Missy GRACE

2010-12-20T20:00:00.001-08:00

thruelensofmyworld.tumblr.com

2010-11-16T21:47:00.000-08:00

It hurts to the core.

i hope that this will be an endurable one week.

2010-11-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

Hey You, Yes You, Im Looking At You.

Hello! Once again, picture uploads.. of MYSELF! BAA :)

sometimes i think I'm a narcissist ;p cant help it. now that Dad passed me the cam, i bring it out with me. or i should say, at least i tried. for a week. im not really a person who goes around with the camera and start snapping pictures of everything and everyone :p so, at least i tried. for a week. After which it is chuck aside. somewhere in one of my bags :D

Yup, i changed my blog skin. and i did not edit it at all. took my tagboard away cause i lazy to go and look at all the codes and find where to put in. the usual me would change this change that but i cant be bothered anymore.. so though this isnt the ideal, but nah. its just an outlet for me to blog, whenever i can. not like ppl leave much comments anyway. Haha.

Gawd, dont u just love the violin. they cost like close to 5,6 digits la! awesome. the sound it produces is.. awesomeee.. i wana get a new violin, a good one when i turn 21 :)

oh yea, that shall be in my 21st bdae wishlist. HAHA. a pat on my back cause i managed to pick my violin up this week.

something bad happened this week :( in the bloody train. one stupid man came and like happily stick his body to mine. damn it.. i can feel his @#$% and i tried to use my elbow to like keep him at a distance -.- though it didnt help much but at least he doesnt STICK STICK that badly. damn it. bad bad experience. and it made me cry after that. HAHA. i know, it doesnt sound so serious right.. but its just more to it la..

but this brought me closer to me dad :)

for the first time in my life, i hear my dad cried while talking about an incident that happened to me when i was younger..

when my parents separated, i was 'thrown' into the childcare center. and i wasnt allowed to meet my dad, and my dad wasnt allowed to see me, not even to talk to me through the window. but tt fateful day, he came to visit me.. yup, 'visit' me. it doesnt sound nice at all even as im typing it out. why would a parent need to 'visit' a child.. *roll eyes*

sounds like im in jail or something. oh yea, come to think of it, yes. it is like a prison to me. im caged inside with no freedom.

and the day he came to visit me, i felt damn guilty. cause rmb, i wasnt ALLOWED to see him. so i cried.. i didnt know what to do.. and we nvr got the chance to talk.. for the first time in my life, as i was talkin to my dad on the phone telling him about what happened and askin him, why was he nvr there to protect me when i was growin up. that i got bullied and i had to fend for myself..

then he said.. 'girl, dun cry.. the cry that u have now is the same cry u cried when u were at the childcare. and it breaks my heart. i've ever told u that my heart was so painful as i watch u cry.. and i walked away crying too..' as my dad recounted the incident, he started crying.. i just.. continued to cry cause i was already crying. haha.

for the first time my dad cried :( but it was a sweet moment.. i felt closer to him :) and i know, my dad loves me.

sigh, but that caused another problem...

i shall not elaborate.

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh. why must the children bear the consequences of the sin of the parents. and have to clear up their shit. why must they be so irresponsible and cause the children so much hurts and pain and trauma.

LOVE?

think again.

Love is not simply a four letter word. it is proven in every single action.

(M says i look like im wearing pyjamas. so i told her to take a picture so i can see for myself. NO, it does not look like a pyjamas. TY.)

is life fair? nope. Life is unfair to me. but there are more ppl whose life is more 'unfair' than mine. Do i have the right to be angry, to point my fingers at God, to get angry? nope.

the pastor shared on Sunday that even if God doesnt give us what we want, we have no RIGHT to be disappointed with Him. cause He is God. im not His God. He is not a genie in a bottle to answer all my wishes.

i just suddenly figured out that it will be quite cool if u my friends, would like to ask me any question about my life, or any questions, or any topic that u'd like to hear my views on. but im lazy to add the cbox in. so if really there is, then u can just me an email. grace_91@hotmail.com. just just put the title of the email as... BLOG? something along that line so i will read it and not treat it as some junk email.

but if there isnt, then its okay. i will just go on with my rantings whenever i feel like it :)

its saturday now. and i appreciate the time i have to myself right now to just blog and think about my life and just transfer whatever that is in my mind to the tip of my fingers as i just type non stop.

at this moment, im thinking, why do ppl read my blog.. and if they do, do they enjoy reading it?

I for one, read ppl's blog cause im just K-PO, or that im so bored i duno where else to go except facebook :P

I wonder if reading my blog will make me think. or they just like to read about my life, and step into my shoes.. i think this world is a lonely cold world. and i wish so much that i could be there for the ppl who are hurting and low and down.. i wish i could be their comfort, their listenin ear. but im only that limited.. my heart is very much for the ppl.. ppl who are brokened like me, who went through shit and trauma and pain. i wana tell them that they are not alone, and they've got me by their side to stand by them through this life... for that, i thank God for the experience i go through. though yea, it feels really unfair.. but i could touch the lives of many who are 'untouchable'.. i wana be a testimony to them, that in their life there can still be this word: HOPE.

okay, im just ranting. dun really know what im trying to say or if it makes sense.

2010-11-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

the way you brush your fingers against my hair.

I desperately need to do something to my blog skin.

Life's been good. im blogging from my office :D but cant change my blogskin here cause the computer is mad. doesnt allow me to download new skins :( but nonetheless, i shall do a brief update.

Gona be back in school in saturday... cause of some SIP compulsory meeting... time is passing really fast now. like day by day and soon u realise yet another week is gone.

i think what i would say of my life now is that im enjoying every moment of it. and yes, i do worry about the future, but im glad i get to enjoy the present now more than ever. actually its pretty much a good feeling. to be able to enjoy the present. i used to spent my life worrying about the future and wasting my present away. and soon when i look back, i just wasted precious moments of my life away.

i think i can say that im a contented girl now.

and im thankful for everything and anything in my life now :)

xoxo,

Gracey.

2010-10-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

I Give Myself Away, So You Can Use Me.

I love the song 'i give myself away'. youtube it! its one of Poppe's favorite and he introduced it to me. when i heard it, i fell in love with it too. the lyrics are nice, but beyond just nice, the words are hard to leave out.

All my dreams, all my plans, Lord I place them in Your hands

My life is not my own, to You I belong

Those are heavy words. but heavy as they are, id echo the same prayer. is it easy? nope. like what my lyrics for one of my latest song : 'He doesnt want your everything, He just wants Your life'

Is it cause He is demanding? nope, He loves me too much and i know that my life in His hands can only be outstanding and great. but yet, if i truly know that, why am i struggling? why is it so painful? cause the flesh is strong, and there are many things i want, i want to live life the way i want to, to be with the person i want to, to dress the way i want to, to go to the places i want to.

Greatness- there is a price to pay.

I wish:

I wish the night would be never ending,

I wish the earth may just stop spinning,

and the clock would just stop ticking,

With just me and you, below the bright stars shining.

♥
Baby you know I'll be your princess ♥

2010-10-26T04:11:00.001-07:00

It's Been A While.

The last update was before I started my attachment? (i meant REAL updates. not the one where i just copied and paste an article from the net) How have my readers been? Have you been coming to check this page out only to be disappointed that there aint much updates? haha. its kinda weird cause i duno how is reading and if there are even people who does.

But nonetheless, im glad that this time round when you find yourself at my page, there's something for you to read and maybe for you to be updated about my life :)

Again, its pictures upload time. too many words, i may just lose your attention. but even if the pictures distract you from the words, at least there are some pictures to keep you entertained.

Work life has been pretty alright... its now into the 6th week of my attachment already, and the colleagues are awesome ppl. they are all really friendly and nice towards me. And im looking forward for the next intern from SP to come in Nov :p

Today i did not report to work cause i was sick and went to see the doctor.

and i did silly things like painting my nails - weirdly. haha. bro is back home. and it was nice cause we ordered mac delivery and ate together. he sat beside me in my room to use the computer. cause i was using it. so maybe so he could use it, he bribed me with mac :p nah, kidding, he will still ask what id like to have (if he is in a good mood) its mixed feelings to have my brothers moving back home. im getting used to being home alone n now they are back. couldnt sleep well last night cause it was weird tt he was home? yea. sounds silly.

And the scary part?

They are gona bring two dogs from my dad's place to our place.

WHAT?! so that makes it three dogs in my house =.=

NOOO! i like my house smelling nice and clean! ARGH.

I dun wana come home to a war with three dogs like how it was when leslie was still free to roam about the house!

nonetheless, my life has been good and cant be better :)

Cause i have great friends :) and most importantly, God has been healing me, and making me whole..

Lately, there's a boy in my life.

i wana fall in love with Christ everyday cause only He and He alone can fill Him. something feels amiss now. and i feel like its a season where i need to plough deeper in my relationship with Him.. It feels like a season where i will draw so close to Him.

This is nicole :) my love.

she plays the violin too. and the way we met is pretty amazing given that we are still in contact. met up quite alot her lately. but now school has started so she's gona be busy :(

for those wonderin what my plans are aft poly, HAHA. im going back to poly again ;p to take apart time diploma in early childhood.. i dunno where God is leading me but i'll take a step of faith and He will light the way ahead for me. all i've got to do is to obey :) im really excited about tt. and ppl will probably think im mad. but,if thats my passion, why not?

I permed my hair today!

2010-10-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

from: http://christianarticles.net/articledetail.php?artid=5778&catid=67&title=Change

Change is not something that we readily accept. For most of us, change is something that we avoid because we are so comfortable with what we are or where we are that trying to take a step away from our comfort zone is difficult. We don’t like to change the way we dress because we are already used to the kind of clothes we wear, we avoid the company of other people because they don’t act and think the way our friends do, we stop doing a certain task because it’s not just our usual thing. What we fail to realize is that change is necessary for us to grow and to develop as a person.

The process of change is definitely not easy and a person does not undergo total change overnight. Change is a gradual process and when a person is going through a transition stage, it takes one aspect of him to change at a time. For instance, having a new job would require a person to adapt to certain changes in the kind of responsibilities he will have, people he will need to relate to, rules and policies he will have to follow and many more. When we don’t like most of these changes, we tend to develop negative attitude towards them. In the case of relating with people, there will be a tendency for us to isolate ourselves because we are unwilling to accept people when they are different from us. When there are new responsibilities that seem inappropriate for us, we become defensive and would tend to consider the job as inappropriate for us as well. And if there are policies which are so hard for us to accept, we begin to be irresponsible as to not to follow them.

It is a great struggle to leave behind our usual ways to give way for the new ones. There are times when we just want to give up by retreating to our comfort zones and to not face what we have to face. We develop fear, intimidation and a sense of worthlessness which leave us hopeless and unable to move on. Our resort is to wallow into self pity and drown ourselves to depression.

Good thing we have God on our side. Philipppian 1:6 says being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. From the time we have accepted Christ into our hearts, He has been changing us by dealing with aspects of our lives that make us weak. It is through struggles that He is refining us. The best thing about being with God is that we don’t have to carry the loads ourselves, we just have to surrender everything to God and let Him change us. We don’t have to worry about how long we can keep Him on our side because He is definitely going to stay with us until the end. What we need to do is to stop doubting and start trusting that He will be able to change us; that even though the process of change is difficult and causes us to struggle, we will be able to overcome everything in the end and come out victorious.

2010-09-19T05:18:00.000-07:00

UP UP UP DATES.

Tmr will be the start of my attachment in Kelly Services at Jurong East, located in CPF building. im really looking forward to it, and im really excited. Most people will probably feel anxious and all. but not for me. cause perhaps there are other things in my life that are driving me to really look forward to it. cause i'll get really busy. daily from 8.30am to 5.30pm working my ass off and come home tired. then i will head to bed and wake up the next day and that will be my life for the next two and a half months.

One of the thing tt is driving me to look forward to attachment is the fact that this girl above has headed to taiwan for five days, starting from ytd. weeks before she physically left me, i was on my bed, about to fall asleep. but i began to think of her, how i may feel painful to see her leave and walk into the departure area at the airport. just thinking about it, tears were flowing already. i know it sounds mad, and a lil beyond imagination. but, thats me for you.

I told several friends, including her, that i was tearin when i think about how she is gna leave me. ( i know. its just five days)

she said i can dont go send her off cause i will be sad. but i know that she would love to have me send her off, and i had the time, and i love her to wana send her off despite i know it will hurt.

(actually, i dun really know how bad it will hurt. but i knew that i always have problems with seperation. and i wanted to use this opportunity-sending her off, to know myself better. to see how i feel, and how i will react)

And so i did. her dad drove us in the morning to the airport and we had breakfast. and i was really blur she commented. that i wasnt myself at all that morning..

When we arrived at the airport, we waited for another person to come. but it was gna take twenty minutes. and i just wanted to spend some time with her alone, without her family there. without anyone else there. and i wanted to go candy empire to get something. so we separated from them. I was so glad to have her to myself cause i know an hour from then she will no longer be beside me. we headed to the basement, and we played with the coloring thing. she gave me hers and wrote a note there. and i kept it. took a picture of it wanted to put as my DP on my phone but it was too painful cause i imagine looking at it for the next five days. it will only remind me that she is away.. so i removed it as my DP though i wanted v much to put it there. but i know it will hurt.

Time was up and i gave her hug and we parted. i walked away before i cld watch her walk in, past the security to verify her plane tickets and all. i figured later that it was because i didnt wana watch her walk in. as i walk away to head to the lift, i was conscious about checking how i feel.. cause my reason for coming was also to know myself better, wana know what my reaction would be. to my surprise, i thought to myself that its nt tt bad afterall as i walked away. i didnt feel anything. she will be back in five days.

i told myself, Grace, u think and imagine too much alrd la. its not as bad as u think it is.. so i took the lift and reached the basement. the next thing i realise, i broke into tears.. we were there together at the basement playin and talkin just moments ago and now she was gone.

SHIT. the tears just came.. it just flowed uncontrollably as i headed to the train station. i was so shocked myself. im tt weak afterall... sigh.

At this moment, u may think im mad. u may think that im not straight. HAHA, no, im perfectly straight. Miracle is a dear friend of mine who grew up with me since 11. and i always have a problem w separation. i knew it.. but i didnt knw to what degree till that day at the airport.

i always tell my friends ard me that if one day they are gna go abroad to studies, please inform me asap. cause im gna ignore them and not be their friend. cause it will hurt me bad the day they leave me. they often say tt 'its not tt i wont come back what'. nope, u cant rationalise w me that way. M was only gg away five days. FIVE DAYS. i know. and i cried, how pathetic i was. i guess its not something everyone can understand? sigh.

And im really scared. im scared about the future. M is just a friend... what if i get attached? it would be even worse. the intensity of the pain of separating frm my bf. URGH. i dun wana imagine. its gna hurt bad. so bad. so bad i dun even think i wana start.

and so, tts one thing tt i thank God for attachment for. it keeps me busy, keeps my mind off the fact tt M is away. then i wont think so much and miss her. wont have so much free time to feel. yeah.

next thing i thank God for attachment for. umm. it keeps me busy. busy from thinking too much :) yeah. but its exciting cause mum wont be givin me allowance and it will be the first time i spend what i earn. nono, first time i survive on what i earn :) i feel like i will be more responsible with my money, not spend anyhow...

Its exciting cause its kinda like a new phase of my life. and i feel like im growin up like that :)

I miss you M.

Good night everyone.

2010-08-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

Say hi to Jelly Bean

she's like a dog cause she follows me ard and sends me home to my dog step before she takes her leave... and she runs to me when she sees me approaching the void deck.

Good night Earthlings.

2010-08-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

Look who is home with me today :)

Jelly Bean!

My daily routine day and night when i leave the house and come back home is to greet her. came back home from breakfast with dad and she ran to me, as usual up the staircase. but this time when i ran back home, she followed me and started purring as if she was crying to be in.. cause it was gna rain.. i felt damn bad and watched her from the window. then she eventually left. then i went online to search how to bathe a cat cause i wana bathe her before she starts messing the house up.

but i figured nvrm la. cause alot of news on how to bathe cats has a disclaimer: that the cats may scratch u when u try to bathe them so do wear a glove. i gave up the idea and just let her in. so, welcome Jelly bean :)

PS: its only for today, and maybe other days when it rains :) she is now on my mum's bed. SHH.

2010-08-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

A woman's question

by: Lena Lathrop

Do you know that you have asked for one of the costliest thing

Ever made by the Hand above?

A woman's heart, and a woman's life -

And a woman's wonderful love

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy?

Demanding what other have died to win,

With the reckless dash of a boy

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Manlike. you have questioned me.

Now stand at the bars of a woman's soul

Until i shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,

Your socks and your shirt be whole;

I require your heart be true as God's stars

And as pure as His heaven your soul

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,

I require a far greater thing;

A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts -

I look for a man and king

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,

And a man that His Maker, God,

Shall look upon as He did on the first

and say:' It is very good.'

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade

From this soft young cheek one day;

Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,

As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart and ocean so strong and true,

I may launch on my all on its tide?

A loving woman finds heaven or hell

On the day she is made a bride

I require all things that are grand and true,

All things that a man should be;

If you give this all, I would stake my life

To be all you demand of me

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook

You can hire and little to pay;

But a woman's heart and a woman's life

are not to be won that way

This poem, should remind girls out there just how precious their heart is. And they deserve to be loved by a man and not to be used by them.. i think the reason there are so many defective relationships out there is because girls out there do not know their value, that they deserves to be treated well.

ytd had ball game after giving tuition and studying with bernice. it as raining and no one was there yet so some of us hid at the shelter. and there before us, was a beautiful rainbow.

RAINBOW

and with that, i shan't comment further.

