I live not to please anyone else.

i spent the whole day HOME today doing NOTHING! i literally on the computer like five times lah! on and off , on and off, on and off. actually had plans to do some stuff but failed. but anyway will be meeting baby for after her school tomorrow :) Grace is learning to save man. learning to not spend money and end up penniless at the end of the month.

its so sweet to have darlings who loves me and messages me early in the morning to ask how I'm doing and whether i was feeling lonely cause everyone else has started school but ME and asking me out for lunch to love me :) so sweet.

Yahyobabes is truly where home is. its only when you venture out from your sheltered comfort zone that you begin to appreciate the shelter you have and the friends that are there. i used to want so much to run away and out of this comfort zone and see what the world has got to offer. but barely of four days of camp, i really want holidays to be everlasting, never ending. im not ready to take this step out. i don't want to grow up. I don't know what are the things to anticipate out of this comfort zone. it seems like all there sixteen years i have been so well protected. from Daybreak, living under the wings of ACS and JC kids to disciple class under the care of mum serene.

but whether anot im mentally prepared, reality still have to be faced. school is starting. period. anxiety and fears are just occupying the places of my heart. is it because my trust is not in God? i reckon thats why. i face the fears of not being in the good books of my peers. the feares of being an outcast. the fears of isolation. the fears of gossips and slander and backstabbing. theres too much i have not seen and do not want to experience. but i guess i have to come to terms with the fact that i cant please everyone and afterall im not born to please everyone or anyone but only God himself. but yet this few days i havent been really reading His word and spending time with Him.

All this thoughts have really caused me to not be me at all. i force myself to be behind the crowd and not be outstanding in the midst of my other peers. but i have to breakthrough. break out of all this bondages and i know i will.

last but not least, i just want to thank all this special people :)

Dennis for being such a great friend. my apology for making you trip but you made me trip too so its fair and square ah. Glad that we still stayed in contact. Hope the rest of the three years will be great!!!
Daniel, for being such a great encourager and comforter. to be that special friend or perhaps 'pen-pal' cause most pen pals have never met each other before & you were a great listening ear :)