PS: this is a really long post. longest i've ever writte. with that statement u should be able to gauge just how long. so if u dun have the time, dun start, cause theres no point browsing through. if u have too much time, this would probably keep u entertained for a good while.
So whats been going on in my life
Took a nap when i got back home from violin and woke up at seven. didnt expect the slp to take up to about two hrs. wanted to slp more but i figured i shouldnt if not i wont be able to sleep tonight and its gna affect my next day, where i plan to chiong my studies in school from early in the morning.
been awhile since i last updated. like really really updated. and so this is gona be a really long post. really really long cause in this post, i pasted a chapter from a book written by Joshua Harris. everyone should at least read that book once. though each time you read it, it would minister differently to you. and it did, to me horror last night. haha. but nope, it isnt this chapter that i have pasted.
so i oke up at seven, with miracle needing to chiong report and faith not available to catch step up three with me, i just rotted at home. wishing that my dinner would suddenly appear before me. Dad is gna end work late. mum too. but im too lazy to get myself out of the house. so i shall be having my dinner at 10pm plus. damn. back to bad eating habits and appetite.
lately, the violin has been my best friend. cause i threw a challenge to myself that whenever i emo (sounds a lil corny) i shant show it on my face. cause i was just talking to my violin teacher and she said emotional people are the best candidates to play the violin. and yes, i suit tt category. and she told me that im a straightforward person cause its written all over my face when i emo. which is a bad thing cause its not nice la. and why make the ppl ard u suffer. so i decided that when im feeling down or frustrated about things, im gna vent it out by playing the violin. and so i tried for the last two weeks. and it really helped. playing the guitar and piano doesnt help much. but my, does violin really work. and so i find myself picking up the violin more often, frequenting the reservoir more often.
reservoir is the best place to be, where u just face the waters(?), the open skies and play and where you just lose yourself in the music. the first time i as there with my violin with nicole, i felt so free and relaxed.. and to my advantage, i am more motivated to practice more :) so yay. though i may be sad or frustrated, i cld still face the world with a smile cause all that i cldnt express with words, i cld express with music and that help me to not bottle it all up and resulting in me 'emoing'. so life's alot more brighter. so here is the one chapter from the book:
"The Right Thing at the Wrong Time Is the Wrong Thing"
How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of the Gift of Singleness
By Joshua Harris
How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of the Gift of Singleness
By Joshua Harris
In The Book of Virtues, William J. Bennett tells a story called “The Magic Thread.” In this French tale we read of Peter, a boy who is strong and able, yet sadly flawed by an attitude of impatience. Always dissatisfied with his present condition, Peter spends his life day-dreaming about the future.
One day while wandering in the forest, Peter meets a strange old woman who gives him a most tantalizing opportunity – the chance to skip the dull, mundane moments of life. She hands Peter a silver ball from which tiny gold thread protrudes. “This is your life thread,” she explained. “Do not touch it and time pass normally. But if you wish time to pass more quickly, you have only to pull the thread a little way and an hour will pass like a second. But I warn you, once the thread has been pulled out, it cannot be pushed back in again.”
This magical thread seems the answer to all of Peter’s problems. It is just what he has always wanted. He takes the ball and runs home.
The following day in school Peter has his first opportunity to put the silver ball to use. The lesson is dragging, and the teacher scolds Peter for not concentrating. Peter fingers the silver ball and gives the thread a slight tug. Suddenly the teacher dismisses the class, and Peter is free to leave school. He is overjoyed! How easy his life will now be. From this moment, Peter begins to pull the thread a little every day.
But soon Peter begins to use the magic thread to rush through larger portions of life. Why waste time pulling the thread just a little every day when he can pull it hard and complete school altogether? He does so and finds himself out of school and apprenticed in a trade. Peter uses the same technique to rush through his engagement to his sweetheart. He cannot bear to wait months to marry her, so he uses the golden thread to hasten the arrival of his wedding day.
Peter continues this pattern throughout his life. When hard, trying times come, he escapes them with his magic thread. When the baby cries at night, when he faces financial struggles, when he wishes his own children to be launched in careers of their own, Peter pulls the magic thread and bypasses the discomfort of the moment.
But sadly, when he comes to the end of his life, Peter realizes the emptiness of such an existence. By allowing impatience and discontentment to rule him, Peter has robbed himself of life’s richest moments and memories. With only the grave to look forward to, he deeply regrets ever having used the magic thread.