With love,

Davidee

2010-08-19T18:44:00.001-07:00

Random pictures

Love this shot. taken on my birthday this year when the peeps came to surprise me at my void deck, with my mum calling me every few minutes to ask me whether i was reaching home, and exactly where i was already.. i rmb wanting to be left alone on this 'special day'.. and enjoying my stroll home and sleep on the bus but being interrupted by different people calling me. haha, but nonetheless, i appreciate all the love and effort that made my birthday a lil more special than any other days :)

this was the awesome violin performance which i emceed with dear Nat, my dear sister who happens to be on board a cruise now and which reminds me i havent seen her two the last two weeks for lessons. those kids performing were so adorable!

i woke up this morning and took a book to read. and tts beside the point. i suddenly remembered the day i learn independence. i recall the time when i first learn to ride the bicycle. most ppl's first time learning to ride a bicycle would be on the four wheels. but i started out with two wheels. and i rmb vividly that it was an afternoon and my dad took out the wheels of the bicycle and force to learn how to cycle it.

he sat in the living room watching tv while i was at the corridor struggling with the bicycle. haha, i fell many times but he nvr came to my rescue. so i figured he isnt gonna help me. and i kept standing back on my feet aft i fell, no matter how many times i fell. perseverance. quite cool now that i think back. do i still have that tenacity within me now? i guess it still is there. its just, there is a factor that drives me to sit on my laurels. that is the fear of failure. but yea, i will chose to fight it and persevere. i knw that im a determined person. and when i set my mind on something, id get it done. but too many times, i dun get my mind set on something. tts the problem.

and talking about independence. boy do i rmb what happen three years ago at a church camp when i sprained my ankle cause i jump off the stage and landed in the wrong position. that was it. i had to depend on someone to carry me from one place to another. and that was rebec. and i actually cried cause i had t depend on someone else. i was mad i would say. but looking back, isnt this such a huge problem? nvr wanting to depend, nvr wanting to be vulnerable. what has this twelve years done to my heart..

bought a instrument Christian music, played mainly by the violin and its now on repeat on my com :)

just a few days i learn a lesson that is very close to my heart. it was ard the evening. and evening schedules for me is mon tues thurs sat, captain ball. and the rest is for church :) and so it was a monday and i was tired so i decided to take a break from ball. and so mum got me to play with jeshua.

but suddenly while playing he injured his legs and he was about to cry.. i was lik oh myy. please dont.. so i tried to think of ways to divert his attention. (brain scannin really fast and LIGHTBULB!) i told him.. oh no.. Jeshua is injured.. he needs chocolate to be healed right? and he nodded his head sheepishly. and the next thing he said was.. 'but i cannot walk..' then i was confuse for awhile. and i got his meaning. he wanted me to carry him so i diturbed him and said 'u want me to carry u isit!' then from a sad face he suddenly gave an abashed smile and nodded his head. CUTE TO THE MAX PLEASE.

and i did. i piggybacked him. he wasnt light at all. so we walked to the mama shop and i said jeshua, will u sing me a song? i specially love the song he led in yyb:

Never worry about anything

but in every situation

Let God know what you need

In prayer, request,

In giving thanks

And God's pease that goes beyond anything

You can imagine

Will guard your mind and emotions

In Christ Jesus

and so he sang and right into my ears it went.. cause his head was just to the side of my face. and it was such a sweet song. his voice was simply.. enchanting and mesmerizing that totally captured my heart i wished time could freeze that very moment..

of course there was more to that story. but lazy to type out la. but from the short period where i carried him to the shop and back, i got a glimpse into the Father's heart.

the way i feel towards jeshua, the love i have for him, the human finite love that is limited by the sins of man... how much more the infinite love of God towards me.. and the very reason why i could carry jeshua was cause he was injured. and sometimes we only go to God hen we are wounded and injured.. and thats when we share the greatest intimacy and fellowship with Him.

im now waiting for 11am to come to meet f for 'breakfast' and then study :)

and then im heading for captain ball in the evening at 6pm if there is. so join me, anyone if u think u have too much time to spare and wana exercise :)

with love,

Davidee

2010-08-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

PS: this is a really long post. longest i've ever writte. with that statement u should be able to gauge just how long. so if u dun have the time, dun start, cause theres no point browsing through. if u have too much time, this would probably keep u entertained for a good while.

So whats been going on in my life

Took a nap when i got back home from violin and woke up at seven. didnt expect the slp to take up to about two hrs. wanted to slp more but i figured i shouldnt if not i wont be able to sleep tonight and its gna affect my next day, where i plan to chiong my studies in school from early in the morning.

been awhile since i last updated. like really really updated. and so this is gona be a really long post. really really long cause in this post, i pasted a chapter from a book written by Joshua Harris. everyone should at least read that book once. though each time you read it, it would minister differently to you. and it did, to me horror last night. haha. but nope, it isnt this chapter that i have pasted.

so i oke up at seven, with miracle needing to chiong report and faith not available to catch step up three with me, i just rotted at home. wishing that my dinner would suddenly appear before me. Dad is gna end work late. mum too. but im too lazy to get myself out of the house. so i shall be having my dinner at 10pm plus. damn. back to bad eating habits and appetite.

lately, the violin has been my best friend. cause i threw a challenge to myself that whenever i emo (sounds a lil corny) i shant show it on my face. cause i was just talking to my violin teacher and she said emotional people are the best candidates to play the violin. and yes, i suit tt category. and she told me that im a straightforward person cause its written all over my face when i emo. which is a bad thing cause its not nice la. and why make the ppl ard u suffer. so i decided that when im feeling down or frustrated about things, im gna vent it out by playing the violin. and so i tried for the last two weeks. and it really helped. playing the guitar and piano doesnt help much. but my, does violin really work. and so i find myself picking up the violin more often, frequenting the reservoir more often.

reservoir is the best place to be, where u just face the waters(?), the open skies and play and where you just lose yourself in the music. the first time i as there with my violin with nicole, i felt so free and relaxed.. and to my advantage, i am more motivated to practice more :) so yay. though i may be sad or frustrated, i cld still face the world with a smile cause all that i cldnt express with words, i cld express with music and that help me to not bottle it all up and resulting in me 'emoing'. so life's alot more brighter. so here is the one chapter from the book:

"The Right Thing at the Wrong Time Is the Wrong Thing"

How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of the Gift of Singleness
By Joshua Harris

In The Book of Virtues, William J. Bennett tells a story called “The Magic Thread.” In this French tale we read of Peter, a boy who is strong and able, yet sadly flawed by an attitude of impatience. Always dissatisfied with his present condition, Peter spends his life day-dreaming about the future.

One day while wandering in the forest, Peter meets a strange old woman who gives him a most tantalizing opportunity – the chance to skip the dull, mundane moments of life. She hands Peter a silver ball from which tiny gold thread protrudes. “This is your life thread,” she explained. “Do not touch it and time pass normally. But if you wish time to pass more quickly, you have only to pull the thread a little way and an hour will pass like a second. But I warn you, once the thread has been pulled out, it cannot be pushed back in again.”

This magical thread seems the answer to all of Peter’s problems. It is just what he has always wanted. He takes the ball and runs home.

The following day in school Peter has his first opportunity to put the silver ball to use. The lesson is dragging, and the teacher scolds Peter for not concentrating. Peter fingers the silver ball and gives the thread a slight tug. Suddenly the teacher dismisses the class, and Peter is free to leave school. He is overjoyed! How easy his life will now be. From this moment, Peter begins to pull the thread a little every day.

But soon Peter begins to use the magic thread to rush through larger portions of life. Why waste time pulling the thread just a little every day when he can pull it hard and complete school altogether? He does so and finds himself out of school and apprenticed in a trade. Peter uses the same technique to rush through his engagement to his sweetheart. He cannot bear to wait months to marry her, so he uses the golden thread to hasten the arrival of his wedding day.

Peter continues this pattern throughout his life. When hard, trying times come, he escapes them with his magic thread. When the baby cries at night, when he faces financial struggles, when he wishes his own children to be launched in careers of their own, Peter pulls the magic thread and bypasses the discomfort of the moment.

But sadly, when he comes to the end of his life, Peter realizes the emptiness of such an existence. By allowing impatience and discontentment to rule him, Peter has robbed himself of life’s richest moments and memories. With only the grave to look forward to, he deeply regrets ever having used the magic thread.

In introducing this story, Mr. Bennett insightfully comments, “Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The ironic of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile.”

Does Impatience Dictate Our Dating?

I think we can gain valuable insight from Mr. Bennett’s words as we examine the attitudes that often guide dating. As we apply his words to the subject of this book, we move from the ethereal topic of love to the more concrete subject of timing. When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us. And we can only determine the appropriate time to pursue romance when we understand God’s purpose of singleness and trust His timing for relationships.

Though it isn’t true of all relationships, dating relationships are often fueled by impatience, and we can directly relate many problems with dating to wrong timing. We want what we want right now. While we don’t possess a magical gold thread to rush us through life, we can develop wrong attitudes that have a similar effect. But God wants us to appropriate the gifts of the present season of our lives. He wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives. Let’s examine three simple truths that can help correct wrong attitudes about the timing of relationships.

1. THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS THE WRONG THING.

In today’s world we don’t readily accept the concept of delayed gratification. Our culture teaches us that if something is good, we should seek to enjoy it immediately. So we microwave our food, e-mail our letters, and express mail our packages. We do our best to escape the confines of time by accelerating our schedules, speeding up our pace, and doing whatever it takes to beat the clock. You probably know exactly what I mean. How did you respond the last time you had to wait in line for something? Did you patiently wait your turn, or did you tap your toe and try to rush the experience?

Our “do it all now” mentality has tremendously affected the timing of today’s dating relationships. We see this in headlines about kids having sex at an increasingly young age. As young people rush prematurely into these activities that God has reserved for marriage, most of their elders do little to correct them. After all, what can adults say when they live by the same attitudes?

Why do we insist on living this way? In my opinion, part of the reason we’ve adopted the immediate gratification mentality is because we’ve lost sight of the biblical principle of seasons (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Just as spring’s role is different from that of fall, so each of the seasons of our lives has a different emphasis, focus, and beauty. One is not better than another; each season yields its own unique treasures. We cannot skip ahead to experience the riches of another life season any more than a farmer can rush the spring. Each season builds on the one before it.

God has many wonderful experiences He wants to give to us, but He also assigns these experiences to particular seasons of our lives. We often make the mistake, however, of taking a good thing out of its appropriate season to enjoy it when we want it. Premarital sex is a prime example of this. Sex in itself is a wonderful experience (from what my married friends tell me), but if we indulge in it outside of God’s plan, we sin (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God’s timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives.

Just because something is good doesn’t mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

2. YOU DON’T NEED TO SHOP FOR WHAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD.

The timing of many dating relationships is equivalent to going shopping for an outfit when you don’t have money; even if you find the “perfect fit,” what can you do about it?

This is an example of how the Little Relationship Principle we talked about in chapter 2 can help us with issues of timing. Do you remember the principle? The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. How does this help us determine whether our dating is premature shopping for something we can’t afford? Think of restating the principle this way: “Intimacy costs commitment. If I’m not in a position to pay in the cold, hard cash of commitment, I have no business going shopping for my future mate.”

Before two people are ready for the responsibility of commitment, they should content themselves with friendship and wait on deep emotional intimacy. Exercising this patience will not handicap them relationally. In friendship, they can practice the skills of relating, caring, and sharing their lives with other people. In friendship, they can observe other people’s characters and begin to see what they’ll one day want in their mates. While it’s true we can learn worthwhile lessons from dating relationships, we need to make sure those relationships don’t bog us down. Wasting too much time trying each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend can actually distract two people from the more important task of preparing to be good spouses.

God has a perfect plan for your life. More than likely, that plan includes marriage, and if so, somewhere in this world God has the perfect person for you. You may or may not know this person right now. If you spend all your time and energy trying to hint this person down or (if you’ve already found this person) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice. We’ll talk later in the book about how we can be making the most of the season of waiting. For now what’s most important to realize is that the guy or girl you will one day marry doesn’t need a girlfriend or boyfriend (even though he or she may want one right now). What that person really needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage to be a godly wife or husband.

Let’s do our future spouses a favor and stop shopping around prematurely.

3. ANY SEASON OF SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

Most of us won’t remain single for our entire lives, and I think that we should view our singleness as a special season of our lives, a gift from God. God gives an outline for the proper attitude toward singleness in 1 Corinthians 7:32. The Message translation reads:

I want you to live as free of complication as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming… holy instruments of God. 1

Paul doesn’t say this to put marriage down. He says it to encourage us to view singleness as a gift. God doesn’t use our singleness to punish us. He has created this season as an unparalleled opportunity for undistracted devotion to God. And as a time for growth and service that we shouldn’t take for granted or allow to slip by.

One person rightly stated, “Don’t do something about your singlehood – do something with it!” Stop for just a minute and evaluate whether you’re using God’s gift of singleness as He desires. Ask yourself these questions:

Am I concentrating on “simply pleasing the Master”?

Am I using this season of my life to become a “holy” instrument for God?

Or am I scrambling to find a romantic relationship with someone by dating?

Am I failing to believe that God is sovereign over this part of my life and can provide for me?

Could I possibly be throwing away the gift of singleness?

Am I cluttering my life with needless complications and worries of dating?

While we’re single, dating not only keeps us from preparing for marriage, but can also quite possibly rob us of the gift of singleness. Dating can tie us down in a series of pseudo relationship, but God wants us to maximize our freedom and flexibility to serve Him. Any season of singleness, whether you’re sixteen or fifty-six, is a gift. You just might do God a disservice by wasting its potential on a lifestyle of short-term dating.

Do You Really Trust Him?

Though simply stated, these three truths can bring about radical lifestyle changes when we apply them to our lives. To do so requires us to wait. That’s right – God just asks us to wait. You might not find that idea bold and daring or very impressive, but it is obedient, and our obedience catches God’s attention (2 Chronicles 16:9).

Waiting for God’s timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us – both now and in the future.

I’ll freely admit it – I often have difficulty trusting God. When it comes to my love life, I have a nagging fear that He wants to keep me single forever. Or I fear that if He lets me marry, He’ll match me up with some girl to whom I won’t feel attracted.

I know these worries are silly. In my better moments I admit I haven’t based these fears on the reality of the loving, caring Father in heaven that I’ve come to know. But even though I know He’s a good God, I often allow my lack of faith to affect the way I approach dating.

I fear that God might forget me. Instead of trusting in His perfect timing, I often try to take things into my own hands. I grab my life’s calendar from God and frantically begin to pencil in my own plans and agendas. “God, I know You’re omnipotent and all that,” I say, “but I really think You missed the fact that this girl over here is my destiny. If I don’t go after her now, my future will pass me by!” Eventually I sheepishly hand back the scheduling of my time, energy, and attention, saying, “Of course I trust You, Lord, but I just think You could use a little help.”

Dating and Marshmallows

An article in Time magazine left this indelible image in my mind: a little child sitting alone in a room, staring at a marshmallow. This strange picture captures the feelings I sometimes have in my struggle to trust God to take care of my future marital status.

The article’s subject was unrelated to dating – and marshmallows, too, for that matter. It was about research done with children. The first few paragraphs went this way:

It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children, one by one, into a plain room and begins the gentle torment. “You can have this marshmallow right now,” he says. “But if you wait while I run an errand, you can have two marshmallows when I get back.” And then he leaves.

Some children grab the treat the minute he’s out the door. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. They covers their eyes; They put their heads down; they sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns, he gives these children their hard-earned marshmallows. And then, science waits for them to grow up.

By the time the children reach high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children’s parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds had the fortitude to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. They buckled under stress and shied away from challenges.

Of course, the moral of the story is that developing the character necessary to delay gratification in small areas can translate into great success in other areas. But the four-year-olds in the study didn’t know that. They didn’t resist marshmallow in hopes of getting better grades in high school. They overcame their urge to eat the marshmallow because they had faith – they could envision the moment when the nice man in the white coat would come back with two marshmallows. They preserved because they trusted.

This story really encourages me. Sometimes as I wait on God’s timing for romance, I go through the same internal struggle those kids much have endured. Like a marshmallow beckoning the child to eat its sweet fluffiness, dating is calling my name. And let me tell you, it looks good.

Why don’t I snatch it up? Why shouldn’t you? Because God has promised something better. He provides something better now as we take advantage of the unique opportunities of singleness, and He’ll provide something better later when we enter into marriage. But we must have faith to believe it. Like those little children, we’re left alone with something that we think could satisfy us immediately. And we can’t see the reward of delaying our gratification.

It gets down to this question: Do you trust God? Don’t just give a knee-jerk, Sunday school answer. Do you really trust Him? Do you live your life as if you trust Him? Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it’s the wrong time, God will bring you something better when it is the right time?

Jim and Elisabeth Elliot faced this difficult question in their passionate relationship. They loved each other deeply, yet they placed God’s will before their own desires. In Passion and Purity, Mrs. Elliot writes:

We were being asked to leave the planning to God. God’s ultimate plan was as far beyond our imaginings as the oak tree is from the acorns imaginings. The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him. We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, “… If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.”

When will we find it? We ask. The answer is, Trust Me.

How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.

Why must I let myself be lost? We persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.

God Knew Best

Many people realize too late that we don’t arrive at contentment as a destination as much as we develop contentment as a state of mind. Paul tells us in 1 Tim 6:6 that “godliness with contentment is great gain.” And in Philippians 4:11 he writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” What is Paul’s secret?

Paul shares it with us: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Paul trusted God to give him strength to endure any situation he faced. In the same way, we can gain contentment when we trust in God’s strength and grace to sustain us through any circumstance. Whether you’re single or married, whether you’re liked, loved, or lonely, the key to contentment is trust. Believe it or not, if we are discontented with singleness, we’ll more than likely face discontentment when we’re married. When we define our happiness by some point in the future, it will never arrive. We’ll keep waiting until tomorrow. If we allow impatience to govern us, we will miss the gift of the moment. We’ll arrive at that point in time we expected to provide fulfillment and find it lacking.

One lady wrote to me, frustrated that people often view a single woman as just marking time until the right man comes along. “Poor single woman!” she continued. “The world wants her to fornicate, and the church wants her to marry! Whatever happened to what Paul said about the blessings of being single? William Booth, the founder of Salvation Army, wrote, ‘Don’t instill, or allow anybody else to instill into the hearts of your girls the idea that marriage is the chief end of life. If you do, don’t be surprised if they get engaged to the first empty, useless fool they come across.’ Women (and men) should marry when it is plainly the will of God for their lives, not because they ‘can’t minister’ otherwise, or because of social pressure.” I can only add a hearty “Amen!” to her comments.

