, i will only have my heart broken time and again when i realize that reality is so different from this fantasy i believed in while growing up...

If u have been in relationships, u will realize that this sentence 'i have lost the feelings for you'. yes. tts the love molecules coming to an end. So if love molecules will come to an end, that doesnt t means all relationships will come to an end one fine day? true and not true.

I thank God I knw Him.. cause in Christ i learn agape love. there are different kind of love. a feeling love, a friendship love and an agape love. (there are more types of course. try googling it) this love is a love that is not based on feelings. and tts what christ did for me. he hung up on the cross and died on the cross for me not because He feels like it. its a no brainer thing isnt it? it hurts to be up there, to have ur flesh torn and blood flowin out from ur body and left to hung there to die.. and because Christ has shown that agape love, we as His disciples cld imitate His love. that when we say 'i love you' to this someone, we mean it. commitment. all the way. even if the girl should turn histerical and unreasonable. even when she no longer has the hour glass figure, that beautiful face..

im disgusted at the thot that nowadays ppl cld be more than friends but less than lovers. They hold hands, hug and kiss. but they say they are just friends. then tell me what are lovers. hmm. (ok, i knw disgusted is too strong a word. and i knw tt i shouldnt b judgemental here cause i know that i would have been like this too if not for right guidance)

As for myself, my view of love is very distorted. i grow up in a family where trust is betrayed. Love doesnt exist for me. i never believe that a man will love me. n lay down his life for me. I have a huge phobia of relationship. that is one major factor why i have never dated. in short, i cant trust. how can u tell me to trust when the very ppl i loved and trusted broke them? i see with my very own eyes how love is fickle. marriage can be broken.. and to save myself, i shut my heart to anyone. i refuse anyone to enter my heart, to be given a chance to hurt me. and i knw too that by being like this i have hurt many ppl too.

i read in a book tt two of man's ( applying to both man and woman) greatest fear is the fear of not being able to love and the fear of not being loved. and sadly, i have both of these fears. ha. and i strongly believe tt i would not marry for the rest of my life if i had not met my mentor. haha, she is the one who helped me all these yrs to learn to love and learn to receive love..

now u may ask me 'have i ever fallen in love?' yes. But the fear is huge enuf for me to forgo the feelings. i knw feelings wont last forever. man and woman are made differently. when a woman enters a relationship, its her whole life. when a man enters a relationship, it is only part of his life. he has other things that are important to him. career, achievement, golf, soccer etc. tt is why many woman are left broken. cause they knw they are not the man's first. maybe they will be for the first six mths. but soon they will realize things are just different.

is there any hope? yes.

Christ is the answer to everything. If i ever enter a relationship, its not because i trust that guy will be faithful. but because i trust that Christ is the One that will hold this relationship tgt.

I know that im gna be a tough girl to deal with cause of all my background.. i will have alot of trust issue but if the guy continues to hold on and commit, he's my hero. i will be eternally grateful to him :D

Today i broke another of my string :)

I broke one string the very first day i owned the violin.

Then my violin bag spoil and i got a new one.

Then the CD and DVD spoiled too cause there were too many scratches.

YAY. even my teacher is amazed at my ability to spoil the strings cause apparently the G string is the most unlikely to break cause it is the thickest. but yes, both tyms i broke tt string :)

im gona be having a violin performance in July on a sat. and Nat and I are gona be the emcees for the event. tickets gg at 8bucks. one for one ( buy one get one free. tts the weirdest thing i ever heard with regards to the selling of tickets. HAHA. so yes, tell me if u are gna come :D )

pretty much looking forward to it. change a new set of strings to day and these strings are so much more milder and nicer to play.

school has been pretty fine. life is good. im great.