a little of me

LIFE is such that, every one has their own special story to share.

As i was texting a beloved friend of mine, as i told her more about myself, i realise more about myself. i had always knew i was like this. But now i REALLY see it.

Ever since dad left when i was young, nature taught me to shut my heart up. Nature taught to never allow someone to come too close - too close to my heart. Nature taught me to protect myself from being hurt - again. to prevent history from repeating itself. As far as i have lived, i was an always smiley girl. I seemingly was the head and in control, i seemingly had many friends, but yet who would realise that i was but a lonely girl within.

i wanted a friend who would understand and just be there. Yet with each human that i look to, i could only but be disappointed. Which gave me even more pain. But every one in this world is just searching for a zi ji, afriend who just understand without you saying much. i guess really arent a sin. but of course we cant let the person become our idol.

as the years passed, i began to be a very good listening ear. I love to listen to the heart beat of others. i love to lend them my shoulder to cry on, to offer a hug in times of trouble. to each and everyone of them, i would just stretch out my arms to at least try to pick them up. I could almost read them like a book.

When troubles come for me, my friends would want to hear my heart out too. and it was then that they feel like i was very evasive. No one knew me. i didnt allowed anyone to step into my heart before. As long as i can, i only want to protect myself. Perhaps even till now, i have not recovered totally from this sickness.

Each time i foresee pain i just want to cut the person away. Yet who can deny, that pain is the best teacher to help us grow.

i pray that this time, with the help of beloved, we can all do this together :)

AUDITION IS AFTER SCHOOL FOR ME LATER! pray all goes well!