Author John Fischer, speaking as a single, young adult said:

God has called me to live now, not four years from now. He wants me to realize my full potential as a man right now, to be thankful for that; and to enjoy it to the fullest. I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again. He will ask himself, “Why didn’t I use that time, when I didn’t have so many other obligations, to serve the Lord? Why didn’t I give myself totally to Him then?”

Instead of rushing foolishly into a marriage because of impatience or one day looking back at our season of singleness with regret, let’s commit to using our singleness to its fullest potential. Singleness is a gift. Let’s rejoice in it and enjoy its opportunities today. Let’s practice trusting God by pursuing His kingdom and His righteousness with all our hearts and by leaving the planning to Him.

In this life we will not understand all He does. But we know that in the end His perfect timing will be revealed. In a poem titled “Sometime,” May Riley Smith beautifully expresses the perspective of heaven we will one day possess:

Sometime, when all life’s lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments here have spurned,
The things o’er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life’s dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God’s plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content poor heart;
God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold; we must not tear the close-shut leaves apart, -
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we will say, “God knew the best!”

Do you believe that God knows best? The place your life’s calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” God says, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Let’s live our today for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.

We couldn’t lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust.

Awesome much. does this speak to you? i always tell the people around me, that this journey of life with Christ, id sum it up with the word 'faith'. how true do i think these words that are pen down by Joshua Harris are? i do not know. by faith. im taking a gamble with faith. and thats all i need. really. and how do i knw? faith again. i have faith that one day when i look back, id thank my faith for bringing me where i am.

i especially hate this sentence 'going off course to get on course'. where God doesnt just show us things plainly, get us there straight. but He had to get us off course. i hate this sentence cause boy, do i know the reality of this statement.

In the month of august, we celebrated my mum's and brother's birthday. i love this picture alot. and probably one that i will treasure till the day i die because this is the closest to a family portrait i have ever taken- of course, without my dad. and probably nvr would have unless someone does a photoshop for me. haha. which will be really weird anyway. its sad. i cant imagine having my dad in this picture. no memory bank to draw any memories from. of course, one of my dream is to be able to take a family portrait. Many a times, when we have it, we dunno how to treasure it. and only when its gone do we appreciate the value of it.

this picture, tells a story of a broken home. you see that girl in pink? her life, she is living with the consequences of the sin of the parents.
consequences that has caused her to see the world as hostile and dangerous, that has caused her to make vows that is detrimental to her wellbeing just because she grew up in a broken home and has caused her to come to a conclusion to nvr trust her heart with another man cause one day, they will leave you. so before they leave you, dun give them a chance to enter.

Lucky for me, i've got God. and im aware of this problem that i have. but it'll take a big fight to get out of this trap- the castle that the wicked witch has trapped me in for the past twelve yrs.

like any other girl, i yearn to be married and have my own kids. but the fear is gripping and so real... but one day when i do get married, i wont wana repeat the lives of my parents. and for that, i will put up a good fight with my all. kudos to the future and many more!

this is my eldest brother whom i loved dearly. when we took this picture, i told him cheekily. kor, we take a picture tgt then we put as our fb profile pic ok? then u say is ur gf :) hahahaha.

when my dad left the family, i looked to him to love me. he was closer to me when my parents just divorced.. he'd protect me and play with me.. or so i thot.. but he left my life too. and i hardly get to see him.. and that was strike two. another man that i loved walking out of my life.

things wasnt really good with my second brother. we fought alot. physically. haha. i guess he loves me la. but i always felt like a burden to him. i tried to please him in whatever ways i know how.. i tried to make him love me. and all my life, i can only rmb that once where he held my hand and we crossed the road. that was the one and only time. but though it was the one and only time, i treasured it much and will always rmb that special day. when my eldest brother left, i turned to him.
but we fought non stop. he had his life to live. every night he would leave the house to meet his friends and id be left alone at home, fearful in the dark, forcing myself to fall aslp.. i always asked myself, why doesnt he love me? i'll always rmb that fateful night where i begged him to stay home with me. but he still left. and that was one night that id nvr forget. an event that happened that left me hiding in the kitchen toilet crying and feeling so alone.
things are better now that we are all grown up. but it depends on his mood largely. he is sometimes rlly nice to me, and sometimes so cold like a stranger. i always felt like i was the only child growing up.

these are my cousins and uncles

mum and i.
Im pretty much the exact replica of her. just that i always tell her im prettier than her cause i have got dimples. HAHAHA. okay, that being said, i know that im still my mum's pride :) i wana be able to one day provide for her and buy her anything that she wants. for all the hard work she put in to raise us up.

thanks for reading all the way till here. this is the longest post i have ever written and u probably just spend at least a good twenty minutes here? if u really read that one chapter and think about it.

With love,Davidee.

God of this City - Chris Tomlin

2010-08-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

i've got eczema on my elbow and it sucks. plaster my wound ytd in class but suddenly it started to itch and i went to scratch it and to my horror - eczema. when i mean horror, i really mean horror. it gets me feeling frustrated and angry and wanting to cry. it makes me just wana skin myself. HAHA, okay. just that this time round is not as bad la. its pretty mild compared to what i had last tym. and i thot i have fully recovered from it cause it haven visited me since lower secondary? which means its been about 5,6 years alrd.

it sucks to grow up suffering from eczema. the emotions that i experience.. the anger and the 'no one understands who i feel' kinda feeling. it sucks to the core. and to make matters worse, eczema has this link to bitterness or what not. when u have eczema, u are probably a bitter person and u need to deal with urself. repent yadayada. and u knw, for a person suffering from eczema, yea, it may be the truth, but it doesnt help tt such things are said cause it only rub salt into the wound.

okay tt being said, i knw that i need to have self control and change my thoughts. i was gna have my 'irritable and angry' thing starting when my best friend, a.k.a the Holy Spirit started to talk to me in a small voice and started to renew my mind. i was angry. and angry with God why He let me have eczema. is He trying to punish me or what? trying to get my attention?

but isnt it so shallow? that i praise Him in the good times as if He is all i love and adore and during the bad times i wallow in self pity and get angry with Him like He owes me something. then i rmbed reading in the book 'travelling light' that talks about how some ppl treat their God as a genie-in-a-bottle tt gives them whatever they wish for and aft that have the genie return to the bottle. nah, God aint my genie in a bottle.. He is still my sovereign Lord and will always be. so i repented that i was angry. how could i be so superficial. If Christ really reign in my heart, how could i be so flippant in my attitude towards Him?

And i thought about how im so blessed to have hands to begin with.. some ppl nvr had the chance to have eczema on their elbows- they do not have hands. maybe for them, if they were right beside me, they would smack and wana trade their life for mine. they'd rather have hands and bear the eczema than to nvr have eczema and no hands. ouch. wake up Grace. there is always someone out there worst than you. and i read a book last night- 'God of this city'.

It is a song written by someone tgt with Chris Tomlin (i think). and that song was birth as they were on mission trips and were devastated by the sights they see. how children were exploited for sex, the poverty and all, and this song was birthed.. and they wrote a bk on how this song was birthed. and so i thot about the children there. the eczema that im experiencing, is nth compared to what these children are experiencing. they barely have enough food to eat, a proper home to live in. and i have all of that.

and for all of this, i can only conclude, tt i am so blessed. start counting your blessings and stop wallowing in self pity. cause the world does not need an additional miserable person. it is alrd filled with many such ppl.

and lastly, id say that praising and worshippin God is not based on how i feel, whether im angry or not, whether i feel that im blessed by Him today and things are going good for me. it is based on how He is. and He is never changing, ever constant.

2010-08-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

but isnt it so shallow? that i praise Him in the good times as if He is all i love and adore and during the bad times i wallow in self pity and get angry with Him like He owes me something. then i rmbed reading in the book 'travelling light' that talks about how some ppl treat their God as a genie-in-a-bottle tt gives them whatever they wish for and aft that have the genie return to the bottle. nah, God aint my genie in a bottle.. He is still sovereign Lord and will always be. so i repented that i as angry. how could i be so superficial. If Christ really reign in my heart, how could i be so flippant in my attitude towards Him?

It is a song written by someone tgt with Chris Tomlin (i think). and that song was birth as they were on mission trips and were devastated by the sights they see. how children are exploited for sex, the poverty and all, and this song was birthed.. and they wrote a bk on ho this song was birthed. and so i thot about the children there. the eczema that im experiencing, is nth compared to what these children are experiencing. they barely have enough food to eat, a proper home to live in. and i have all of that.

2010-07-13T05:45:00.001-07:00

I AM TURNING NINETEEN?! *GURPS*

2010-07-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

shall take a breather and go to a movie alone tonight. woke up crying from a dream this morning. and wake up to continue to cry as i see a friend hurting.

2010-07-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

I did a crazy thing today.

2010-07-05T03:34:00.001-07:00

Oh baby you know you've captured me with the sweetest smile I've ever known that could not be erased from my mind.

2010-05-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

LOVE.

A topic that i believe is not unfamiliar to everyone of us. It is something we live for, we long for, and we spend all our lives searching for. yet, it is also this something that leaves us feeling empty, unsatisfied and broken.

For a moment, we thought we met the perfect one, the one who made our hearts beat faster, whom we were willing to trade anything for, whom we thought we could spend the rest of lives with forever into eternity.

i was gona leave my house to revise and do some work. But I went to check out some one's blog. aha. im a K-PO if by now u dunno. reading a friend's blog doesnt make u K-PO. maybe you are just concern and interested in the person's life, how he or she is doing. but if checking out someone's blog almost daily, a someone whom u have never met before, who is not affiliated to you in anyway, whom u have nvr seen before in ur entire life. and is not even ur friend's friend, or friend's friend's friend. now, tt pretty much makes u a K-PO. and yes, im a K-PO. and if u are not affiliated to me in anyway, or doesnt know me, or whatsoever and u check my blog rather-often, that pretty much makes u a K-po too. but dun be offended. cause im one myself :D hahahha.

ok, so... this blogger, a rather famous one, is in a relationship. well, tts normal isnt it? yes. but she is in a long distant relationship. that makes it tough. however, what baffles it is that they seemed so sweet. he visits her often. really often. and she often go on trips with him, on holidays, have alot of fun. ad he does alot of sweet nothings for her. it seems so ideal, so perfect... for a moment i wished i cld be her. i nvr believe that love can last forever. as in the feelings. the lovey dovey feeling. max, give it six mths. things will start to change. the guy will no longer be that sensitive, that sweet, that attentive to you. all this aint assumption or my opinion. its been researched on. there is this thing called love molecules. my mentor read from a bk tt this love molecules last only but six mths. there are also other sources that quotes a different timeline. i recently read a book tt says it will last for two years.

But you get the drift. two years or six mths, love molecules does not last. it will come to a halt.

Being in disciple class help open up my eyes to the reality to the world, to man and woman. it woke me up from my dreamland, from a fairytale of 'and they lived happily ever after'. cause if i continue to live in that fantasy, i will only have my heart broken time and again when i realize that reality is so different from this fantasy i believed in while growing up...

If u have been in relationships, u will realize that this sentence 'i have lost the feelings for you'. yes. tts the love molecules coming to an end. So if love molecules will come to an end, that doesnt t means all relationships will come to an end one fine day? true and not true.

I thank God I knw Him.. cause in Christ i learn agape love. there are different kind of love. a feeling love, a friendship love and an agape love. (there are more types of course. try googling it) this love is a love that is not based on feelings. and tts what christ did for me. he hung up on the cross and died on the cross for me not because He feels like it. its a no brainer thing isnt it? it hurts to be up there, to have ur flesh torn and blood flowin out from ur body and left to hung there to die.. and because Christ has shown that agape love, we as His disciples cld imitate His love. that when we say 'i love you' to this someone, we mean it. commitment. all the way. even if the girl should turn histerical and unreasonable. even when she no longer has the hour glass figure, that beautiful face..

im disgusted at the thot that nowadays ppl cld be more than friends but less than lovers. They hold hands, hug and kiss. but they say they are just friends. then tell me what are lovers. hmm. (ok, i knw disgusted is too strong a word. and i knw tt i shouldnt b judgemental here cause i know that i would have been like this too if not for right guidance)

As for myself, my view of love is very distorted. i grow up in a family where trust is betrayed. Love doesnt exist for me. i never believe that a man will love me. n lay down his life for me. I have a huge phobia of relationship. that is one major factor why i have never dated. in short, i cant trust. how can u tell me to trust when the very ppl i loved and trusted broke them? i see with my very own eyes how love is fickle. marriage can be broken.. and to save myself, i shut my heart to anyone. i refuse anyone to enter my heart, to be given a chance to hurt me. and i knw too that by being like this i have hurt many ppl too.

i read in a book tt two of man's ( applying to both man and woman) greatest fear is the fear of not being able to love and the fear of not being loved. and sadly, i have both of these fears. ha. and i strongly believe tt i would not marry for the rest of my life if i had not met my mentor. haha, she is the one who helped me all these yrs to learn to love and learn to receive love..

now u may ask me 'have i ever fallen in love?' yes. But the fear is huge enuf for me to forgo the feelings. i knw feelings wont last forever. man and woman are made differently. when a woman enters a relationship, its her whole life. when a man enters a relationship, it is only part of his life. he has other things that are important to him. career, achievement, golf, soccer etc. tt is why many woman are left broken. cause they knw they are not the man's first. maybe they will be for the first six mths. but soon they will realize things are just different.

is there any hope? yes.

Christ is the answer to everything. If i ever enter a relationship, its not because i trust that guy will be faithful. but because i trust that Christ is the One that will hold this relationship tgt.

I know that im gna be a tough girl to deal with cause of all my background.. i will have alot of trust issue but if the guy continues to hold on and commit, he's my hero. i will be eternally grateful to him :D

2010-05-13T02:00:00.000-07:00

Today i broke another of my string :)

I broke one string the very first day i owned the violin.

Then my violin bag spoil and i got a new one.

Then the CD and DVD spoiled too cause there were too many scratches.

YAY. even my teacher is amazed at my ability to spoil the strings cause apparently the G string is the most unlikely to break cause it is the thickest. but yes, both tyms i broke tt string :)

im gona be having a violin performance in July on a sat. and Nat and I are gona be the emcees for the event. tickets gg at 8bucks. one for one ( buy one get one free. tts the weirdest thing i ever heard with regards to the selling of tickets. HAHA. so yes, tell me if u are gna come :D )

pretty much looking forward to it. change a new set of strings to day and these strings are so much more milder and nicer to play.

school has been pretty fine. life is good. im great.

2010-04-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

this is an awesome show :) cried so much.

it talks about a mother's love. you should all catch it. and maybe we will all start to appreciate our moms alil bit more.

This period God has been speaking to me about my mum. and then he brought me to watch this show w my mum. HAHA, its just too coincidental to be true. but anyway, there is no such word as coincidence in God. all things are planned nicely by Him.

I think mothers are the most noble of them all. Just like what i said on my FB status.

they are the ones that knws you thru and thru, though sometimes one may argue that there is generation gap. but who can deny tt their hearts are the most for you. even if u should become a criminal and murder someone, mothers are the one that will still embrace you. no matter what u have done, no matter how bad u have hurt them.

I went to bed with tears in my eyes as i think about all the things my mum went thru for me. all the heartaches i have given her and all the tears i have made her cry. all the misunderstandings i have had with her.

growin up, i have went thru the phase where my mum and i were like total strangers. i was a different person the moment i step foot into the house. i became an angry kid. there was no conversation between us. i just lock myself in the room and do whatever i want to do. many a times i contemplated death, wanting to jump off the building, or cut myself, or run away from home thinking that by doing so i can escape the cruelty of my life. but i thank God i nvr had the courage. the thot of hell scares me. wakes me up from my suicidal thots. haha. cause i learn that committing suicide is a sin so even if i should be a chrisitian, i will still go to hell. i imagine how it ll be like to have my spirit walk out of my body when i die and go to hell, and to be able to see all my friends and relatives but we are no longer in the same realm. ouch.

always felt like a burden. if my mum did nt have me she would not have to work so hard. i always struggle with a question in my heart whether my mum loves me. and sadly, i concluded that she did not. how ignorant and silly i was. in my selfishness i hurt her.

finally today at the age of nineteen, i am more able to stand in her shoes and think from her point of view. how ignorant i was when i was in my teens. i read in a book that this lady felt tt she was a disappointment to her mum. when she spoke to her mum, she realized that that was how her mum felt towards her too! somehow in tt instance, my eyes were enlightened and i began to realized that my mum felt that she was a failure all these yrs. me in my not wanting to talk to her and shuttin my self in the room made her feel like she was a failure and a disappointment.

and as i began to have a glimpse into her heart, my heart began to get heavier. i see how i have hurt her, and how she had still loved me and patiently waited for me to grow up. my mum is the only person in the world who has taken the most rubbish from me without uttering a single word of defense. she just took it all. lookin back, id nvr want a daughter like myself... and lookin to the future, i want her to be the most blessed mother in the world.

I had wish to have a different set of parents. a different life. be a different me.

But right now, i knw tt i cant find a better mum. she gave her all.

I knw that i can only see my own ugliness as i grow older, as i eventually becum a mum myself. but i knw that i will learn to appreciate this noble woman in my life more. and she is one reason that makes me wana be successful so she can live a good life. so that i can repay her for helping me be who i am today. i may have died by now if not for her perseverance to face life boldly when all hopes are gone. when all dreams are shattered. it was all God's grace.

So, watch this movie. with ur mum if u cld. and u will see how though our mothers may nvr always express how they feel, their love for us, their actions shows it all. but sometimes in our own ignorance and stubborness we have failed to see it. but mothers are the ones that continuously condone with us.

2010-04-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

i wrote a song last month that goes like this.

My heart is prone to wander

To the things that really doesnt matter

I cry out 'Lord, please come and save me,

Save me from thi deadly disease.'

What if Jesus returns tomorrow?

How would it be to stand before His throne?

To see my past playing before my eyes

Would i kneel down and cry in regret?