In introducing this story, Mr. Bennett insightfully comments, “Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The ironic of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile.”
Does Impatience Dictate Our Dating?
I think we can gain valuable insight from Mr. Bennett’s words as we examine the attitudes that often guide dating. As we apply his words to the subject of this book, we move from the ethereal topic of love to the more concrete subject of timing. When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us. And we can only determine the appropriate time to pursue romance when we understand God’s purpose of singleness and trust His timing for relationships.
Though it isn’t true of all relationships, dating relationships are often fueled by impatience, and we can directly relate many problems with dating to wrong timing. We want what we want right now. While we don’t possess a magical gold thread to rush us through life, we can develop wrong attitudes that have a similar effect. But God wants us to appropriate the gifts of the present season of our lives. He wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives. Let’s examine three simple truths that can help correct wrong attitudes about the timing of relationships.
1. THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS THE WRONG THING.
In today’s world we don’t readily accept the concept of delayed gratification. Our culture teaches us that if something is good, we should seek to enjoy it immediately. So we microwave our food, e-mail our letters, and express mail our packages. We do our best to escape the confines of time by accelerating our schedules, speeding up our pace, and doing whatever it takes to beat the clock. You probably know exactly what I mean. How did you respond the last time you had to wait in line for something? Did you patiently wait your turn, or did you tap your toe and try to rush the experience?
Our “do it all now” mentality has tremendously affected the timing of today’s dating relationships. We see this in headlines about kids having sex at an increasingly young age. As young people rush prematurely into these activities that God has reserved for marriage, most of their elders do little to correct them. After all, what can adults say when they live by the same attitudes?
Why do we insist on living this way? In my opinion, part of the reason we’ve adopted the immediate gratification mentality is because we’ve lost sight of the biblical principle of seasons (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Just as spring’s role is different from that of fall, so each of the seasons of our lives has a different emphasis, focus, and beauty. One is not better than another; each season yields its own unique treasures. We cannot skip ahead to experience the riches of another life season any more than a farmer can rush the spring. Each season builds on the one before it.
God has many wonderful experiences He wants to give to us, but He also assigns these experiences to particular seasons of our lives. We often make the mistake, however, of taking a good thing out of its appropriate season to enjoy it when we want it. Premarital sex is a prime example of this. Sex in itself is a wonderful experience (from what my married friends tell me), but if we indulge in it outside of God’s plan, we sin (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God’s timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives.
Just because something is good doesn’t mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
2. YOU DON’T NEED TO SHOP FOR WHAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD.
The timing of many dating relationships is equivalent to going shopping for an outfit when you don’t have money; even if you find the “perfect fit,” what can you do about it?
This is an example of how the Little Relationship Principle we talked about in chapter 2 can help us with issues of timing. Do you remember the principle? The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. How does this help us determine whether our dating is premature shopping for something we can’t afford? Think of restating the principle this way: “Intimacy costs commitment. If I’m not in a position to pay in the cold, hard cash of commitment, I have no business going shopping for my future mate.”
Before two people are ready for the responsibility of commitment, they should content themselves with friendship and wait on deep emotional intimacy. Exercising this patience will not handicap them relationally. In friendship, they can practice the skills of relating, caring, and sharing their lives with other people. In friendship, they can observe other people’s characters and begin to see what they’ll one day want in their mates. While it’s true we can learn worthwhile lessons from dating relationships, we need to make sure those relationships don’t bog us down. Wasting too much time trying each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend can actually distract two people from the more important task of preparing to be good spouses.
God has a perfect plan for your life. More than likely, that plan includes marriage, and if so, somewhere in this world God has the perfect person for you. You may or may not know this person right now. If you spend all your time and energy trying to hint this person down or (if you’ve already found this person) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice. We’ll talk later in the book about how we can be making the most of the season of waiting. For now what’s most important to realize is that the guy or girl you will one day marry doesn’t need a girlfriend or boyfriend (even though he or she may want one right now). What that person really needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage to be a godly wife or husband.
Let’s do our future spouses a favor and stop shopping around prematurely.
