WHAT AN EXPERIENCE.



With heartfelt gratitude to Nattie, Shuhui, Eunice, Miracle, Michelle, Giddy, Donk, Russell, Julian, Daniel, James, Justin, Benjy, Gareth.

Met Jason after lessons for the briefing before the finals begins - 4.30pm.
As time continues to advance, the expectancy within me began to increase. Awaiting for my beloved friends to appear. One by one each began to turn up. Yeah, my heart was touched.

we were suppose to draw lots to determine who is go first and we got to present 4th. Nattie and shuhui came just before my performance and Eunice, benjy and michelle and Daniel turned up just when i ended. I was feeling rather apologetic that they came all the way here only to receive news that i have just performed so i wanted to do it one for time just for them.

When all the contestants have performed, they pronounced the results and i got third.


2nd runner up.


I didn't exactly knew how i felt. Definitely more on the negative side. i felt lousy honestly. As my thoughts began to crystallise, i knew i was very painful. I feel like im nothing compared to the other team - the one who got first. honestly, she has the voice, the looks, and she is slim. HAHA. i know this is rather nuts. but thats how i felt. i was confident that i was gona get either first or second. It seems like i have used this position of being third to determine my self worth. Self worth that i will never be good enough. It wasnt the trophy that mattered, it wasnt the money that you can get by winning that mattered. as a matter of fact, i misplaced my trophy.

as we leave the auditorium, we went to cam whore and russell and julian came. i was touched honestly. i wonder if they knew they would miss my performance yet they still came. Though he felt that he didnt do much, wasnt even there to support me, i was just so blessed.

the gang of us headed to Tampines mall to eat. i was feeling really low and i just had no energy to mask it up, to pretend to be happy and laugh. i just am gloomy. and it is all written on my face.

The girls were really nice to allow me to share what was in my heart. and they prayed over me and each saw a vision for me.

i knew clearly that it was not by chance that i got third. Cause God said that the king's heart is directed by him. There is no reason God would make a mistake.

Honestly, I prayed before i entered this competition and God was the one who prompt me to join this contest. That boosted my confidence that i was going to win. I thought that God was on my side backing me up. Then i realised that our God is not interested in the results or the ending. He is more interested in the process, the process of which we become more and more like Him. If i had gotten first or second, i would have been proud. so perhaps there is this smashing, a training to break my pride and holding on of achievements. all my life i wanted to hold to something. and each was just taken away. Be it my daddy, my mummy, or my brothers and even the babies. I wanted them badly. i desperately needed them. But time and again they were just taken away - G O N E.

There is this strong emptiness within me that with human strength, i tried to fill it. Only to face with disappointment time and again, making me more lonier than before. i placed my hope in my talent, in this competition only to face with strong disappointment. Im still walking through the process of getting over this. the feelings and all.

But to end it, i'd say that God knows better than I and i need not question Him. I know that years down the road, as i look back, i'd know strongly that this breaking was necessary.