I have been MIA for so long!!

Just got back from church camp. Had so much fun and am so glad we all bonded again. And we won the drama! Church camp is the time you get to see each other's silly moments at 3am in the middle of the night. who would ever know our youth pastor was so... cute.
'WEI WEI BU YAO PA NI SHI HAO WA WA'

And i figured something out while talking to justin on the bus. That is... when we all have a common goal, thats how we stay united. But somehow, after we all started school, we begin to drift apart to a certain extend. more for some. And it all just boils down to one thing, which is a common goal. When we all had one goal, that is to love God, be on fire, we were all so bonded won't we? now because of the camp, we come together and share the same dream again. so we were closer again. But you bet i missed school and the friends there. And sure glad that Kevin came too! Long-time-no-see-friend, yo!

Recently I have been having pretty bad struggles. Who said christian has no struggles. HAHA. B commented that she thought i was all holy-moly. Coolios. first time i heard that. But shit no. I struggle with so many stupid things. Like wanting to go clubbing and all. HAHAHA. i just wana have fun. *you know* yeah. Afterall, thats what my friends do. All i wana do was to 'check it out'. But the reason i have those struggles was because my heart was no longer focused on God. All this while a part of me wanted to experience what the world has got to offer. But well, the point is, I used to think that YYB was my family. I have dreams of us growing old together, raising our kids up together, being there to encourage one another in times of trouble. I used to think that this is where FAMILY is. where there is no backstabbing, where each and every of our voices are heard. Anything that is unsettled will be confronted so there will not be bitterness. It was the place where i experiece heaven on earth. Where all of us are true to each other to the best that we could. growing up, and growing old together. But while i had those struugles, i swing to the other extreme and was deceived to want to leave this family. The devil is really out to destroy me to lure me to leave this awesome people of God so i will 'die'. And in this church camp, i really learn alot. God spoke to me so much. He spoke to me and corrected many of my wrong thoughts and cause me to seet hings in a different light. Maybe you can call that, seeing the world through His eyes. I went to the camp, with a prayerful heart to want to experience a breakthrough from this mess. And God met those needs. It was no longer me trying to convince myself to do things God wants me to. It was an internal conviction to live life rightly.

I cant help but really wonder and think, how are the lives of people out there? I guess all of us are just looking for one thing in this world - LOVE. genuine love. wanting their voice and heartbeat to be heard, wanting to know that they are love. and each had their own solutions to this search. yet, which of it is actually the TRUE solution? Its a messy world, people. I'd be a fool to step out of this beautiful family. To return to hell when i had a taste of heaven.

Today after church i went with daniela to grab some stuff and we had to the 30th floor and we saw Baby Caleb. He is so chubby and cute LAH! and so smart (: i love him, and not forgetting Wesley.

Its PUBLIC HOLIDAY TOMORROW!!! YAY! but its a whole week of test already!! DAMN.