3. ANY SEASON OF SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.
Most of us won’t remain single for our entire lives, and I think that we should view our singleness as a special season of our lives, a gift from God. God gives an outline for the proper attitude toward singleness in 1 Corinthians 7:32. The Message translation reads:
I want you to live as free of complication as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming… holy instruments of God. 1
Paul doesn’t say this to put marriage down. He says it to encourage us to view singleness as a gift. God doesn’t use our singleness to punish us. He has created this season as an unparalleled opportunity for undistracted devotion to God. And as a time for growth and service that we shouldn’t take for granted or allow to slip by.
One person rightly stated, “Don’t do something about your singlehood – do something with it!” Stop for just a minute and evaluate whether you’re using God’s gift of singleness as He desires. Ask yourself these questions:
Am I concentrating on “simply pleasing the Master”?
Am I using this season of my life to become a “holy” instrument for God?
Or am I scrambling to find a romantic relationship with someone by dating?
Am I failing to believe that God is sovereign over this part of my life and can provide for me?
Could I possibly be throwing away the gift of singleness?
Am I cluttering my life with needless complications and worries of dating?
While we’re single, dating not only keeps us from preparing for marriage, but can also quite possibly rob us of the gift of singleness. Dating can tie us down in a series of pseudo relationship, but God wants us to maximize our freedom and flexibility to serve Him. Any season of singleness, whether you’re sixteen or fifty-six, is a gift. You just might do God a disservice by wasting its potential on a lifestyle of short-term dating.
Do You Really Trust Him?
Though simply stated, these three truths can bring about radical lifestyle changes when we apply them to our lives. To do so requires us to wait. That’s right – God just asks us to wait. You might not find that idea bold and daring or very impressive, but it is obedient, and our obedience catches God’s attention (2 Chronicles 16:9).
Waiting for God’s timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us – both now and in the future.
I’ll freely admit it – I often have difficulty trusting God. When it comes to my love life, I have a nagging fear that He wants to keep me single forever. Or I fear that if He lets me marry, He’ll match me up with some girl to whom I won’t feel attracted.
I know these worries are silly. In my better moments I admit I haven’t based these fears on the reality of the loving, caring Father in heaven that I’ve come to know. But even though I know He’s a good God, I often allow my lack of faith to affect the way I approach dating.
I fear that God might forget me. Instead of trusting in His perfect timing, I often try to take things into my own hands. I grab my life’s calendar from God and frantically begin to pencil in my own plans and agendas. “God, I know You’re omnipotent and all that,” I say, “but I really think You missed the fact that this girl over here is my destiny. If I don’t go after her now, my future will pass me by!” Eventually I sheepishly hand back the scheduling of my time, energy, and attention, saying, “Of course I trust You, Lord, but I just think You could use a little help.”
Dating and Marshmallows
An article in Time magazine left this indelible image in my mind: a little child sitting alone in a room, staring at a marshmallow. This strange picture captures the feelings I sometimes have in my struggle to trust God to take care of my future marital status.
The article’s subject was unrelated to dating – and marshmallows, too, for that matter. It was about research done with children. The first few paragraphs went this way:
It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children, one by one, into a plain room and begins the gentle torment. “You can have this marshmallow right now,” he says. “But if you wait while I run an errand, you can have two marshmallows when I get back.” And then he leaves.
Some children grab the treat the minute he’s out the door. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. They covers their eyes; They put their heads down; they sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns, he gives these children their hard-earned marshmallows. And then, science waits for them to grow up.
By the time the children reach high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children’s parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds had the fortitude to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. They buckled under stress and shied away from challenges.
Of course, the moral of the story is that developing the character necessary to delay gratification in small areas can translate into great success in other areas. But the four-year-olds in the study didn’t know that. They didn’t resist marshmallow in hopes of getting better grades in high school. They overcame their urge to eat the marshmallow because they had faith – they could envision the moment when the nice man in the white coat would come back with two marshmallows. They preserved because they trusted.
This story really encourages me. Sometimes as I wait on God’s timing for romance, I go through the same internal struggle those kids much have endured. Like a marshmallow beckoning the child to eat its sweet fluffiness, dating is calling my name. And let me tell you, it looks good.
Why don’t I snatch it up? Why shouldn’t you? Because God has promised something better. He provides something better now as we take advantage of the unique opportunities of singleness, and He’ll provide something better later when we enter into marriage. But we must have faith to believe it. Like those little children, we’re left alone with something that we think could satisfy us immediately. And we can’t see the reward of delaying our gratification.