Chorus: Jesus, Help me to know You are real

Teach me to see Your hands working thru my life

For i know you have plans to prosper me

For I know my life is in your hands

Bridge: Help me nvr to doubt a love that's so deep

Open up my eyes that i may see

until today this song has still been my cry.. i can nvr fully knw God and comprehend His ways.

Many times i doubted His existence when things get tough.. I wonder why He doesnt just appear to man so everyone will know that He is real and no one will have to doubt.. But His ways are higher. His word said that those who has not seen but believe, greater are they!

recently i read a book about hell. Sounds abit weird right. haha. its goot to read it cause it scares the shit outta me. i used to think that i can just sin all i want and just before i die, repent and i will be able to go to heaven. cause there is still many yrs before Jesus returns. But the issue here is not when Jesus returns. is when i die. when, how, where will i die. no one knows. what makes me thin i have time to repent before i die. ha. what if i died in a car accident in a split second with no chance to even whisper the words 'Lord, forgive me'?

The bible says that death cause even the proudest man to humble.

its true.

hell is eternal suffering. i dun wana be there. and i dun want the ppl i love to be there.

2010-04-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

KELLY SERVICE ORIENTATION.

Heading to school for kelly svc orientation later from 1 to 6. like what are we gonna do in a lecture hall for five hours in formal. dangs. CL said that we are just gona be listening to the history of kelly svc and how they work. HAHA. like WHAT?! for five freakin hours.. im gona bring my mp3 and journal and whatever to pass time :D

Headed to school ytd. kelly svc was suppose to call me during my hols to go down for an interview. all my friends should have been called down. except me. i found out that it was because my student info was not updated. i changed my hp number larh.. so i called them and Breadon got me down for an interview.

interview sounds like some 'big' thing right. as if there is gna be selection or what. no la. bullshit one. its a must that every single student in my course must be attached there so interview is for show nia. and the teacher is like so serious =.=

am gna spend 44 hrs, once a week, four hrs each time in school at kelly. so 'awesome'.

anyway aft school i headed to lavendar to make my passport w mum. Oh, before that i went to sembawang first to retrieve my cards and keys. let me repeat myself. Just 2 cards and 2 keys. oh, and pathetically, a hair pin... i misplaced my wallet last last thurs and they informed me thru email to head down to sembawang mrt office to retrieve it. so i did. I thought i was gna get back my WALLET. no. just 2 cards. and 2 keys. and a pin. yay?!

its so pathetic. i do not need the cards cause i remade them. and spend 18 bucks to remake the ez link and 5 bucks to remake the posb card. HA. smart person who found it. i rather this person dun return it to me cause its useless to me. and my branded wallet given by my aunt is gone.. woohoo! ok la, doesnt hurt. just irri that i had to spend money to remake the cards! damn.

but im still glad i ended up in sembawang to retrieve the lost items cause i get to buy new stuff! ahaha. so happy with my new items bought :D

♥

im havin a sore throat and cough and im losing my voice. i have got a really sore voice now. AHA.

headed to beauty world for dinner last night. it was rainin lions and tigers. i would love to just 'nua' at home and hide in the comfort of my blanket. and the medicine was makin me drowsy. but i went anyway. must stick to what i say!

ohoh, did i mention i went w M for her keyboard lesson on monday? after which i headed to her house and we played tgt. HAHA. i played my violin and she played her piano. and her dad commented that we sound like two lil children playing. HAHA.

every morning i wake up hopin that the timetable is already out. but it still isnt.

ciao.

2010-04-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

School is starting in two weeks.

Heading to amk now to make my EZ link and posb cards cause i lost my wallet last thursday. which happens to be april fool's day. which happens to be a whole day of joke.

i.need.to.practice.my.violin.
i.need.to.do.my.verses.
i.need.to.meetup.with.some.friends.

Sent mum off to airport in the morning. am going to bring FnJ to do their nails while i just sit and stone. and maybe remove my nail polish cause my violin teacher said that nail polish makes my nails heavier and thus affects the way i play the violin. cool logic. cracked me up when i heard tt.

2010-01-04T04:29:00.001-08:00

So long, History.

2009-12-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

Away with my lover.

2009-12-23T07:16:00.000-08:00

A little too close for comfort, a little getting too used to it.

Friday is Christmas celebration! looking forward to it cause i have already plan what to wear. SAME AS WHAT I WORE FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR. doesn't sound exciting at all eh.

Too bad shaunny wont be around cause he will be in Japan :(

A few more days to the end of the year... a few more days left for December. THE AXE WILL FLOAT, THE AXE WILL FLOAT, ELIJAH SAID THE AXE WILL FLOAT! it dawned on me that David trusted God and interceded and prayed that God will have mercy on his child. but when no miracle happened and the baby died, he got up and ceased his mourning cause he did all that he could. he gave his best. This is what is gonna happen for me. HMMMM. i will give my best and launch in to the new year with no regrets. man, ain't i glad that Chinese new year falls on January :D can collect moolahs beginning of the year. how nice.

2009-12-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

Life gets more complicated as we grow older...

seriously, ain't that the case? there are more things to worry about, more problems, more fears... the innocence of young is gone. things get complicated... when i was young, i dont bother about the way i look, the way i dress. i dun bother about whether i have a single cent to live on tmr... i may face some bgr problems but at least it ain't superficial... as the years are added on to my age, my view of the world became clearer and broader that after all life ain't no fairytale... a world that is getting darker, that virginity is no longer something to be treasured- A gift from God abused.

its hard to understand how God works. oh i can nvr understand cause my mind is so finite - the way i think and see things... i can nvr fully comprehend this big God at work in my life...

went swimming with 3 Ms this morning~ had a crazy good time and saw their cacat moments (whats new right)

2009-12-15T22:37:00.000-08:00

P.S: Strictly no animals at home next time.

im sorry. but im not in for the idea of cleaning up after them. hahahahaha.

A brand new year is approaching. egggciiittting! :D i think time really pass fast this year. man, its raining now and i feel like playing in the rain. but some ppl arent replying my msg :(

oh well, next year is an exciting year!

meeting shaunyy for crabs tmr. yummyy. and E still owes me a birthday treat since JULY! HELLO?!

holidays for two weeks. and i duno what to do with it other than just read and read and read. speaking of which, had dinner w J and D the past two nights and am feeling happy!

anyway, i just made a new pair of spectacles cause both my eye sight increased by 100 degrees. i know. gross right. i nvr knew this day would come when i refused to wear my spectacles and lens :( am gna be a good girl now and wear it daily. like DAILY. hahaha. like u knw what i mean. if i wear my specs daily from today onwards, i wont be able to survive without specs forever. i mean if i dun wear specs, my eyes can still survive and not be used to the specs. if u get what i mean.. bt im just spoilin my eyes. dangs.

2009-12-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

A kiss speaks a thousand words. It tells the girl alot about the man. But to a man, its just a kiss.

so many things to say, so little privacy to express here.

2009-11-19T18:11:00.000-08:00

when the rubber meets the road.

i'd never be ready or prepare enough to be prepared.

I think.

2009-11-07T03:57:00.000-08:00

The longest ride ever.

Class was awesome today. Had Breakie with 3Musks this morning at macs and we did our verses! YAY! :D was awesome cause today we had no agenda for class. it was a day of repentance, a day of returning back to our First Love, Jesus.

The heart is so prone to wander isn't it?

Today is the day that i could truly move on...

Initially i wanted Jesus in my life cause He is a God of miracles. I come to Him cause He can bless me with great results, great career, successful life. wonderful marriage, outstanding children etc. I embrace Jesus and declare that i love Him because He could give me what I want. The things i desire so much. how often did i say that Lord I love you with all my heart soul mind and strength. yet the unspoken was that, Lord I love what you can give to me with all my heart soul mind and strength. My love for Him was conditional. If you give me this, i will love you. if you give me that, i will be failthful to You.

But yet this isnt the relationship Christ died to have with me... He didnt die for me on the cross so that i will have a conditional relationship with Him based on what He can give me. I never really understood the fact that i was only after the gifts and blessings. I thought i was a heroine. ' O God, i will love you even if you take everything away' was the 'cry of my heart'. 'o lord, you are all that I live for everyday'. What lies i sing daily... I said I love You Lord and only You when there so many other gods inmy heart. The devil knows he cant get us to deny Jesus and bow down to him so he made us have other gods ALONG with Christ.

So the truth is this. it arent simply ' Lord i love you ' . It is ' Lord, i love you, along with my bf, my psp, shopping, eating, sleeping etc'. now, who can say i dun love God?! Of course i love God! its just tha tt i love many other things along with loving God.

I never knew i bore a grudge against Him for so long. I knew my heart has hardened and wasnt soft to His voice anymore. I tried. Itried to get back, get some feeling back into my heart and squeeze some tears out. and after that, i feel so tired i wana sleep. While people around me are so excited and on fire to be ask God to use them, i dont have that passion at all. i was bewildered. i didnt understand.

At the youth conference last night, the pastor asked if we would lay down our life for Jesus to use us. if we would, run to the altar. I knew and i knew that every cell within me didnt meant it when i stood by the altar. it was just because i wanted prayer and well, to not be stared at by people that i didnt respond. Lay down my life? it arent just four simple words to me. it pays a price. and i have gain alittle more insight and wisdom through the years to know that it arent simply four beautiful words that sound pleasant to the ears. One commitment, a life time of burning and dying to my own desires and wishes and way of life.

In my heart i didnt wana come near God. Cause coming near Him spelled pain. I was angry and bitter because when i came near, i lost many things. Ps. im not trying to scare anyone ok. God is a great God. and He loves me. It just that He loves me and trains me so i can be a mighty warrior that can be used by Him. Its just that the training is so tough...

this season, the dormant voice and thought in me is that i think im so damn sway compared to my friends. but the Lord calmed the storm in me today... I saw the holy spirit upon me, beside me and withim me. He told me that I am not alone and HE is with me and that the tougher the situation, the more the amount of grace is upon my life. That is why my name is called grace. That God's grace upon me will be so evident to everyone around me. and i know this is so true.

HAVE YOU MISSED IT ALL?
What does a man gain to profit the whole world but loses his soul?

Has chasing the blessings that God can give me or holding on to them so tightly caused me to lose my sights and missed it all? its all about Him...

I let go...
Cause dear Lord, it is all about you. Come and be my constant guide and comfort, all the days of my life. and help me to never miss it all and be clouded in my thoughts and sights... cause me to know the Father heart of God and draw me ever closer to you.
Amen

2009-10-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

When Time Just Ain't Enough.

Heh. playing with the web cam while waiting to go to school. Actually I AM suppose to be on my way to school school cause i need to do research for HR PBL and FOI Tutorial and prepare for presentation and yada yada yada. I have got so many assignments waiting for me! well at least i am so much better now :D at least I do what i intend to! hahahahhaha!

Ok so this way has been a pretty good one. been a diligent girl, waking up at five and not going back to sleep. AWESOME. i used to go back after QT but now i shall just stay awake, complete my hw and all before i head to school. I used to think i need to go back to slp after QT cause I have not enough sleep! but funny thing is i always feel extermely tired throughout the day. So now as i chose not to go back after QQT, i actually realise I am so super awake throughout the day i dun even need a nap or what in uncle vic's van :D AWESOME or what.

Damn im really hungry now and i dun think i even have time to eat later. RARH. or maybe i should go for lunch now. okay just being random. Anyway Daniela, all the best for your Os and fourteen more days to freedom!! yay! hahaha. O level seems so foreign to me now. its like a forgotten thing.

many many many things are jsut running through my brain- sometimes i wonder what it is made up of- as i observe things happening around me, getting better perspective of life and all. oh my. i sound like some emo kid or what.. okay, maybe I am.

Oh, anyway I am now called Davidee. HAHA. pretty unique name. Some ppl were like david...? sounds old. omg. ok so Davidee is the female version of the male one? haha. cause Im a psalmist you see. funny thing is when i pestered mum for a new name i never thought that i will actually miss my name Grace. seriously. do you guys ever know that you can have feelings with your name too?! LIKE for the PAST eleven years of my life im called Grace lah. and like now im davidee. it does kinda feel that a big part of me is gone kinda thing... and i will think like what if ppl next tym want to find me? then they cant find me cause i have changed my name! haha. madness. its like saying good bye to the old? its like a mixed feeling lah. I dunno if im really gna part with my name Grace or just use it as a second name. and also davidee is a harder name to catch when i introduce myself. ppl will always say 'pardon?' and then there i go repeating my name again and spelling it out to them and they will go ORGH! DA-VI-DEE. im expecting thing to happen. i always like the fact that my name is so easy to catch. GRACE. intro once and it is stuck in their brain. if they forget any other names, they wont forget mine cause its so easy to register! hahha. ok whatever. DA- VI -DEE.

w love,
BYE.

2009-10-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Every single day is a battle.

A battle with myself, a battle against the world.

Im trying not to give in, trying hard not to give up. i look upon the future and its bleak. so i thought i could be smart and create something out of it. But i will only mess it up, further... And what more can i do but just stay still just where i am...

SHIT.
This whole thing is a joke. seriously a joke.

2009-10-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Day One Of School.

Had dinner with M. and thoughts just flooded as usual. I wonder why didnt God give all of us two lifes. the first life is for us to trial and error, to make all the mistakes you ever want to, try all the things you dream to do- whether messy or not. Then after I have messed up my life and tested the feel of it, then my 'actual' life begins. which is the second life. Wouldnt it be cool? or so I thought. hmm.

Thanks M, for the wonderful artpiece. Never knew you can block me- and only me- from seeing the album. naughty huh.

School was cool today. Had commskills lesson and my tutor is really awesome. He used to be a producer in mediacorp. a really nice person. Well, i thought to myself that not bad. i can survive five hours of tutorial with him. HA. but who knws, we were gna be seperated into grps and so it will not be five hours but lesser.

Was smsing D if i should jot down in my journal about certain events and how i felt towards it. I was afraid that after i jot down, in future i will forever remember that these things happened in my life that i never want to rmb. But D said that i should cause jotting it down will help me to think better. maybe i should.

Am really excited for things that is coming in this last quarter of the year. dreams and visions coming to pass! sometimes i really wish time could just stand still at this moment, with the aircon blowing right at my face, with me just unloading and relaxing, not having to face the world. With christian music playing at the background. PEACE. sometimes life feels like a game. though 'christians' shouldnt be saying this, but i do feel that life is a game. a game of heaven or hell, where do we go. and so what if we go either. I mean when the world comes to an end, we will be up there worshipping God till eternity. while many will be down there suffering. Sometimes i wonder why is life like that.

Sometimes i wonder why certain things happen and that God is playing a huge joke on me. and maybe He is having fun doing so. But well, my carnal mind thinks like that. But i know... that faith is sure of the things unseen of. with faith eyes i know that God arent playing a joke on me. And He definitely arent hacing pleasure from seeing me suffer like that. Im sure He has a plan for all these. plans to prosper me and not harm me. plans to give me a hope and a future.if only i trust, believe and obey. As long as i bite the bullet and wait. I know that good things are up ahead and God's glory is gonna be revealed soon.

Is my God bigger than all these obstacles in my life? How big my problems are to me will tell me how big my God is. If my problem is so big they overwhelm me, it only tells me that my God is so small, He cant handle these problems I have. If my God is so big, and i truly know that He is the one who created the universe, the galaxies, the whirlpool and He holds the universe in His palms- then my problems are too small compared to my big God and I can just trust.

2009-10-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

This looks like our wedding (HAHA)

cant wait for the three weddings next year! YAY! we will be singing again! haha.

Singing partner yo.

10 things you should know about Gracey.

Inspired by donk. lol.

Cause of his tag that he wonders why i could type so fast...

so here goes.

TEN things we should all know about Grace.

One. I rebonded my hair ytd ( hahhaha)

Two. I love durian cakes

- cause my grandma used to order handmade durian cake from my neighbour for my birthday when i stayed over at her place. BUT. i havent found one that can be compared to that cake... and i miss it real bad. i think this neighbour moved house alrd so since then i havent eaten any durian cakes that are better than the one she made :( still searching. any recommendations?

Three. I can sing.

But i believe i dont have the skills. HAHA. i dont sing from the diaphram. I believe God gave me the voice but i didnt work on my skills. HEH HEH HEH. i sing with alot of air so most of the time people dunno what im singing. shit.

Four. I want to be an author.

I hope to write my first book before i turn 20. But. I dunno who will read and i dunno what im gonna write about. any suggestions? :D or, anyone who wants to prebook my book?

Five. I compose my own songs.

But most of my songs are forgotten. I write them out and the next minute i throw them away. i throw many of my songs away/ forgotten about them. Cause i always forget where i place my things and so when i write it out a piece of paper, i usually lose that paper. i need a personal assistant. HEH. My songs are usually written base on what i feel and experienced and till this point my favourite song is one that goes like this. i dont think i ever recorded it and place on the web. but its one song that made Am cried so much.

Damn, time lag.

Have you wondered why

Life seems so tough

Have you ever wish

It was all a dream

Have you ever felt

Like running away

Feeling all so empty inside

Chorus: If only life

Has got no sorrows

And I am void of feelings

If i can run and hide this mess

And pretend that all is fine

But I am losing myself

Losing my self...

Again.

Six. I love children and I want six kids.
LOL. I already found name for my three sons and one name for my girl (:
awesome. I want my children to have dimples like me ( amen )

Seven. I speak at a very fast pace.
This is something that everybody will comment at least once in their lifetime about me.
Reason being: i think that im wasting ppl's time when i talk slow or that people has no time for me. so i talk really fast. I didnt feel that i was important enough for ppl to listen to me and i feel like im a burden and wasting their time. so i speak fast and it has become a habit. Im gonna change it and learn to take my time and know that Im loved!

Eight. I hate to make decisions.
But mum taught me that the quality of a person's life depends on the quality of the person's decision. damn.

Nine. My parents seperated when i was seven.
But i guess its no big deal since both are still alive. oh well. learn to give thanks in every situation cause there is always someone out that who is suffering more than me.

