God of this City - Chris Tomlin

i've got eczema on my elbow and it sucks. plaster my wound ytd in class but suddenly it started to itch and i went to scratch it and to my horror - eczema. when i mean horror, i really mean horror. it gets me feeling frustrated and angry and wanting to cry. it makes me just wana skin myself. HAHA, okay. just that this time round is not as bad la. its pretty mild compared to what i had last tym. and i thot i have fully recovered from it cause it haven visited me since lower secondary? which means its been about 5,6 years alrd.

it sucks to grow up suffering from eczema. the emotions that i experience.. the anger and the 'no one understands who i feel' kinda feeling. it sucks to the core. and to make matters worse, eczema has this link to bitterness or what not. when u have eczema, u are probably a bitter person and u need to deal with urself. repent yadayada. and u knw, for a person suffering from eczema, yea, it may be the truth, but it doesnt help tt such things are said cause it only rub salt into the wound.

okay tt being said, i knw that i need to have self control and change my thoughts. i was gna have my 'irritable and angry' thing starting when my best friend, a.k.a the Holy Spirit started to talk to me in a small voice and started to renew my mind. i was angry. and angry with God why He let me have eczema. is He trying to punish me or what? trying to get my attention?

but isnt it so shallow? that i praise Him in the good times as if He is all i love and adore and during the bad times i wallow in self pity and get angry with Him like He owes me something. then i rmbed reading in the book 'travelling light' that talks about how some ppl treat their God as a genie-in-a-bottle tt gives them whatever they wish for and aft that have the genie return to the bottle. nah, God aint my genie in a bottle.. He is still my sovereign Lord and will always be. so i repented that i was angry. how could i be so superficial. If Christ really reign in my heart, how could i be so flippant in my attitude towards Him?

And i thought about how im so blessed to have hands to begin with.. some ppl nvr had the chance to have eczema on their elbows- they do not have hands. maybe for them, if they were right beside me, they would smack and wana trade their life for mine. they'd rather have hands and bear the eczema than to nvr have eczema and no hands. ouch. wake up Grace. there is always someone out there worst than you. and i read a book last night- 'God of this city'.

It is a song written by someone tgt with Chris Tomlin (i think). and that song was birth as they were on mission trips and were devastated by the sights they see. how children were exploited for sex, the poverty and all, and this song was birthed.. and they wrote a bk on how this song was birthed. and so i thot about the children there. the eczema that im experiencing, is nth compared to what these children are experiencing. they barely have enough food to eat, a proper home to live in. and i have all of that.

and for all of this, i can only conclude, tt i am so blessed. start counting your blessings and stop wallowing in self pity. cause the world does not need an additional miserable person. it is alrd filled with many such ppl.

and lastly, id say that praising and worshippin God is not based on how i feel, whether im angry or not, whether i feel that im blessed by Him today and things are going good for me. it is based on how He is. and He is never changing, ever constant.