It gets down to this question: Do you trust God? Don’t just give a knee-jerk, Sunday school answer. Do you really trust Him? Do you live your life as if you trust Him? Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it’s the wrong time, God will bring you something better when it is the right time?
Jim and Elisabeth Elliot faced this difficult question in their passionate relationship. They loved each other deeply, yet they placed God’s will before their own desires. In Passion and Purity, Mrs. Elliot writes:
We were being asked to leave the planning to God. God’s ultimate plan was as far beyond our imaginings as the oak tree is from the acorns imaginings. The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him. We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, “… If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.”
When will we find it? We ask. The answer is, Trust Me.
How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.
Why must I let myself be lost? We persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.
God Knew Best
Many people realize too late that we don’t arrive at contentment as a destination as much as we develop contentment as a state of mind. Paul tells us in 1 Tim 6:6 that “godliness with contentment is great gain.” And in Philippians 4:11 he writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” What is Paul’s secret?
Paul shares it with us: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Paul trusted God to give him strength to endure any situation he faced. In the same way, we can gain contentment when we trust in God’s strength and grace to sustain us through any circumstance. Whether you’re single or married, whether you’re liked, loved, or lonely, the key to contentment is trust. Believe it or not, if we are discontented with singleness, we’ll more than likely face discontentment when we’re married. When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will never arrive. We’ll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us, we will miss the gift of the moment. We’ll arrive at that point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking.
One lady wrote to me, frustrated that people often view a single woman as just marking time until the right man comes along. “Poor single woman!” she continued. “The world wants her to fornicate, and the church wants her to marry! Whatever happened to what Paul said about the blessings of being single? William Booth, the founder of Salvation Army, wrote, ‘Don’t instill, or allow anybody else to instill into the hearts of your girls the idea that marriage is the chief end of life. If you do, don’t be surprised if they get engaged to the first empty, useless fool they come across.’ Women (and men) should marry when it is plainly the will of God for their lives, not because they ‘can’t minister’ otherwise, or because of social pressure.” I can only add a hearty “Amen!” to her comments.
Author John Fischer, speaking as a single, young adult said:
God has called me to live now, not four years from now. He wants me to realize my full potential as a man right now, to be thankful for that; and to enjoy it to the fullest. I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again. He will ask himself, “Why didn’t I use that time, when I didn’t have so many other obligations, to serve the Lord? Why didn’t I give myself totally to Him then?”
Instead of rushing foolishly into a marriage because of impatience or one day looking back at our season of singleness with regret, let’s commit to using our singleness to its fullest potential. Singleness is a gift. Let’s rejoice in it and enjoy its opportunities today. Let’s practice trusting God by pursuing His kingdom and His righteousness with all our hearts and by leaving the planning to Him.
In this life we will not understand all He does. But we know that in the end His perfect timing will be revealed. In a poem titled “Sometime,” May Riley Smith beautifully expresses the perspective of heaven we will one day possess:
Sometime, when all life’s lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments here have spurned,
The things o’er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life’s dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God’s plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content poor heart;
God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold; we must not tear the close-shut leaves apart, -
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we will say, “God knew the best!”
Do you believe that God knows best? The place your life’s calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” God says, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Let’s live our today for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.
We couldn’t lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust.
One day while wandering in the forest, Peter meets a strange old woman who gives him a most tantalizing opportunity – the chance to skip the dull, mundane moments of life. She hands Peter a silver ball from which tiny gold thread protrudes. “This is your life thread,” she explained. “Do not touch it and time pass normally. But if you wish time to pass more quickly, you have only to pull the thread a little way and an hour will pass like a second. But I warn you, once the thread has been pulled out, it cannot be pushed back in again.”
This magical thread seems the answer to all of Peter’s problems. It is just what he has always wanted. He takes the ball and runs home.
The following day in school Peter has his first opportunity to put the silver ball to use. The lesson is dragging, and the teacher scolds Peter for not concentrating. Peter fingers the silver ball and gives the thread a slight tug. Suddenly the teacher dismisses the class, and Peter is free to leave school. He is overjoyed! How easy his life will now be. From this moment, Peter begins to pull the thread a little every day.