Ten. I dont date.
Shit. this may be lame but this is damn important. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
met Daddy yesterday and i tell him maybe i should just die a virgin. he laughed like mad. cause he was telling me about relationships and how a person can change so much. But what he doesnt know is, everyone always appear nice and angelic lah. who doesnt. especially when they are dating. and when he say that people change after marriage, in my heart was. not true. people never change after marriage. its just that after marriage the real stuff comes out. during dating its just all pretense and the proper image put up. so i decided im gonna show my worse. HAHAHHA. im no angel please. i have a bad temper and i will die if this man leaves me cause my dad left me. so breakups will KILL me literally. so to avoid that pain, i dont date. So dont date me. LOL.

Had dinner with dad yesterday. i havent seen him for two months maybe. and he tried to influence me to go uni ah, go banking ah. and i just tell him dont try to influence me. HAHAHAHAH. was good lah. though only two hours or so. Boo.

2009-10-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

The future is uncertain.

God gives and God takes away. He gave me dream. A beautiful dream and He took it away. Hmm, sometimes i just dont understand why. Chatted with R yesterday and he said that he hope one day God will show him why he went through what he did... And my reply was, God need not always answer our why-s. Simply because, He is God. And He has every right to not reveal to us while we are still on earth. But being human, we just want to know why this, why that. maybe because by knowing why, we can be in control. we all want to be in control. we all hate the uncertainties of life. nobody knows what is gonna happen to himself or herself tmr. Or even the very next minute.

This person could suddenly have a heart attack and just die. No one knows for sure what will happen in the next second... Well, God tests us to see if we meant what we said. That we will praise Him through the storm ( casting crowns)

each time trails come, will we get angry with Him that He took that one thing we really desire? Or will we still chose to praise Him. In this case, i choose to praise Him. I didnt understand why He showed me and then He took it away. my thoughts start kicking in and i began to think how things might just change in the end. Oh well, whats the point of thinking and guessing what will happen in the end right. Why not just cruise and enjoy the journey.

Just like how i went Mcritchie to jog, it wasnt the ending that excited me when i finnally finished the 11km. it was the journey. and in that same light, it wasnt the ending that excites God, but the journey of us getting there. The journey of Him being able to walk with us when like is smooth and went we hit a rough patch (: i really wish i could elaborate and go in detail what i meant. But it really arent convenient... Maybe, just maybe, one day it would be convenient.

'Live each day like its the last'

this was what he told me. and to a certain extend, it should be that way. we tend to take things for granted. that we will still be alive tomorrow. then we would go to bed and open our eyes the next day, still alive and kicking..

But what if... Just if.
you open your eyes and realise you are in heaven. Or worse. Hell. in hell you suffer physical torment. the fire burns ur body yet you will nvr melt away. which actually makes it worst. cause you have to endure the heat forever, down there. made slaves by all the evil spirits. but... do you think the physical pain could compare to the heartache that you may feel?

If the day before you fought with your parents, ans said you hated them. if all your life you nvr said three words of 'i love you' to them though in your heart u knew u love them. but pride stop you from saying those three simple yet the most powerful words... or that you felt that they dont deserve the three words cause they hurt you so much...

maybe you always wanted to tell your friends or family how special they are to you in your heart but you never did cause u procrastinate and think that you have all the time in the world...

sometimes the price one pays to not open the mouth to communicate is too high. How often do we not know how appreciated and loved we are till someone tells us? or that we nvr felt that we were pretty or handsome till a compliment comes and you really believe you are?

people are just suffering.. real bad. if only we being chinese would place our pride down and start communicating love. i nvr knew my mum loves me. i used to hate her... cause i felt that she was nvr there for me. always workin and she left me with my grandma and childcare. she was nvr there. i thought she hated me. i thought i was a burden to her. till one day we communicated and she affirmed me that she loves me and she has regrets in her life. she wished she could be there for me in my growing up years...

It wasnt easy to start communicating with her. i hate to swallow my pride. she hate to humble herself to listen to how i felt and face the mistakes she made in my growing up years. But she loved me enough to do that. and our relationship blossomed. i used to be a girl who storm right into my room and lock myself in there immediately when i got home. communication...

I snapped at my mum last night cause i didnt like it when she tells me to stop eating fried food etc etc. yes it was out of concern. but i hated it. she always talks about my pimples and stuff ( haha). ok lah. she loves me and just want to tell me but she does it so often it irritates me. and its not like i didnt know all those. so i just snapped and reacted at her. DAMN. i was guilty. till today i didnt apologise though i said iw ould cause i couldnt swallow my pride. cause i think its her wrong what. but it was still wrong of me to have reacted at her. So this morning i woke up still conscious of how i reatcted at her... and so i came down my bed and gave her a morning kiss. HAHAHAHA

Ok thats all for now. im blogging too much i think im being such a nuisance. oh, all you good students out there who are reading my essays. Kudos.

2009-10-14T05:16:00.001-07:00

I Lack Pictures.

Yesterday Am came over to ma place and we had PIZZAAAA! (: was awesome time spent with this precious one. One who is always in my heart, in my prayers. And im so glad we could catch up yesterday. We read together... a book named 'healing for the father wound'. a book that Aunty Deb got for me last year for christmas cause she felt that the Holy Spirit prompted her to get it for me.

I tried reading the bk initially but i kinda know the contents inside already since I have been in disciple class for five years and did healings and stuff. So yesterday i explored the book together with her. it was way cool cause we both could totally understand each other's feelings and that NOPE. We are so not weird with the way we think and act. Girl, you are so normal.

yesterday was the first time i truly experienced what it meant by reaching the untouchables... yesterday was the first time my life's experiences were used to touch another. Not that usually my life doesnt. but today was the first time i ministered to someone whose background was the replication of mine... I knew and understood her every thought. Every. i could complete her sentences, tell her what she has been struggling with, tell her the burdens that she has been carrying ever since her roof tore apart... It wasnt easy for her. it wont be easy for anyone who went thorugh what she did. But ppl around her couldnt understand her. people around her thought she was being too sensitive, making a mountain out of a molehill. But i guess they'd never understand until they are in our shoes. i feel you girl.

And maybe thats why God placed you in my life when u were merely twelve. And when u are at ur weakest, i could offer u a helping hand and listening ear.... And not judge you and think you are weird... And the sweetest thing that happened yesterday? that you invited Jesus back into your heart again.

Many atimes we think God is playing a joke on us. He made us come to earth so He could torture us. Oh how distorted our thinkings could be. and yes, thats exactly what satan wants to do. Satan knew that God made fathers so that our fathers could show us what the Heavenly Father is like. If many of you do not know, the way you relate to your father, the way he acts and all, you porject it upon the Heavenly Father. For instance, my dad was never there for me physically and emotionally therefore i will find it hard to enter worship cause i will always think that God isnt there and He feels so far away...
Satan knew the power and the impact a father has on a child. so he made a plan to destroy this image carrier of God. He tore families up so the children will never see how the Heavenly Father is like... But yesterday, i hope that girl, you realise that no, God is not a prankster who plays prank on us... He loves us so much. and He loves you so much He gave up His one and only Son. No, its not a fairytale. Everything in the bible is true. they are facts, recorded in history... So often we believe in ghost n devil. why is it so hard for us to perceive that God exist?

Went to Austin hills today and mum read from the book on rejection.
Most of us have suffered from rejection. be it our parents, friends etc. And some suffered rejection in the womb when their parents wanted to abort them. They realise that they grow up having death thoughts, wanting to commit suicide... They feel unworthy and hated by everyone. some of them needed attention so much they give themselves away... and waste their life messing around...

And rejection is one of the favourite tool of the devil. so many of us are paralysed with the fear of rejection from ppl that we put up a false front, a false self, a pretense self... we never really know who we are and our whole life is trapped with wanting to please others. and this is hard work. cause this person nvr experience liberty and freedom. But when I really know my worth in Christ Jesus, i need not try so hard to please anyone anymore...

there is this saying that goes, a person's worth is how much one is willing to pay for him/her. And i am bought with Jesus's life. Thats my worth. Well well. i can continue saying all this theory. i mean, which christian dunno Jesus died for them. Yet, the longest distance in the whole universe is from the head to the heart. Many christians know God with the head, but they nvr knew God with their hearts. that is why their lives never change. I pray that Lord you will help me in the journey of building my self image that i can get out of the bondage of wanting to please man and be trapped.

Good nights!

2009-10-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

I'M SORRY.

Today i felt like a monster. A little devil. I hurt someone i loved with eyes that pierce and words that hurt. I made her cry. I knew it. But my heart was so hard i couldnt be bothered.

She humbled herself to apologise. But with a numbed heart i look right into her eyes and said that i didnt feel anything. I cant be bothered with whatever she does.

I saw her eyes turned watery within seconds. She looked away. so did I. But i didnt feel guilty. I felt like i did the right thing. Im a bad girl. And thats what a bad girl does. A bad girl makes others cry. a bad girl hurt others. I feel like im a pain in the ass. therefore i hurt the people i love so they will not come too close to me.

I was angry. why wasnt she there when i needed her the most? why those those s o r r i e s hurt so bad. cause to me its just a five letter word which carries no meaning when again and again an apology is offered up for the same mistake. i was bitter. in my heart i thought, why is there a need for friends? Im happier alone. Really. im more peaceful.

With the anger i carried within me, i was an atomic bomb. so when i look at her and tell her i cant be bothered, i knew i hurt her bad. right into her heart. i knew it was not an ordinary pain i gave her. and i knew this was the worst hurt i had ever given her. this was a purposeful act. i was mean intentionally.

Im such a bad friend. I knew i got to apologise. but i didnt want to. i was prideful. I was angry. I was in control by keeping silent. i refused to be jordan-ed. i want to jordan her...
most of the time i jordan myself. i humbled myself. i died to my anger to my rights and continued to love. but because i refuse to circumcise my heart, i hurt this friend of mine. and... i think it wasnt worth it. if i had chosen to die to myself, this friendship would blossom and live. if i chose to feed my anger i would have killed the friendship with my own hands. which, i did this afternoon.

For a moment i thought its over between us. i just killed this friendship. she is gona hate me for being so mean to her...

She often thanks me and wonders why i still loved her after she hurt me and when i wanted to just give up... this time round, i wondered if she would do the same... for me... that when i hurt her, would she be there for me? or would she be like everyone else, who only sticks by when there is something out of it. will she be a friend? not just a fair weather one. but one that would still embrace me when i stab into her heart... a friend that after seein how ugly and bad i am can still forgive me and love me... and not judge me and hide from me...

We walked out of the MRT train together. if i were you, i would take to yishun and drop and refuse to walk home with this idiotic girl.

I knew you tried so hard since morning... i pushed you away... i made you go first cause i needed to do something... and after office, when we were going back tgt, you were trying real hard to think just what did u do... what the hell is wrong with this girl... you thought and thought. you showed me the sms... but no, its not the sms. u thought i felt like u 'pao to' me... noo... its ur privacy and i need not know what you said.

you thought harder... that i was hurt by your reaction... and finally u pluck up the courage to humble and apologise and all u got was a reaction back...

you were hurt and in pain. you couldnt stand with me anymore. we couldnt stand the sight of each other... u teared.

We stepped out of the train. most of the time having you walking behind me and you hurting as you walk beside me... and you tried again... you gave me a sweet and i apologised...

All this while i looked at how unrightly i was treated. how angry i was. how bad a friend you were. But i couldnt see how ugly i was... I was demanding. i demanded you to understand whatever i went through. i demanded that you should be here for me, that you should know what to do when i was at my weakest.

all this while u gave in to me. you knew sometimes i treat u unfairly but u still gave in to my unfair treatment.. emotionally i was always there for you but u were hardly here. physically when i wanted to buy food or what, you were always there for me but when u needed to, i would be tired. you tahaned my idiosyncrasies.

you suffered so much because of me. you learn to open your heart to share me, to open your heart to love people. you learn to stand without me.

Thank you for not abandoning me when i was at my weakest. and still loved me. you think i was the only one who loved u when u turn ugly... but in actual fact, you loved me too. i could imagine others storming off because i reacted. but u stood by...all these while you loved me not with words, not with affection, with hugs and kisses. but all this while u stood by me by being just beside me...

you always think of me, gave me the best. because of you, i did many things i never would have been able to do with my family's financial status. money was never an issue with you. you always offered me help whenever i needed. never gettign impatient and angry with me over this issue.

I never appreciated all the little things you did for me. the little cards, handicrafts... and all i did was pick at your mistakes.
Im sorry.
i've failed as a friend.
the three words i often say to you was tested today and i see how i failed at my love for you. instead of building you up, i tore you down, intentionally.

i went to your blog and saw what you wrote about me.
I felt so undeserved. im not as good as you think i am. im not that good. it wasnt me, by my own strength that i can continue loving you... i felt undeserved cause i knew my idiosyncrasies, how i hurt you too. im not as good...

Im sorry for the hurt. but i thank you for the love. id never forget this day i promise. the day i know you truly loved me... not loving me when im at my best. not loving me when i could give u anything. but loving me at my lowest. when i was at my meanest. i dont think i have ever been this mean to anyone... i felt like a little devil. i was all ready to turn bad.

But maybe.. maybe cause of your love and grace showed to me... i know that im accepted...
would you still dare love me and come near though you know im this mean?
the past two days was... like hell. i dunno why. what i have been feelign this two days was something i have never felt to this extend before. i think i was going mad. like really mad.

thanks for being my friend. and please, dont give up on me ever if i ever turn mean again... i mean, not that i want to be mean... but... when i said what i said, i totally lost control of my words, of how i feel. but yet at the moment was the real me. and you accepted me and still made the first step to love me with the little you know how.

For loving me and my mum.

For rejoicing with me.

For being a phone call away. im sorry i have taken u for granted. familiarity breeds content. for the nine years, i guess we have been too familiar. meetin up almost everyday for dinner.
Mum thought us about new deal, ordeal, no deal and new deal.
Can we start a new deal once again?

I thank God for giving my great awesome friends to walk me thorugh life. you used to tell me in primary school that you would rather having many good friends than one best friend. but i guess now you would not agree with what you said then anymore right?

And i love them because you love them.

For all these wonderful memories. thank you.

For hong kong, thank you.

I dunno what else to say, but thank you. for sharing your life with me, for allowing me to enjoy such great friendship. for loving me- when i became really mean...

I love you, M.

If anyone cared.

2009-10-12T03:19:00.000-07:00

If Someone Cared.

Gracey went to mcritchie to run. actually walking most of the time.

Went there after i got my discipline last wednesday alone. Did 11km. My first time ever. and i do deserve a pat on my back cause i conquered 11km ALONE in that forest. I did it cause i wanted to. and since no one wanted to go cause they probably thought i was mad. And perhaps also because God allowed it to happen. I knew that no one would have gone with me cause God already told me but i decided to try my luck anyway. That day would be a turning point for me. Though there were concerns in my heart like... ALONE?! what if some stranger kidnap me or what. LOL. SERIOUS. no joke k. or what if i get attacked by animals. I was scared. But when the spirit of God is upon you, you just know in your heart that everything would be alright and i would be fine.

Half way through when i was in the middle of the forest walking, suddenly before my eyes were a group of monkeys. Damn i frozed. i didnt dare to continue moving forward. instead i began to walk backwards. I was like SHIT! what do i do now. i have a choice. 1. walk all the way back to where i began. 2. continue walking forward though it is dangerous.

I knew and i knew there is no way i will turn back and walk back to where i began. I knew and i knew im walking forward no matter what. even if it means being attacked. Slowly the monkeys began to disperse and started climbing onto trees. so i thought it was safe to advance but as i did, little monkeys began to jump to the ground. I had no choice bt to jsut continue walking forward. With each step closer, i prayed even harder in tongues... well, im safe at the end of the day. though this one stupid monkey did want to disturb me but i just prayed damn hard and quickly run away from them. i was in cold sweats. i wanted to cry and just ask God to translate me back to where i came from.

Turning to look how far i was from the starting point, shit. im in the middle of nowhere. the starting point is right across my eyes. i am in the MIDDLE of the jungle. just finished 5 plus Km and 6 plus more to go.

Ha. alright. so i know i need to depend on prayers even more. for the first time i experience being really at a loss... and depended fully on God. until the next part of the jungle, i had to make decisions again. there were arrows around and on it were written various signs like 0.9km, 2km, 6.5km etc.

I had a choice. would i want to leave this jungle with only about .9km to conquer or would i take up the challenge to conquer all the way to the end and take the 6km. Last sunday the preacher prayed over me that i am a woman of determination. and he was right. i did the 6km though i already completed more than what i usually would.

Oh. Grace HATES running. did i mention that? yes, and here i am attemptin another 6km having completed 5km. A L O N E. God spoke to me and i learn many lessons that very day. A day id never want to forget. a day i knew changed my entire life and my view of life. would i want to do it again? Yes. If God is going with me. If im gona do this alone without God, Hell no.

meet this little darling, Ryan.
i couldnt touch your life last week. But i believe in prayers. the dance i danced on sunday is for you. I pray that God would save you and touch your life. May His spirit move in your life in Jesus name.

' the world is too quick too judge and too slow to understand'
The world is hurting and lost. who will care to look out of themselves and start looking in to the hearts of others.

yesterday was the worst day of my life. its been so long since i felt the way i did last night. sometimes not all testimonies encourage. some testimonies remind others of the things they have suffered and once again refeshes the memory and the wounds that is embedded deep in their minds and hearts which they have been trying to hide and conceal.

Yesterday was one good example. i told myself that i wasnt gonna cry over anything. Perhaps it has become such a norm that when a preacher shares about his/her testimony about how their parents seperated or divorced, how their life were so brokened, these people who are brokened would be in the mind of others and people would wonder how these people feel. it has perhaps became a norm that these people will go up for prayer. nah, i do not want to belong to that norm.

Pastor shared about how she got into an accident and for the first time after many years, when her parents seperated ,she opened her eyes and saw her mum. cause the past years her mum's present arrived. but not the person. and yes, the presence of the present doesnt make any difference. we dont give a damn about it.

im weird. i always think of something weird. out of the norm. whilst people were touched by her testimony, how God can make her such a strong lady and give praises to God, i had a secret plan in my heart. since young i had been thinking. since young when i watch different tv programmes about how this kid's parents gona seperate and this funny aunty will come and teach him to fall sick so the parents will get back again. i thought about that too. And her testimony only made me want to do that. i want to get into an accident. Maybe, maybe i would for the first time after ten years see both my parents before my eyes. not having to seeing one or the other.

