The future is uncertain.

God gives and God takes away. He gave me dream. A beautiful dream and He took it away. Hmm, sometimes i just dont understand why. Chatted with R yesterday and he said that he hope one day God will show him why he went through what he did... And my reply was, God need not always answer our why-s. Simply because, He is God. And He has every right to not reveal to us while we are still on earth. But being human, we just want to know why this, why that. maybe because by knowing why, we can be in control. we all want to be in control. we all hate the uncertainties of life. nobody knows what is gonna happen to himself or herself tmr. Or even the very next minute.

This person could suddenly have a heart attack and just die. No one knows for sure what will happen in the next second... Well, God tests us to see if we meant what we said. That we will praise Him through the storm ( casting crowns)

each time trails come, will we get angry with Him that He took that one thing we really desire? Or will we still chose to praise Him. In this case, i choose to praise Him. I didnt understand why He showed me and then He took it away. my thoughts start kicking in and i began to think how things might just change in the end. Oh well, whats the point of thinking and guessing what will happen in the end right. Why not just cruise and enjoy the journey.

Just like how i went Mcritchie to jog, it wasnt the ending that excited me when i finnally finished the 11km. it was the journey. and in that same light, it wasnt the ending that excites God, but the journey of us getting there. The journey of Him being able to walk with us when like is smooth and went we hit a rough patch (: i really wish i could elaborate and go in detail what i meant. But it really arent convenient... Maybe, just maybe, one day it would be convenient.

'Live each day like its the last'

this was what he told me. and to a certain extend, it should be that way. we tend to take things for granted. that we will still be alive tomorrow. then we would go to bed and open our eyes the next day, still alive and kicking..

But what if... Just if.
you open your eyes and realise you are in heaven. Or worse. Hell. in hell you suffer physical torment. the fire burns ur body yet you will nvr melt away. which actually makes it worst. cause you have to endure the heat forever, down there. made slaves by all the evil spirits. but... do you think the physical pain could compare to the heartache that you may feel?

If the day before you fought with your parents, ans said you hated them. if all your life you nvr said three words of 'i love you' to them though in your heart u knew u love them. but pride stop you from saying those three simple yet the most powerful words... or that you felt that they dont deserve the three words cause they hurt you so much...

maybe you always wanted to tell your friends or family how special they are to you in your heart but you never did cause u procrastinate and think that you have all the time in the world...

sometimes the price one pays to not open the mouth to communicate is too high. How often do we not know how appreciated and loved we are till someone tells us? or that we nvr felt that we were pretty or handsome till a compliment comes and you really believe you are?

people are just suffering.. real bad. if only we being chinese would place our pride down and start communicating love. i nvr knew my mum loves me. i used to hate her... cause i felt that she was nvr there for me. always workin and she left me with my grandma and childcare. she was nvr there. i thought she hated me. i thought i was a burden to her. till one day we communicated and she affirmed me that she loves me and she has regrets in her life. she wished she could be there for me in my growing up years...

It wasnt easy to start communicating with her. i hate to swallow my pride. she hate to humble herself to listen to how i felt and face the mistakes she made in my growing up years. But she loved me enough to do that. and our relationship blossomed. i used to be a girl who storm right into my room and lock myself in there immediately when i got home. communication...

I snapped at my mum last night cause i didnt like it when she tells me to stop eating fried food etc etc. yes it was out of concern. but i hated it. she always talks about my pimples and stuff ( haha). ok lah. she loves me and just want to tell me but she does it so often it irritates me. and its not like i didnt know all those. so i just snapped and reacted at her. DAMN. i was guilty. till today i didnt apologise though i said iw ould cause i couldnt swallow my pride. cause i think its her wrong what. but it was still wrong of me to have reacted at her. So this morning i woke up still conscious of how i reatcted at her... and so i came down my bed and gave her a morning kiss. HAHAHAHA

Ok thats all for now. im blogging too much i think im being such a nuisance. oh, all you good students out there who are reading my essays. Kudos.