But soon Peter begins to use the magic thread to rush through larger portions of life. Why waste time pulling the thread just a little every day when he can pull it hard and complete school altogether? He does so and finds himself out of school and apprenticed in a trade. Peter uses the same technique to rush through his engagement to his sweetheart. He cannot bear to wait months to marry her, so he uses the golden thread to hasten the arrival of his wedding day.
Peter continues this pattern throughout his life. When hard, trying times come, he escapes them with his magic thread. When the baby cries at night, when he faces financial struggles, when he wishes his own children to be launched in careers of their own, Peter pulls the magic thread and bypasses the discomfort of the moment.
But sadly, when he comes to the end of his life, Peter realizes the emptiness of such an existence. By allowing impatience and discontentment to rule him, Peter has robbed himself of life’s richest moments and memories. With only the grave to look forward to, he deeply regrets ever having used the magic thread.
In introducing this story, Mr. Bennett insightfully comments, “Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The ironic of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile.”
Does Impatience Dictate Our Dating?
I think we can gain valuable insight from Mr. Bennett’s words as we examine the attitudes that often guide dating. As we apply his words to the subject of this book, we move from the ethereal topic of love to the more concrete subject of timing. When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us. And we can only determine the appropriate time to pursue romance when we understand God’s purpose of singleness and trust His timing for relationships.
Though it isn’t true of all relationships, dating relationships are often fueled by impatience, and we can directly relate many problems with dating to wrong timing. We want what we want right now. While we don’t possess a magical gold thread to rush us through life, we can develop wrong attitudes that have a similar effect. But God wants us to appropriate the gifts of the present season of our lives. He wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives. Let’s examine three simple truths that can help correct wrong attitudes about the timing of relationships.
1. THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS THE WRONG THING.
In today’s world we don’t readily accept the concept of delayed gratification. Our culture teaches us that if something is good, we should seek to enjoy it immediately. So we microwave our food, e-mail our letters, and express mail our packages. We do our best to escape the confines of time by accelerating our schedules, speeding up our pace, and doing whatever it takes to beat the clock. You probably know exactly what I mean. How did you respond the last time you had to wait in line for something? Did you patiently wait your turn, or did you tap your toe and try to rush the experience?
Our “do it all now” mentality has tremendously affected the timing of today’s dating relationships. We see this in headlines about kids having sex at an increasingly young age. As young people rush prematurely into these activities that God has reserved for marriage, most of their elders do little to correct them. After all, what can adults say when they live by the same attitudes?
Why do we insist on living this way? In my opinion, part of the reason we’ve adopted the immediate gratification mentality is because we’ve lost sight of the biblical principle of seasons (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Just as spring’s role is different from that of fall, so each of the seasons of our lives has a different emphasis, focus, and beauty. One is not better than another; each season yields its own unique treasures. We cannot skip ahead to experience the riches of another life season any more than a farmer can rush the spring. Each season builds on the one before it.
God has many wonderful experiences He wants to give to us, but He also assigns these experiences to particular seasons of our lives. We often make the mistake, however, of taking a good thing out of its appropriate season to enjoy it when we want it. Premarital sex is a prime example of this. Sex in itself is a wonderful experience (from what my married friends tell me), but if we indulge in it outside of God’s plan, we sin (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God’s timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives.
Just because something is good doesn’t mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
2. YOU DON’T NEED TO SHOP FOR WHAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD.
The timing of many dating relationships is equivalent to going shopping for an outfit when you don’t have money; even if you find the “perfect fit,” what can you do about it?
This is an example of how the Little Relationship Principle we talked about in chapter 2 can help us with issues of timing. Do you remember the principle? The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. How does this help us determine whether our dating is premature shopping for something we can’t afford? Think of restating the principle this way: “Intimacy costs commitment. If I’m not in a position to pay in the cold, hard cash of commitment, I have no business going shopping for my future mate.”
Before two people are ready for the responsibility of commitment, they should content themselves with friendship and wait on deep emotional intimacy. Exercising this patience will not handicap them relationally. In friendship, they can practice the skills of relating, caring, and sharing their lives with other people. In friendship, they can observe other people’s characters and begin to see what they’ll one day want in their mates. While it’s true we can learn worthwhile lessons from dating relationships, we need to make sure those relationships don’t bog us down. Wasting too much time trying each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend can actually distract two people from the more important task of preparing to be good spouses.