Its stupid. but who cares. i dont give a damn how stupid it was. I gave myself a few options. jump down from high storey. No. i may just die. and by the time i die, at my death bed even if both my parents were to appear, it would have been too late for me to even open my eyes. maybe they would be at my funeral already... And if i dont die, i pay a fine to the government for trying to commit suicide. DAMN.

Then i thought about getting into a car accident. but im scared i will break my arm or legs. Ha. then i wont be able to walk forever and i would be so dumb to do that. and since i have been exposed to insurance, i wonder if my mum bought accident insurance for me. cause if they didnt then my parents wont have to pay for my fees and i would be such a burden on them. i dont want to be a burden to anyone.

I was in pain. deep pain. pain was an understatement. my tears were like a water tap all ready to burst out the moment you turn on the tap. i was so vulnerable that moment. i told people my secret plan. But no one took me seriously. how sad. everyone just brushed what i said aside and took what i said as a passing statement and my words just fell to the ground. everyone was too absorbed with themselves they didnt see that someone so close needed a small hug. words were not needed. self seeking words were even more not needed.

no wonder sometimes id rather spend time alone. at least i have peace. call it isolating. but, who cares. how often i wonder, is someone out there hurting and no one realised. maybe i was too good in acting. acting strong and tough. yea, i look strong and tough. i had to be. if you were me, you will understand. but you arent. people see and judge the exterior. but who caares to look a little deeper to understand? the world just needed understanding. they dun need more words to tell them what they should or should not do. what they all need is love. But if love was such a simple thing, then why would there still be so many brokened people out there.

Maybe cause everyone is too self absorbed. people who are blessed are never contented. never giving thanks. Thats why God allows breaking. and break people like me to understand. to break my selfishness by making me going through the pain. so when i see someone in pain i would immediately pick it up.

i often got upset with God. Why me.
People says 'so that God can use you to minister to people out there just like you. to touch the untouchables, to reach to the unreachables.' But its such a simple statement to say. i could say that statement easily too. But who is willing to pay the price to understand the broken? none. maybe that rare few? i got angry with God for being so unfair. Life is unfair.

Its a pain that i carry all my life.
each time i got upset, i would always come to a point of thanksgiving. getting angry with God wont make things better. since he already broke me, why not just use me.

how ironic. the common prayer people make is 'Dear Lord, use me, mould me, break me.' When His finger hardly touches my life, i scream and yell liek a mad woman and get angry why He touch MY life. human human human. what lies we sing every sunday. but that is why we are all fallen. But praise God for His unfailing love.

Life is unfair? Yes. but God is so unfair for me. brokened? yes. the amount of tears i cry no one would ever know but God and the angels who collects my tears know. I cried my way home last night. i cried my night off in bed. even i closed my eyes tears just fell uncontrollably. this was so familiar. the measure of paini havent experienced since primary school. woke up w swollen eyes. i didnt want to talk to God. i was angry... i had many questions in my head. the bible says, Jesus understands. but i wonder... Mary and Joseph nvr divorced.. does he really understand?

my mind debates. but my heart knows that Jesus loves me. and He understands my pain and He pains with me... I know cause He has walked me through the tough ten years of my life. and His grace upon my life and favor upon my life is something i cant describe cause you have to experience on your own... If i could live my life again, ... i think i will not trade my brokeness to not have Jesus in my life. I may have the most perfect life and not have Jesus in my life. but life would hold no meaning. i may have all this brokeness... But... Its not that tough afterall cause I have Him in my life. Painful as it is, i dont face all these alone.

Thank you Jesus.

A pat on your bag too if you read the whole ESSAY.

2009-08-31T19:48:00.000-07:00

I can never give up anything more than what You have given up for me.

Hey peepsy.
there is so many things in my head now. things like giving up this, that, those. and it hurts.

Giving up on the acapella group, auditions for mi lu bing MTV, and THAT.

many times i'd like to think that hey, maybe God is opening the doors. but yet deep down i know that it isnt. and it would only draw me away from Him. And cause He gave up His all for me, there is no reason that i cant give those up for Him. and i know that as i continue to trust, He will bring me there Himself. sometimes i will tell myself its no harm trying it out. many times i wonder at the opportunities out there, the chances that i would shine and be spotted.

id wonder how can i ever be up there if i dun even work towards it? Like God gave me a dream, i must work towards it! so by my own strength and physical eyes, these ARE open doors! But i've being a disciple long enough to know that hey, thats not how God works. i told my self its impossible that id just out of the blue be spotted while walking on the streets and be up there. But HE showed me that it WAS possible! that was what happened with national day in school. He is God and He can. and i felt 1000000000x better after having spoken to big bro ben. Its like im going through what he went through and i wonder if he knows where he is going now, whether he has any doubts that he will be up there. He said to me that God can just the next day put me up there. But its not the ending that He is interested. its the process, the character building that He is interested in.

Its all about the climb. I believe and ic an only trust with faith that when i finally arrive after maybe 5 years, 10 years or 15 years, it can only be the best. better than what i ever though i could achieve. i could jolly well accept those offers. they are good. but they are not the BEST. i determine that i only want the BEST from God. good is the enemy of best and im throwing the good out. and im hanging on to the words He said. I'd surely arrive and what i have given up this day, He would give it back to me a million times more. the aching feeling is there. but i will stand firm.

2009-08-18T06:34:00.001-07:00

Hello lovelys.
Met up with Lambert to study at the MINDS cafe, and met two new friends-shuling and weisu. Great people to mix with. we ended up playing board games and getting to know each other better. And... They are coming on sunday! YAY! way cool (: Shuling made a pact with me that she wont date till after i do! haha. thats damn mad. But... we just did. For just merely knowing each other for four hours we acted like we were long time friend and the guys are just amazed. hmm. love you to bits girl.

Mum cooked Chilli crab and chicken rice. ORGH. it was so good i wanted more :( she said she will keep cooking till i get sick of chilli crab. woohoo! bring it on yo. bring it on! Amethyst came to join me. Glad she enjoyed herself at my place. sure hope to reach out to this young girl :) For once i need not envy that CAT for having her mum cook chilli crab for her. MEOW!

goonnnaaaa go airpork with DOOORRRAAAA to study! like finally after so long! WAY TO GO GRACE. gogogogo! need to pia already! (:

eh, its just a great day today. my QT for today: be the salt of the earth, light of the world. Honestly i told God i donno what that means. And i ask Him to teach me. I dunno how to share the gospel with people. I dunno how to start at all. But He will guide me cause im willing! Cause... Jesus is too precious and i need to share Him to people so they can enjoy this amazing gift! and have their lives transformed. cant wait for this sunday!

2009-08-10T08:07:00.001-07:00

This is wayyyyyy too exciting! God ma is pregnant (: WEEEEEE. i cant wait for baby to be out! Baby is so blessed to have so many kor kors and jie jies awaiting his/her arrival! Im so gonna love baby many manyyy!

AHH! i wan my own kid too! like now! i wana be pregnant and have a life growing within me. HAHA, eh no, im not gonna do it the illegal way (: of course got to wait for a few more years lah! wa this is so tempting! i want my six kids! i even thought of my boy's and girl's names! woohoo! though i cant quite figure how i can manage the six kids, But... it will all be fine... It will all be cause God is in control! just like He is in control of my life right now.

You need to learn to trust Gracey, cause all is gonna be well. Dont be afraid that we would miss His timing. 'Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ'.

Babies are just one of the most amazing things God created seriously (:

It's a holiday today! i just wasted my day away sleeping and reading books, and of course dinner at god pa and ma house. oh. it was AWESOME. I love them and baby to bits :) eh, but anyway my life is way toooooo slackish. i cannot take it. so the girls and i are going jogging tomorrow at 6am. WOOHOO! a healthy lifestyle here i come!

There is so many things to learn in life. some learn through making mistakes, some learn through the mistakes of others. And im the latter. I always love to hear the love story of God pa and God ma retold. cause it always remind me of God's faithfulness, each time i get disappointed and wana give up. just too much things in my heart to say and i dunno where to start. But just remember that it will all be good.

Love,
Gracey.

2009-08-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

Dear awesome people, I had one of my most awesome moments in my life, today. A day that id never ever ever ever forget. A day that i will look back one day with tears. You may never be able to comprehend just how i feel at this moment, the feeling of awe that it all happened (:

I wished that time would stop when it all happened. i wish i could relive this day a million times over again. I wish i could re-experience the feeling of being on stage with hundreds of pair of eyes looking down at you, where the spotlights are focused on you, where you are the STAR. I'd not trade anything for this experience. I may not have the best voice to deserve to be up there, i may have screwed myself up there, but i thank God that it all happened this way. For things that just divinely fall into place. I cant believe it all happened.

The days of rehearsal of staying back to just practice, the different moments i had to battle with my self esteem and to slowly build up my confidence. The times when i felt inferior to her, and just feel as if i pale in comparison. The number of times i had to fight my thoughts to think right. It felt like all was nothing when i was right there, up on the stage enjoying every bit of it. those few minutes of limelight, it was all worth it. At that moment, we were friends complementing each other. she was my teacher, she was my partner. she shared my joy, she shared my experience. The giant that I used to fear so much...

Had dinner w E ytd, ( hey stalker! :P i know you are reading my blog! haha ) and he asked me if i wana become a singer and at that moment, i replied him that no, it is not my dream. If i am not a christian, i may wana be a singer. but if i was never a christian, i would never have known that i could sing- till an angel in disguise prophesy over me that i will one day be a worship leader. it was then i know that God has given me the voice and i began to explore with it. and today, i could be up there because it happened back day in 2004 when someone believed in me. i knew that it was not a predominated thought. it was a revelation. something that i heard for myself the very first time too. surly God knows about the struggles and temptations that lay await before me.

After the performance, many people commented that we did a great job and we have great voices. And many asked if we were in any singing Diva cca etc and some lecturers requested that they should put us up to perform more often and they enjoyed us so much. As the compliments came pouring in, lavishly showered upon us, I cant help but think at the back of my head that all of you refered to HER. not me. they were just being courteous. cause we were standing beside each other so politely they would say 'you girls have a great voice!' but i'd think that 'hey, i know you mean you - refering to her and not me.

Then a guy approached me and introduced himself and said that he is helping his sister out. He asked if i am attending any singing lessons out there etc. He said that his sister works in this industry that searches for talents in singapore and trains them up to be a star. Again at the back of my head, still feeling that she is better, i repeatedly told him go look for her. But he shut me up with his reply that yes, he will look for her himself. I wasnt interested about being a star and being groomed. but i felt flattered that i was spotted.

One year ago, song writing competition, 2008 July.

one year later, 2009, august.

W the salvo boys (: Great bunch of people to crap and hang out with

cause they are full of crap like this.

In just one year, so many things could happen. i can never imagine that one year ago, whilst i was up there in the auditorium competing i would be here up at TCC performing. if i had never taken the step then to join the competition then i would never be here at this stage cause my friend knew i could sing from the competition, which eventually i took over her this time... amazing isnt it? last year this time when i lost and got third, i was pissed with God. Cause i prayed and heard Him tell me to join the competition. i thought that with His consent, with His support, surly He has a plan. which naturally with the carnal mind id think that His plan was for me to get first.

My pride couldnt take it that i got third. i cried. and i got angry with Him. But this year this time, He surly has a plan. He saw how one year later id be here performing to an audition of hundreds. In this journey, i built my self esteem. of course inevitably there are still many condemning and inferior voices within me, making me feel really worthless. But life is a journey and i can never be perfect. im not perfect. I struggle like shit like any humans would. I struggle that people out there are prettier, richer, smarter. I struggle with inferiorty just too often. the only difference? God is in my life to teach me to value myself. He gave value to me. Im purchased by His blood, His life. Jesus is real, and He speaks to me, and teaches me the right way to think. He is here to hold my hands each time i am weak. He is my strength.

Its easy to let success enter my head and think that all this is possible because I did it. Its easy to conveniently forget that God was the reason why and how it could all happen. I have a struggle to want to chase after fame and popularity. perhaps i can really be a star now that i am spotted isnt it? id think that something BIG out there awaits me. what am i doing here Grace? But i will often fall back on what i told E. that it all happened because Christ found me. This day would never come without Him. Its all about Him.

2009-08-05T19:33:00.001-07:00

Performance at TCC.

'For He has enlarged my territory.'

Hello alll! have you heard have you heard?! (: Gracey is performing at TCC at tp for ndp! this friday (TMR) @ 11am! im sooo excited! its gonna be a whole of fun just singing and singing. heh heh. i really hope people who went for my songwriting competition could come! and watch me grow! aiyah. i just want people who will walk with me in this singing course (:

Heh, but whatever it is, of course ultimately i know that God is the one who is watching me grow. heh heh heh.

Seriously He is just making me face my fears. DAMNIT. the one that intimidated me last year. you know what not! i wasnt the original singer and she wasnt the original singer you know! what happen was i was walking up the stairs and bump into this girl who was suppose to sing instead. she just said 'GRACE! you can sing right! sing for me!' then i am where i am. For the other girl, the original singer apparently fell sick or MIA-ed. i think she is just too scared? cause she didnt appear for any of the rehearsals and caused many last minute changes. and for some divine intervention we are singing on stage together again, one year later...

Ok so. initially i was intimidated again cause i felt that she was so good i pale in comparison. and i told her that i felt inferior to her. HAHA. confessing is good. it makes you feel better and less inferior after that :P with more practices and rehearsals my confidence began to build. and she taught some tips too. awesome! im gonna be singing three songs with her! yay!

Actually, i figured that both of us have our own strengths. i admire her voice clarity and power. which is what i lack. haha. will build up on it as time goes by. EGG CITING!! more life memories that i can tell my kids next time. eh hehehehehehe. seriously i cant believe im gona be there singing! JUST LIKE THAT! like LIKE THAT! YOU KNOW YOU KNOW! like how can they just randomly allow me to go up there and sing to replace my friend. like HUH! aiyah. i duno how to express my feelings. but i bet i wont be able to express it more tomorrow (: its like im dreaming like that. Its really beyond what i ever DREAM or imagine! seriously! how would i ever know that i will be performing at TCC!!!! you know not! TCC is like the place they hold those DHL stuff, aiya. i think its like the biggest performance place in school. its the place where they let mediacorp singers and stars perform. woohoooooooooooo!

okay, so i realise i dunno the singapore pledge during rehearsal. haha.

Eh shit, God you are becoming so real to me each day. like seriously! its getting scary. the ( positive) kind of scary. gimmmeee more! (:

I love you Daddy God. and yes, your word holds true.
- beyond what i can ever think or imagine!-

CHEERS!

2009-07-12T20:44:00.000-07:00

Brokened on the inside.

Damn, i failed my access test. It was suppose to be a piece of cake. but i could not get myself out of bed to study this morning, though i was so sure i would, like every other tests. i woke up with my song ringing in my head.

' I want to run and hide this feeling deep inside
Im losing control of who i am and what I do
The only escape everyday is to lay in bed
And hope that i will never awake'

Two days to my birthday.
Today i decided that it's my Deathday. it's not a bad thing. cause we all need to die to our flesh. and yesterday since i went up for altar call to invite the ark of God back into the tent that i have pitched in my heart, i should have expected this. Well, God really takes you for your word huh. but whether i responded to the altar call or not, the end is still the same- death to the flesh. So why not respond to Him and walk into the breaking on a red carpet than have Him pull you in by the nose and bleed all the way. not that there wont be bleeding with the former. But at least i walk in with grace and poise. HA.

2009-07-09T07:07:00.001-07:00

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

2009-07-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

Check this out! :)

http://lulucherry.com/

2009-07-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

Hi blog, I miss you. I'm sorry i only watch you from afar this few months. HAHAH.
Okay, picture updates :)
Follow me on a walk through youth camp! YAYYY!!

Say hello to the BLUE-BOXER!

My team, my team! yay to blueys!

I love them many wors.

Sadly, shaunnyyy couldnt make it :( or you'd see his handsome face in these pictures too. i miss you!

Ok, this is not all. i think quite a number of faces are not in? But anyway, youth camp was kinda small this year. But i like it just that way. It was not like a camp AT ALL. it was like a family gathering of four days. and, i miss it so much. i wish i could relive those moments. Oh, and welcome the new addtions to the family- kinnon and mien mien. and... (heh heh heh)

ok, this was when we were practicing for our drama. seeing this picture made me burst out in laughter. Moses was in an awkward posiition. HAHAHAHA

welcome the new couple...

*drum rolls*
Russel and Issac!

YAY! we give you our blessings.

oh, they were doing a slow dance. so romantic right.. *melts*

the last night was... MADNEESSSSS!

Mossie looked like he got kissed by some ferocious girl. HA. or maybe he got slapped by that lady. hmm. only he knows right.

YAY! my brother and me. HAHAHAHA (damn thick skin)

you know why nt! we both got dimples on our left cheeks. so i told him that we were seperated by birth. so we found each other in camp. HAHAHA. it was so fascinating to see his dimples when he smiles and talk. so interesting lah! well, thats because i dont get to see mine when i talk and smile. HAHAH.

DORA!
glad she made some friends!

This was AFTER youth camp. the gathering of the pa pa jie. HAHA. hip hop 101 yo!

Movie!

i cant help but think that i look best, spastic........................................

yes, hi bud. well, he has somehow MIA from my life since... i cant remember...

okay, so... it's JULY! muahahaha. once again, its the month where many, many, many people stand in front of the family to celebrate their birthday. really, when i say many, its many. HAHAHAH. tomorrow is ber's bdae. yesterday was justin birthday. next monday is woman's bdae. mext wednesday is Grace's birthday. next next wed is gid's bdae and the list goes on. hmm.

our first picture taken together last yr. touched not? hehe

Woman is meeting me on wed in school! muahaha. woman ah woman. headache leh you. yes, we will meet up soon to talk (: i love you many. thanks for rmbing me when you need a listening ear. i feel so blessed to be part of your life :) but well, i guess this bdae wont be a really happy one for you right... hais.