God has a perfect plan for your life. More than likely, that plan includes marriage, and if so, somewhere in this world God has the perfect person for you. You may or may not know this person right now. If you spend all your time and energy trying to hint this person down or (if you’ve already found this person) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice. We’ll talk later in the book about how we can be making the most of the season of waiting. For now what’s most important to realize is that the guy or girl you will one day marry doesn’t need a girlfriend or boyfriend (even though he or she may want one right now). What that person really needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage to be a godly wife or husband.
Let’s do our future spouses a favor and stop shopping around prematurely.
3. ANY SEASON OF SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.
Most of us won’t remain single for our entire lives, and I think that we should view our singleness as a special season of our lives, a gift from God. God gives an outline for the proper attitude toward singleness in 1 Corinthians 7:32. The Message translation reads:
I want you to live as free of complication as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming… holy instruments of God. 1
Paul doesn’t say this to put marriage down. He says it to encourage us to view singleness as a gift. God doesn’t use our singleness to punish us. He has created this season as an unparalleled opportunity for undistracted devotion to God. And as a time for growth and service that we shouldn’t take for granted or allow to slip by.
One person rightly stated, “Don’t do something about your singlehood – do something with it!” Stop for just a minute and evaluate whether you’re using God’s gift of singleness as He desires. Ask yourself these questions:
Am I concentrating on “simply pleasing the Master”?
Am I using this season of my life to become a “holy” instrument for God?
Or am I scrambling to find a romantic relationship with someone by dating?
Am I failing to believe that God is sovereign over this part of my life and can provide for me?
Could I possibly be throwing away the gift of singleness?
Am I cluttering my life with needless complications and worries of dating?
While we’re single, dating not only keeps us from preparing for marriage, but can also quite possibly rob us of the gift of singleness. Dating can tie us down in a series of pseudo relationship, but God wants us to maximize our freedom and flexibility to serve Him. Any season of singleness, whether you’re sixteen or fifty-six, is a gift. You just might do God a disservice by wasting its potential on a lifestyle of short-term dating.
Do You Really Trust Him?
Though simply stated, these three truths can bring about radical lifestyle changes when we apply them to our lives. To do so requires us to wait. That’s right – God just asks us to wait. You might not find that idea bold and daring or very impressive, but it is obedient, and our obedience catches God’s attention (2 Chronicles 16:9).
Waiting for God’s timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us – both now and in the future.
I’ll freely admit it – I often have difficulty trusting God. When it comes to my love life, I have a nagging fear that He wants to keep me single forever. Or I fear that if He lets me marry, He’ll match me up with some girl to whom I won’t feel attracted.
I know these worries are silly. In my better moments I admit I haven’t based these fears on the reality of the loving, caring Father in heaven that I’ve come to know. But even though I know He’s a good God, I often allow my lack of faith to affect the way I approach dating.
I fear that God might forget me. Instead of trusting in His perfect timing, I often try to take things into my own hands. I grab my life’s calendar from God and frantically begin to pencil in my own plans and agendas. “God, I know You’re omnipotent and all that,” I say, “but I really think You missed the fact that this girl over here is my destiny. If I don’t go after her now, my future will pass me by!” Eventually I sheepishly hand back the scheduling of my time, energy, and attention, saying, “Of course I trust You, Lord, but I just think You could use a little help.”
Dating and Marshmallows
An article in Time magazine left this indelible image in my mind: a little child sitting alone in a room, staring at a marshmallow. This strange picture captures the feelings I sometimes have in my struggle to trust God to take care of my future marital status.
The article’s subject was unrelated to dating – and marshmallows, too, for that matter. It was about research done with children. The first few paragraphs went this way:
It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children, one by one, into a plain room and begins the gentle torment. “You can have this marshmallow right now,” he says. “But if you wait while I run an errand, you can have two marshmallows when I get back.” And then he leaves.
Some children grab the treat the minute he’s out the door. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. They covers their eyes; They put their heads down; they sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns, he gives these children their hard-earned marshmallows. And then, science waits for them to grow up.
By the time the children reach high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children’s parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds had the fortitude to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. They buckled under stress and shied away from challenges.
Of course, the moral of the story is that developing the character necessary to delay gratification in small areas can translate into great success in other areas. But the four-year-olds in the study didn’t know that. They didn’t resist marshmallow in hopes of getting better grades in high school. They overcame their urge to eat the marshmallow because they had faith – they could envision the moment when the nice man in the white coat would come back with two marshmallows. They preserved because they trusted.
This story really encourages me. Sometimes as I wait on God’s timing for romance, I go through the same internal struggle those kids much have endured. Like a marshmallow beckoning the child to eat its sweet fluffiness, dating is calling my name. And let me tell you, it looks good.
Why don’t I snatch it up? Why shouldn’t you? Because God has promised something better. He provides something better now as we take advantage of the unique opportunities of singleness, and He’ll provide something better later when we enter into marriage. But we must have faith to believe it. Like those little children, we’re left alone with something that we think could satisfy us immediately. And we can’t see the reward of delaying our gratification.
It gets down to this question: Do you trust God? Don’t just give a knee-jerk, Sunday school answer. Do you really trust Him? Do you live your life as if you trust Him? Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it’s the wrong time, God will bring you something better when it is the right time?
Jim and Elisabeth Elliot faced this difficult question in their passionate relationship. They loved each other deeply, yet they placed God’s will before their own desires. In Passion and Purity, Mrs. Elliot writes:
We were being asked to leave the planning to God. God’s ultimate plan was as far beyond our imaginings as the oak tree is from the acorns imaginings. The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him. We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, “… If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.”
When will we find it? We ask. The answer is, Trust Me.
How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.
Why must I let myself be lost? We persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.
God Knew Best
Many people realize too late that we don’t arrive at contentment as a destination as much as we develop contentment as a state of mind. Paul tells us in 1 Tim 6:6 that “godliness with contentment is great gain.” And in Philippians 4:11 he writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” What is Paul’s secret?
Paul shares it with us: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Paul trusted God to give him strength to endure any situation he faced. In the same way, we can gain contentment when we trust in God’s strength and grace to sustain us through any circumstance. Whether you’re single or married, whether you’re liked, loved, or lonely, the key to contentment is trust. Believe it or not, if we are discontented with singleness, we’ll more than likely face discontentment when we’re married. When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will never arrive. We’ll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us, we will miss the gift of the moment. We’ll arrive at that point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking.
One lady wrote to me, frustrated that people often view a single woman as just marking time until the right man comes along. “Poor single woman!” she continued. “The world wants her to fornicate, and the church wants her to marry! Whatever happened to what Paul said about the blessings of being single? William Booth, the founder of Salvation Army, wrote, ‘Don’t instill, or allow anybody else to instill into the hearts of your girls the idea that marriage is the chief end of life. If you do, don’t be surprised if they get engaged to the first empty, useless fool they come across.’ Women (and men) should marry when it is plainly the will of God for their lives, not because they ‘can’t minister’ otherwise, or because of social pressure.” I can only add a hearty “Amen!” to her comments.
Author John Fischer, speaking as a single, young adult said:
God has called me to live now, not four years from now. He wants me to realize my full potential as a man right now, to be thankful for that; and to enjoy it to the fullest. I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again. He will ask himself, “Why didn’t I use that time, when I didn’t have so many other obligations, to serve the Lord? Why didn’t I give myself totally to Him then?”
Instead of rushing foolishly into a marriage because of impatience or one day looking back at our season of singleness with regret, let’s commit to using our singleness to its fullest potential. Singleness is a gift. Let’s rejoice in it and enjoy its opportunities today. Let’s practice trusting God by pursuing His kingdom and His righteousness with all our hearts and by leaving the planning to Him.
In this life we will not understand all He does. But we know that in the end His perfect timing will be revealed. In a poem titled “Sometime,” May Riley Smith beautifully expresses the perspective of heaven we will one day possess:
Sometime, when all life’s lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments here have spurned,
The things o’er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life’s dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God’s plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content poor heart;
God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold; we must not tear the close-shut leaves apart, -
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we will say, “God knew the best!”
Do you believe that God knows best? The place your life’s calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” God says, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Let’s live our today for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.
We couldn’t lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust.
Awesome much. does this speak to you? i always tell the people around me, that this journey of life with Christ, id sum it up with the word 'faith'. how true do i think these words that are pen down by Joshua Harris are? i do not know. by faith. im taking a gamble with faith. and thats all i need. really. and how do i knw? faith again. i have faith that one day when i look back, id thank my faith for bringing me where i am.
i especially hate this sentence 'going off course to get on course'. where God doesnt just show us things plainly, get us there straight. but He had to get us off course. i hate this sentence cause boy, do i know the reality of this statement.