Eh, i am going to the court now. and yes, im skippin school, again. shit. i skipped school ytd, forgetting that if i did, i have to pay a penalty. sigh. today im skippin again- i think. to accompany dad. boooooooooo

2009-06-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

Thy Kingdom come- mango pudding.

Anyways, my paper is at 3pm and i merely read through my notes. DON'T start yelling at me. I know what im doing. HAHAHAHAH -excuses- ah, i just did a research last night on two awesome places. Recommended by people and blogs :P Yay, im so looking forward to 18th June. Aren't you? woots.

LAST PAPER! YAYYY!

i cant waiting to see Faisy (:

i can't wait for camp.

i can't wait for 18th june!

check out http://www.mrbrownshow.com/

hilarious and witty.

*Update*

Got myself a pair of jeans after so loooonnnggg. my blue jeans which was bought three yrs ago now has a hole. HAHA, see, my jeans is so lasting =.= Watched night at the museum two a second time today with Faith. it wasnt as nice as the one i watched at tampines mainly cause the cinema was really small and there were very little people so when you laugh, it seems as if you were the only one laughin. But at tampines, i had a damn good time laughin my head off and nobody turns around to give me that idiotic stare... Damn, i still need to get a pair of decent sandals...

Joy is shortlived.

2009-06-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Girl, I miss you.
I keep calling you but your phone is off. Why did it stop me from reaching you :(

OOLALALA. I finally changed my blogskin. i felt like a noob cause it felt like forever since i last played with the codes- if thats what you call it :)

& so tomorrow is my last paper! i wana go for a swim!! any takers huh huh huh? or i shall just emo and swim alone. HAHAH. Im soooo happyyyy. Dora is coming for camp too! i was over the moon when she agreed to come for camp at about ten and i couldnt contain the joy to text bengy so i just called him.. yay yay yay. please open a way that she can stay throughout the camp dear Lord... And Dora, if you are reading this, i need to tell you some things. 1) how come your tagboard not working huh? 2) ur link to my blog something wrong lah 3) I cant wait to meet up with you soonnn!

ytd Grace bought more stickers! idk why but stickers must my heart goes faster. HHAHA. kinda weird but i just love them, maybe to the extend of coveting of them. EEKS. if im convicted i will repent ok.

I so miss the bakuteh under momsere's blk. should go have it later for dinner then cell! Tmr is the end of term test! tell me tell me what should i do to celebrate? HAHA. actually it doesnt really call for a celebration cause its nothing big.

Ok, i got to ciao.

but one last thing. Gracey spoilt three shoes in three weeks. 'YAYY!!' im so in need of shopping for slippers. and im so dead cause i so need to save and every month i tell myself that...

2009-06-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

The day i went to boopie's house to print stuff.
Note: no taking photos of the princess while she is sleeping. So picture of her love letter is taken. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. thanks my dear, for generously opening your house to me :) all the best for your project okayyyyyyy.

my quiet time for the day and how i breakthrough.

Psalms 53

A fool says in his heart that there is no God.

Why do people say that there is no God? Or specifically, why do Christians – those that were once on fire for Christ – suddenly turn their backs on their savior and said that there is no God? When we say and know in our hearts that there is a God, inevitably, the fear of the Lord will reside in our hearts. This meant that there are many things we will not do because we know that it is not right, and as-a-matter- fact, there are consequences to whatever actions we do. Lying, murdering, adultery, insubmission.. the list just goes on and on and on. When we chose to turn our back on Christ and doubt His existence, the unspoken truth is that we no longer have to submit to this heavenly authority and we can do what we want to do.

For example, if law and order never existed, no police to enforce the peace and righteousness of the people, we will all be able to walk in and out of a store and grab whatever we want without paying. But because we acknowledge that there is something called consequences, in this case, imprisonment or detention, we are discreet in the things we do. There is a fear of the authority here. So we avoid doing whatever that causes us to be punished.

Likewise, this is earthly authority example is parallel to the Heavenly authority. Do I obey because I love to? Well, sometimes I do but most of the time, it is because I don’t want to get into trouble and bear the consequences. David sinned and had adultery with a married woman and killed her husband. Together they had a child. The consequence David paid was the death of his son. Is it really worth the price? I asked the Lord to return back to me the joy of my salvation. Ask the Lord to do the same too, when you feel that you have sinned whatsoever. Cause nothing can ever bring us away from Him- nothing. Are there times when you feel tired?

Ask the Lord to restore you the joy, and return back to the First Love? Remember the first time when you were passionately in love with Him, desiring to live a life to please Him, to bring a smile on His face? That all you do and day is only for one motive- to bless His heart. How you said the prayer and sang a song to Him that God, I love you and I never want to part from you? Haven’t we disappointed Him time and again, and we get so tired of moving back and forth- one step forward, two steps back in this walk?

I feel tired honestly. Its tiring to always fall and end up in a cycle of bring tired. I’m tired of being tired. But today, I prayed a prayer that the Lord may restore to me back the joy of my salvation. I know that I can never do this on my own. I need His help to love Him. I’m human and I have natural limitations. And only with the supernatural intervention of God- which is Him putting the love in me to love Him would I ever dream that this is possible.

So back to the question. Why do people (i) say that there is no God? Cause they want to have the right to sin. Sin all they want and not feel guilty because after all in their hearts they say that there is no God! But what we think about God does not bother Him at all. But what He thinks about us is of utmost importance. Urrhh. This got me back on track. I don’t want to face God at the throne of judgment and apologize and repent of my foolishness. It will all be too late… Is time running out for you too?

God bless you all!

Camp is cominnnggggg! (: Kelvin, you idiot, why never reply my sms and pick up my call? you are coming for camp too right? as in half day?
Two more papers to go!

2009-05-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

I get so confused sometime. This few days I have been like a volcano, ready to erupt any moment. Strong and furious onl the outside, all ready to defend myself, yet like the plant touch-me-not’, on the inside of me I was wishing people just leave me alone cause I am so vulnerable at this moment and I will shut myself up if you come too close. Isn’t it interesting how the outward man just completely contradicts what is really within me?

The reason I am probably like what I am now, angry and actually hurt on the inside is because this heart of mine has been hurt. It was once vulnerable, open to love and to be loved. Naively thinking that things have changed for the better and things just magically gets better and fall into place beautifully as people grow up. I thought we put behind all the childish acts and we were young then- it was understandable. I thought my dream, hope and fervent prayer has been answered. But I was lifted up so high and threw down badly. And I hurt myself in the process. I was angry because I feel like a fool. I opened my heart and became vulnerable. When one’s heart is open and vulnerable, that is when the heart is most easily wounded, wounded deep.

I thought that life suddenly became so beautiful in that few weeks. I thought it would last forever- that I will not be snapped at anymore. Though it was not the best, I thought it has improved tremendously.To protect myself, I did what I had to. I snapped at you before you had a chance. But each time I felt so bad because you suddenly became so nice-again. It’s a cycle and I don’t want to play this game with you anymore. Do I have a choice? No.
I was once in the car of this great man and he said that love entitles you to be used. When you love someone, you give the person the right to hurt you and use you- whether you like it or not. And that is why though I hate the fact that I feel used, I still love you. And though I started out pissed and angry, after typing everything out, I feel so much better and I am back to loving you!When we cease to love, we cease to have life because the beauty of life is loving God and loving man.

‘For we move from death to life by loving one another’
‘By these shall all man see that you are my disciples – that you love one another as I have loved you’
- Béni soit ton Nom -

2009-05-10T19:10:00.001-07:00

SELF DECLARED HOLIDAY!

With MC...

knw what.... part of my pain (other than the gastric) was due to muscle tear. I fell down in the toilet and my ribs hit the toilet bowl. HAHAHA. and that was like a moth ago. so on saturday, i was sneezing and sneezing and KA-BOOM! the muscle got hurt again. EWWW.

Was on my way to school when suddenly there was a sharp pain in my stomach and i just bend down, couldnt walk. then it went away. called my mum and she brought me to the doc's. IM NT GOING SCHOOL, just like the primary and secondary people. HAHAHAHA. Envious? (:

Had diarrhea and vomitted in the train ytd. Wait, not exactly. I was in the train and i vomitted. BUT the vomit didnt came out. as in, i was smart enough to close my mouth. HAHA. so it was stored in my mouth. Was in somerset MRT station then. Had the urge to rush out at Dhoby Ghaut. But didnt. praying damn hard cause i can feel the next 'vomit' coming out. I was praying hard- damn damn hard. Cause if the next wave comes, i WONT be able to keep the train clean. DAMN. Thank God He answered my prayer!

Gna go study with Shaunnnyyyyyyyyy later (: yes, am a good girl. Its good i dun have to go school. now i can study on my own. Exams are in three weeks you knw!

Im really excited for youth camp. But sad then Jamesy, Miracle and Gid ( wonder if he will skip school.HAHA) wont come... WHY!!!! How can bonding be satisfying if we bond with everyone else and miss them out! sobs... I sure hope a miracle happens....

2009-05-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

didnt go to school today! missed the dumb bus. eh wait. i didnt miss it. 4 to 5 buses pass me by in the 30minutes of waiting. So i decided that i wont be going to school. but anyway i only have two hours of lesson. and for that lesson, the teacher wont be teaching anything. so i didnt miss much. Im not a bad student ok!!!

Have been playing bejeweled recently. not that its fun. its just that im bored. But while playing it, thoughts began to flood my mind of thats just how life is actually... life is full of choices. and every choice you make affects the way things will be in future. and there is no turning back...

I decided to take French seriously (:
Salut!

2009-05-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

YAY! Miracle bought me this yesterday (: Left it on my table and each time it catches my eyes i'd think... 'so sweeeettt....' heh heh. yesterday was Miracle's Day! LOL. But got to rush home to do homework... Went to her house to print some stuff and the whole familiar feeling of me going to her house and her busy trying to fix the computer for me just came again. I rmb how we would sit beside each other when one is using the computer and just 'check ppl out'. HAHA... I miss those times man. now because of technology like owning a laptop has caused us to strain. sounds weird but yet so true. Last night i had no computer yet so we would spend more time tgt, and even when i went to ur hse to stayover we both were busy using the laptops. damn, im not gna bring my laptop to ur hse when i stayover anymore.... Thanks my dear! (:

Didnt managed to go jogging in the morning cause M's mum said that there is thunder which meant that it probably is gna rain... but really, i duno mind not jogging to have such a good weather. HAHHAHHAHAHAHA. I skipped public speaking and french lecture. Because i have two hours of break. i know thats so stupid. hahaha... looking forward to FA later!!

damn. i skipped tutorial last week when i was suppose to represent some stuff. i duno if the teacher would want me to present again tmr... :(

Ciaos! lunching with bro.

2009-05-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

Daddy got a new phone for me... fron CHINA. hahah. eh, not bad okay. sing dollars is about 200 bucks... its quite cute actually. imitation of Iphone. HAHA. so funnyyy. And mum is bringing me to get a new line today! the unlimited sms one. im gona start disturbing the shit out of ppl :)

Theres many things im starting to miss... i miss the past, my friends etc. so, come back to me all of you! hahahaha. today school ended at twelve cause HR lecture is cancelled. so stayed back in school for project. OMG. David is sure chiong-ster. But its a good thing (: I'm glad to have him as my project mate. Class is pretty fine. getting along well.

Now it seems like time aren't on my side. I NEED to organise my time man. Exams are like coming in less than three weeks time... I cant believe it seriously!!! KELVIN KHOO! gimme a text to tell me u are still alive leh! i hope i still have ur number somewhere... so when are you coming on sunday to learn your guitar? :)

And the 5am race began today yo. getting back on track to the strict training!

2009-04-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

Romans 5:17
For if by the transpass of one man, death reign through that man, how much more will we who recieve God's abundant provision of grace and gift of righteousness reign in life through that one man Jesus Christ!

Gracey with her awesome make-up. only for the day. HAHAHHA.
Shots: Thanks to becky dearie!

Im a good girl. My student-to-be is a fan of my blog. Right, Kel? Anyway, school has started and so far it has been great. Went for lunch today with Hong ghwee and David.

Monday break: Hong Ghwee
Tuesday: Miracle
Wednesday: Dora
Thursday: Faith ( home cooked food! )
Friday: David ( read the bible together and study! )

Woman!!! you how?! i know you are dying for top table. LETS MEETUP!! i miss you lah! why you so creepy and ghostly! always creep into my mind in the middle of the day. I went to see ur blog but cant read the posts leh. I wana know whats going on in your life! Rmb im your greatest supporter? (: you are forever indebted to me. Remember the words you say to me you woman!

with my cell group. Bunch of great people who will be famous. HEH HEH HEH.
Happy birthday, Eunice.

God is so amazing. Im currently tight on cash now and I have got to purchase this second hand book that cost $39. first hand cost $51. and I had to pay up by today/wednesday. But i absolutely have no spare cash. BUT. DAVID paid for me first and i can pay him back next mth! hahah! YAY! im such a happy girl and im so favored! See! thats why give ur tithes people. We can never ever ever ever out give God!

Woots! sick of my face already? HAHAHA.
PEOPLE TOLD ME BEFORE THAT I LOOK LIKE A MALAY, A JAP AND A INDONESIAN.
you havent seen me when I was all dark from netballing. people thinks im an indian!
@!#$%^&*^%$#@

Dad please get a phone back for me pretty please...

Gracey composed a new song last night!! Totally loving it. people, everyone can write song. so start writing songs cause only your own song minister the most to you. God uses it to minister to you really deeply (: and its really romantic when you write a song specially just for your girlfriend. HOHOHO. so start writing!! its not some talent that require a thousand yrs to cultivate. you want it and you will have it! Jia you Miracle, for your coming up song! Becks too! and Great song FAISY! (:
'blessed is me who loves...'

Last but not least, Kel, get ur ass down to church at 2pm and i will teach you guitar! haha. gimme a tag and let me know you got ur eyes glued to this site yo (:

2009-04-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Who can be sweeter than my sweetest pastor who said that 'I will walk you down the aisle if your Dad doesn't.'

At that moment I was moved to tears. How can I not be?

And for that, I offer up my greatest gratitude.

Lord, you are so good to me.

School's starting! (: I'm so excited about all that is coming up, yay!
New friends, new environment, new beginning!
I know and I know that this dance today is a prophetic act. I'm no longer pin fan but zhen gui! Destiny, here i come!

That secret prayer you made for me... I know it can only be the best. I wait as it slowly unfolds. AMAZING!

2009-02-26T01:33:00.000-08:00

Dad is leaving for UK in April. For a year.
Then he will be going to india for another year.

Im gona miss him.

Alot.

No more nonsense from me.

No more phonecalls to ask how I have been.

No more calls to disturb.

No more dad to bicker with me.

No more dad to eat dinner with me.

No more dad to call to ask if i have enough money to spend.

No more luxury of hearing his voice as and when i feel like it.

No one to tell me how we don't look at father and daughter.

And he is getting me a phone before he leaves.
YAY! (:

2009-02-17T01:52:00.000-08:00

Im burying this- unless it's His will.

For I know the plans I have for you,
Plans to prosper you and not harm you.

2009-02-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

LOVE MESSAGE FROM MY WOMAN.
(sounds freaking wrong.)

DAME! time flies so fast! i suddenly realise that next week is macro and micro test!
0.0 thanks for the reminder wanfen and woman gave me a little sweet present-
a notebook for me to draw my doodles and creations seriously woman!
i love it but i just can't bear to use it! it is so nice!!! @.@
thanks !and also i would like to thank you for supporting my dream and encouraging me to go and pursue my dream and enlighten me in some issues.
Talking with you always makes me feel so good after that, you give good advices and you seems to be so knowledgeable!
thanks for being my food testing guinea pig! haha!
but through you i learn the mistakes i have made in the food and the next time i do it, it turns out well!lunching with you is always fun the regular chin tengs, yong tau foo and porridge and thank you for opening my heart , u are the first one that i have allowed to walk into my heart.
somethings seems so similar yet different about us i guess that is wad makes us friends =)it really makes me feel sad to think that we are going to seperated in different courses and classes after 3 weeks, i hope we can meet often after that and maybe u will have a specific day which is known the "woman day" where u would have lunch with me =)
haha!all the more i wish u good luck for the upcoming exams and may u pass with flying colours

MY REPLY TO THE WOMAN
(hahahahahaha. LOL)

Eh, I was so damn touch when I saw this (: I think we are mad cause during breaks we always go IT school to eat yong tau foo for the whole of sem two. YOU ARE MAD TO BE DOING THIS WITH ME. haha. and not forgetting, our faithfulness to our chin teng. This sem would nvr have been the same without you in my life man. you are always there for me, to accompany me to pass time. HAHA. EH! this thursday lets slack our time away tgt (: THATBOY IS NOT MEETING ME! YES! we are gona have a once a wk thing and i should just forget ABOUT THAT BOY and not meet up with him. HAHAHA. kidding (:
I always feel so loved whenever you cook for me! ( sweeet ) I get to have special treatment! Got sushi, got rice, got tang yuan, cheesecake,biscuit. wa. I so xin fu man. wish i could bake like you! But i think i better now. shall not land someone in hospital. HAHAHA. If I was a guy, I would just marry you the first day I met you. But, sad. Im not. HAHA. Shall give this chance to another fortunate guy *winks*
I enjoyed spotting eye candies with you, letting u think im weird with my taste, and spotting that 'guy' every wk. HAHA. though its kinda sad we arent exactly in the same class for all subjects, Im still glad we got closer than sem 1 (:
dangs. i think i shall let the cat out of the bag. The first day I met you, I thought we gona be enemies you know! Cause theres something in you that is so similar to me. Maybe thats what you mean by 'somethings seems so similar yet different about us i guess ' (: HAHA.
I love you!