In the month of august, we celebrated my mum's and brother's birthday. i love this picture alot. and probably one that i will treasure till the day i die because this is the closest to a family portrait i have ever taken- of course, without my dad. and probably nvr would have unless someone does a photoshop for me. haha. which will be really weird anyway. its sad. i cant imagine having my dad in this picture. no memory bank to draw any memories from. of course, one of my dream is to be able to take a family portrait. Many a times, when we have it, we dunno how to treasure it. and only when its gone do we appreciate the value of it.
this picture, tells a story of a broken home. you see that girl in pink? her life, she is living with the consequences of the sin of the parents.
consequences that has caused her to see the world as hostile and dangerous, that has caused her to make vows that is detrimental to her wellbeing just because she grew up in a broken home and has caused her to come to a conclusion to nvr trust her heart with another man cause one day, they will leave you. so before they leave you, dun give them a chance to enter.
consequences that has caused her to see the world as hostile and dangerous, that has caused her to make vows that is detrimental to her wellbeing just because she grew up in a broken home and has caused her to come to a conclusion to nvr trust her heart with another man cause one day, they will leave you. so before they leave you, dun give them a chance to enter.
Lucky for me, i've got God. and im aware of this problem that i have. but it'll take a big fight to get out of this trap- the castle that the wicked witch has trapped me in for the past twelve yrs.
like any other girl, i yearn to be married and have my own kids. but the fear is gripping and so real... but one day when i do get married, i wont wana repeat the lives of my parents. and for that, i will put up a good fight with my all. kudos to the future and many more!
this is my eldest brother whom i loved dearly. when we took this picture, i told him cheekily. kor, we take a picture tgt then we put as our fb profile pic ok? then u say is ur gf :) hahahaha.
when my dad left the family, i looked to him to love me. he was closer to me when my parents just divorced.. he'd protect me and play with me.. or so i thot.. but he left my life too. and i hardly get to see him.. and that was strike two. another man that i loved walking out of my life.
things wasnt really good with my second brother. we fought alot. physically. haha. i guess he loves me la. but i always felt like a burden to him. i tried to please him in whatever ways i know how.. i tried to make him love me. and all my life, i can only rmb that once where he held my hand and we crossed the road. that was the one and only time. but though it was the one and only time, i treasured it much and will always rmb that special day. when my eldest brother left, i turned to him.
but we fought non stop. he had his life to live. every night he would leave the house to meet his friends and id be left alone at home, fearful in the dark, forcing myself to fall aslp.. i always asked myself, why doesnt he love me? i'll always rmb that fateful night where i begged him to stay home with me. but he still left. and that was one night that id nvr forget. an event that happened that left me hiding in the kitchen toilet crying and feeling so alone.
things are better now that we are all grown up. but it depends on his mood largely. he is sometimes rlly nice to me, and sometimes so cold like a stranger. i always felt like i was the only child growing up.
but we fought non stop. he had his life to live. every night he would leave the house to meet his friends and id be left alone at home, fearful in the dark, forcing myself to fall aslp.. i always asked myself, why doesnt he love me? i'll always rmb that fateful night where i begged him to stay home with me. but he still left. and that was one night that id nvr forget. an event that happened that left me hiding in the kitchen toilet crying and feeling so alone.
things are better now that we are all grown up. but it depends on his mood largely. he is sometimes rlly nice to me, and sometimes so cold like a stranger. i always felt like i was the only child growing up.
these are my cousins and uncles
mum and i.
Im pretty much the exact replica of her. just that i always tell her im prettier than her cause i have got dimples. HAHAHA. okay, that being said, i know that im still my mum's pride :) i wana be able to one day provide for her and buy her anything that she wants. for all the hard work she put in to raise us up.
Im pretty much the exact replica of her. just that i always tell her im prettier than her cause i have got dimples. HAHAHA. okay, that being said, i know that im still my mum's pride :) i wana be able to one day provide for her and buy her anything that she wants. for all the hard work she put in to raise us up.
thanks for reading all the way till here. this is the longest post i have ever written and u probably just spend at least a good twenty minutes here? if u really read that one chapter and think about it.
With love,Davidee.
posted by Grace @ Thursday, August 19, 2010
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