2009-02-06T02:51:00.000-08:00

Grace didnt go to school on monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday (:

Went with becky and stinky on monday to fix her stuff and I got seven bibles! dangs. Im like freaking broke now... and I just rmbed I still owe becky $$$. anyway, I was quite mad. Cause lessons start on monday at 1 for me. Called to ask if stinky wana crash lecture but he was meeting B. So on my way to school, few more stops to my school, I decided that I wasnt going to school. So went to Jurong to find them. So that was monday.

Tues, I went to school from 9 to 11 for accounts and decided that I shall not attend the rest since i had never skipped marketing tut before. so figured that now was the perfect time. HAHA. So tuesday was a swimming outing for the 3Ms! Photo above taken then. Plus many other unglam pictures that I so do not want to post here. But WEEE. had fun! Its been ages i lasted exercised or did anything near to it (: felt so tired after that, but i was happily tired. afterwhich went with M to pizzahut! Its rather pathetic. Had the student meal, supreme hawaiin I think. four small pathetic pieces. But I was rather happy to eat it cause Im a rice and bread person (: Do you know that woodlands has christian shop too? YAY! I bought two new cds and am planning to get a guitar soon. need to brush up on my skills so i can write better songs and play better music.

Wedesday... After bathing, about to leave the house for tutorial i decided that I dun wana go school, AGAIN. so i called faisy and asked if she wanted to go out cause im not going to school. HAHA. so we went to watch love matters. She said it was boring. I think its quite lame too. but oh well. quite alot of really funny things happened. will update again when i get the pics. HAHA. Was a funny and unforgettable day. like always, whenever we have dates (: afterwhich we headed to Jeanette's bdae bbq. Oh man. I had so much fun playing the guitar. I missed it, badly. Its nice to get to see some of her friends. Well, not exactly. i wasnt wearing my lenses or my spectacles so i see no one. But, its still nice to 'see' her friends.

Thursday. I went to school cause it was sociology tutorial. I love it man. Sad its coming to an end soon :( It was suppose to be a day fixed for R and I but he was too busy and he forgotten about me :( He forgot to inform me he couldnt meet me. I was furious and mad initially. Cause I was so looking forward to meet him, so many things to say to him. RARRH. But just got to swallow it. But am glad we manage to talk on the phone at night :) He's my bestest friend in school man. Im so thankful to God for you Ruban. And I hope you will be my friend forever, even after you graduate in a year's time :( I was emo-ing on that day ( HAHA). okay, its been long since i last emo-ed alright. and that feeling kinda suck. All because of RUBAN lah! HAHA. no lah, plus many many things that is happening.

There's gona be a test tomorrow. Sociology test. I would say the reason i love sociology so much is because i have a great teacher (: And and and, the only way i can show my gratitude to him is by scoring As for him to see. *off to study*

2009-01-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

Chinese new year day 2! (: I think this year chinese new year is a boring one. Don't really feel as if it is CNY. I wonder by the time our generation grows up, we'd still be visiting families and all to bai nian. Im like in school now waiting for time to pass to meet up with my project mates to do up the powerpoint for presentation later. wahaha. im such a slacker. Woke up yesterday morning to do the newspaper article that i was suppose to hand up that evening. When I was eating with Ruban and Stephan( is that how you spell it, chindian :P ?) they were like shocked i do such a thing. HAHA. Yeah, im a slacker yo.

Anyway, was CNY, went over to momsere's place in the afternoon to bai nian. Its was really nice cause there's this family feeling and you could feel the warm and love that we have for each other. I wished I could just stay there the whole day but got to go Dad's side to bai nian. so cab to Aloy's place at amk. went to his place and (unlucky or not) his friends were there.

Then we headed to grandpa's place. while in the lift i told him that i wana cam-whore with him and he was like reluctant... RARH. arrived at grandpa's place then Aloy and me were like both looking at each other dunno what to say. WAHAHA. Poor him went to bainian alone last year. So we stayed there for about twenty minutes then went to dad's place. YAY! He gave me the biggest red pcket. hah. of course right. own daughter leh (: We took the bus together to big aunt's to eat dinner. I used my Dad's authority to make aloy take poictures with me (:

AHH. seriously. I only have our baby pictures together. need more of the grown up ones. HAHAHA.

Aloy, go to facebook and take the pics leh.

2009-01-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We are all unique yo. Something that I need to get into my thick skull and learn to stop comparing. It kills. There is always someone out there better than you, prettier than you, smarter than you.
People always say, why be second best by pretending to be someone else when you can be best at being yourself. Easier said than done. But true, no one can be me or try hard enough to be like me.

This girl... She is my aunt. And when she was still a toddler, I had her sat on my lap and the next thing i knew, she urined on me. HAHAHA. What an experience huh.

Met up with Miracle and we both had our cameras. HAHA. SNAP SNAP SNAP! Met her last year during CNY and we met again this year! maybe this should be our tradition * Winks *

Love this.

I love this the most.. I love the words. while editing this picture, i was reminded of how she will raise her head to look me in the eye and say, 'wa, you grew taller'. And this continued for awhile until it became a fact that im taller. HAHAA. Oh, i love memories, walking down memory lane with you. I think I'd always laugh when I see the words... Brings back memory doesnt it? after editing this picture, i send it to Miracle and she was like ' I thought its gna be sweet like the rest'. HAHA. i think this is quite sweet what!! ( see, thats how i always poke fun of her. I repent! )

RUBAN! Im so sorry. Cant meet you tmr. Got to go my aunt's place for dinner. who ask u stay so far!! ANDANDAND. i nvr make use of you okay! HAHA. Thurs my treat! hopefully can meet up lah. cause friday got presentation then need to practice lah... FAIR ALSO RIGHT! you ps-ed me TWO times cause of projects. haha. Im so petty. yeah, I am. forgive but cannot forget what! haha. kidding (: Friendship is give and take right! you nvr know, next time u may need my help... emm.. to woo a girl. a CHINESE girl. heh heh.

DARYL! you didnt get back to me! ASS. HAHAH.

But yay! I had fun with baby today. Its been so long since with met right right right? (:

Will be visiting Dad and relatives with aloy tmr. I miss you Stinky! Ytd after service, I was playing with Jeshua and he had this book with cats and a rat and i told Jeshua that the rat was you. HAHA. i miss you lah and no, i wont share my ang pow money with you! HAHA.

Get well soon idiot! Why fall sick during chinese new year!!

CIAOS!

2009-01-23T08:45:00.000-08:00

Psalm 73

1 Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong.
5 They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance.
11 They say, "How can God know? Does the Most High have knowledge?"
12 This is what the wicked are like—always carefree, they increase in wealth.
13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been plagued;I have been punished every morning.
15 If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!
20 As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

Dear all, I felt so much better after talking to Uncle James about my recent struggle, a common struggle that i guess many will go through. Right, Besties? (:

Although i often struggle with having one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom, i never really 'got out of it'. Its a constant struggle that visits me every now and then and cause me to have mood swings. When i don't have these struggles, I'd be so in love with God, at my height. Then one fine day these thoughts start to invade my mind and i began to doubt, AGAIN. I doubt my salvation, doubt God, doubt my choice. 'What was i doing?' I'd ask myself. I'd question my faith, my trust in God. my salvation. 'Why aren't I out there? With the populars, the 'in' people'. Sometimes I'd chuck the issue aside and move on in life. But seriously, you wont move far before these whole 'whats the meaning of life' begin to haunt you again. Slowly, the heart starts to wander and look at all the fun that people are having. Well, sometimes i do succeed in psycho-ing myself that life is good with God, that I'm on the right side of life.

But anyway, i spoke to uncle James, my spiritual Dad from vancouver ( YAY!) and he showed me psalms 73 ( refer to above) I felt so good when i just started to explore the psalm. It felt as if all my feelings were sumed up in this psalm. The feeling of injustice that Im missing out in life. Of the happiness that people are having while clubbing and smoking etc. They seemed like the happiest, no sorrow. Just live life 'my way'. No commandments to abide to, no 'no this, no that' to restrict what they wana/can do. They seem to have no burden. They have all the friends around them. They have anything they want, from wealth to friends to relationships. What the crap, i would think.

I failed to see how blessed I am. How my life is transformed after entering class. How I had the privellege to 'stand on my mentor's shoulders' and see things beyond my age. I see how many people made the wrong mistakes in life and had to live the consequences. How i was so blessed to avold those pitfalls, to learn from the mistakes of others and not have to bang my head against the wall and learnt from the hurts and pains. I was spared. Spared from guilt, from sin, from shame. I was rescued to a life of purity, a life that leads to only one destiny- success.

While others are out there struggling with life, I have no problems knowing what my life will be, who I am, who i gna be. I know for sure that i'd be sucessful, my children will be successful. I know that im blessed. I have people around me who believed in me. I have a community who watches over me and pray me into success. who believes in me. how many people have such privellege? i have many counsellors around me to guide me so that i will not follow their mistakes. DAMN. What else can i say but... 'wo shen zai fu zong bu zhi fu'.

2009-01-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

Went to camwhore with Wanting and Qirong ytd (: though it was only for a few minutes but managed to have some fun yay! Had b.acc2 test on tuesday night, 7.30pm. Studied all the way from 3.30pm till 7.30pm. BIG HURRAY to wanting for helping me! test was pretty easy. finish it within half an hour and went home! Had another test today. So woke up at 5 plus to study.

Thought I was gona fall ill again cause had headache again this morning. AHH! Woman, I forgot to call toptable. Will do so asap okay!

So had tests and projects to rush. Stupid Ruban didnt inform me before hand that he is not meeting me today :( so i was so bored! Wasted my 6hrs doing nothing and watching dvd. RARH! Luckily ChingKiat accompanied me to eat magee mee! He is my maggie mee partner! oh dangs. One more month to holidays yo! RP having their holidays next wk! not fair! And GB gona start soon. But im gona be missing it for the first series. AND AND AND lovey is coming back this friday! I MISS YOU!! Ah crap. This post is so messy.

Bye.

2009-01-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

IM ALIVE!

Heyo peeps (: Im so not in the mood to blog cause

(1) I think i live a mundane life.
(2) Im lazy to think back on what happened through the day.
(3) I think I'm such a bore you will fall aslp while reading my blog.

So checkout some outdated pictures taken by Darling bec's camera. (what can we ever do without you)

Presenting singing partner and me! Oh I love this picture the most out of the others we ever took! YAY! Girls rock the world upside down, seriously.

I was just typing about Becky when suddenly -perfectingsmiles- appeared before me (: HAHA. I was telling her that i was blogging about her. don't wry, it will surly be good. I love you too much, sweets. And and and, I'm so nice I wont blog bad about you. I miss you! And i know you miss me too! So lets go out soooonnn.... after my exams *winks* then there will be GB4 and i will be seeing you everyday, again. Then I will stay at your place, AGAIN! YAY!

Yo sexy junior (: YAY! He is comin TP! *please let him get in* prays hard. prays damn damn damn hard.

Oh the MIGHTY THREE (: erm. and mozzie's sexy sleeve.

Joseph! and this is about him advertising for his expensive phone. HAHA. Go rob him, yo.

Now Im gona start blogging. Like blogging about my mundane life. hehe. Don't you dare fall aslp asses. So yesterday was thursday. Anyone don't know that? Thursday is my day with Ruban! OMG! its been ages since i met him, and yes, he looked older. HAHA. Went to subway to eat during my four hours break. While waiting for him, i accompanied Johann for lunch and we went library to print some shit (:

Had sociology tutorial. went into the classroom and i asked Mr terrence how many more tutorials left and he said about five more ( I think its less than that though) and i said HUH, I wish i can take sociology for the whole of three years and he thinks Im bullshitting. HAHA. I seriously meant it. sociology is the best damn thing that happened to me in poly.

Met ruban again after class cause apparently he was stuck in his class waiting for his teacher to check his script so he was bored. But anyway, we went to have dinner at CS together and had a lot of crapping. YAY! He suddenly asked me. 'Do you wear dress one ah?' @#$%^&*^%$#
What siah. I do wear dress ok. ONCE IN AWHILE. Cause very *dangerous*. The wind blow ah, gone case already. HAHA. especially in TP, the wind is so damn strong. So to prove that i DO wear dress, i blogged photos in!!

Then we went to the interchange and this funny guy infront of me keep turning back to look at me, whom i find familiar too and next thing i know, the person beside him was FUSEN! AHH! i missed him man! They wana come TP too~ YAY! Im so happy cause i have got many friends who can go home with me alrd!!

Let mt list down some awesone people who MAY be coming TP (:
Hong gwhee, Kelvin, Amethyse, Fusen, Winson.

2009-01-05T04:20:00.000-08:00

03-01-09

He's got a twin!

2009-01-01T05:18:00.000-08:00

Meet the international songwriter.

Just like everyone else, I'm blogging cause its 2009 already! seriously time just pass so damn fast. It's like i havent had enough of sweet 17? But nonetheless, sweet 17 has been like a roller coaster ride. There were ups and downs, tears and laughter, breaking and healing of relationships. Its the year that mum and I experienced sweetness and joy in our relationship. But it took so much for that to happen. It took running away from home for close to a week, surrendering mum to God, surrending her life to Him, even at a risk of not having her around anymore. Today, mum and I can talk our hearts out to each other and enjoy intimacy in our relationship. I just told mum ytd that I'm taking business course now not because i want to, but because the people around me didnt gave me a choice. I felt that I didnt chose to be in this course. I wanted to pursue music and do what i like to do. But somehow, no matter how hard i try to communicate this to mum in the past, it never seems to get through. But ytd, she listened to me and i told her that im in business cause she wants me to. And she promise to let me go do what i want to do after poly. YAY! (: but i'd still do well in poly though.

Anyway as i was saying, 2008... the year that I have a new god father who loves me, who rebukes me, who supervises my quiet time. hehe. and he lives in Vancouver. He has been an encourager, and disciplines us when needed. ITs also the year Judah came to christ and joined CMC. He has been such a joy (: Teddy bear!\

Also, three musk were formed! oh! Faith got the three of us necklaces and on each was carved one of three words, Best Friends Forever. I also reconciled with Daniela in 08 (: Thank God for Hong ghwee too, who joined us in yyb!

For countdown, the church had a watch night svc that starts at 9.30pm which will last till midnight, where the fireworks show will begin- right before our very eyes, at the 30th floor. I kinda missed the show cause while the show was going, the lights were off, and while everyone was crowding by the windows, i had one purpose in mind. To find bestie out of the many others. But i failed. She was no where to be seen. Wanted to surprise her with the present while the fireworks were showing but since i cant find her, i placed the present back to my bag and return to enjoy the show. just when i was about to do so, the show ended =.- and i saw bestie. so ran back to my bag to get it and yay! surprised her~

The youths tonned at HSC that very night. was the first time i didnt sleep the entire night man!

Im looking forward to movies with Mr Heng tomorrow! And And, i just got a tub of rum and raisin ice cream! in this way, i dun have to pay $5 bucks every day just for one scoop of ice cream (:

2008-12-29T03:26:00.001-08:00

Damn. Picasa arent listening to me. The photos are so much nicer than these!!
Anyway, a few of the hundred of pictures taken (:

THREE CAN OVERPOWER.

03-04-05
There's no me without you.

Here's to all the times we spent together,
All the tears we share.
Thanks dear.

For the sacrificial love, for the pain.
I will always rmb how you carried me to and fro when my leg was sprain.

2008-12-14T05:43:00.000-08:00

CHALET (:

Me, Nicole, JunJun, Miracle.

Chalet at downtown east with Miracle's relatives.

I tied Nicole's hair, yo!

My boyfriend. HAHAHA.

Im a great girlfriend (:

Told you so, he likes me.

YAY! mummy of nicole!

Naughty Nicole purposely cut Miracle's face off.

Nicole's mum was complaining that her face look big and we should cover her body so i disturbed her and wanted to cover her whole face actually.

MIRACLE AND GRACE! (:

Lovely.

Nicole's mum was so cheeky. Asked why me and miracle was still single... and guessed that we were.... YOU KNOW WHAT.

whatever.

I had loads of fun with Nicole and Junjun! i wana tie her hair again! i wana do CPR on junjun again and make his whole face turn red! (: sweet kids.

Anyway, its sunday today and church was awesome. We could smell angels. smells like perfume, honey which represented the angel of revelation, rose, strawberry which represented friendship with God etc. The preacher told us that angels should be a normal part of our lives! While she was preaching, an angel told me to look at my hands. Actually the angel told me twice. the first time i thought it was my own thinking. But the second time, the angel told me to look at my hands cause there are gold dust so i thought, no harm checking out my palms. and... THERE WERE GOLD DUST! ZOMG! you always hear about it but you nvr experienced it and today we all experienced it! some had oil flowing out of their palms while most of the youths had gold dust on their hands (: cool man!

Went to aunty Flo's house to eat. she cooked slamon for us cause it's miracle's favourite! God was good and he spoke to me through uncle Fred. As aunty Flo was talking, i just saw uncle fred smiling and shaking his head and just enjoying her, and the holy spirit spole to me that that is how God smiles at us and enjoys us (: Im so happy! Im also glad that Joseph came to church today!

2008-12-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

TODAY MARKS THE END OF EXAMS!! (:

had two papers, B.acc and marketing. and i studied b.acc the whole of ytd. So B.acc is like from 9 till 10 and marketing is from 3 to 4. So i studied marketing within the break (: Met J at ITAS and we met at the library to study. Not really lah. J only came to accompany me for awhile. classmates were there too. but i didnt join them cause i figured it will be too noisy so i sat alone. Thank God J came and accompany me for while. He is so dan smart please. taught me a few things that CAME OUT IN THE TEST! YAY!

After which went eating with Anson! had so much fun crapping and laughing man. was suppose to attend some meeting actually. but have got seminar in church. though i wanted to go for the meeting, i was so much happier to be at the seminar... CAUSE, i met my potential JUNIOR! HAHA. Jeremy is so handsome!

Seriously, my friends think my taste is weird. Ppl whom i think is cute, they think is not. ppl whom they think is really gorgeous, i have differing opinion. HAHA. oh well. It's combined svc this sunday and Leon is coming!

Its so unbearable when you don't reply my sms and you have the last say. RARRH!

2008-12-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

Met daddy for lunch yesterday at northpoint at HK cafe!! (:

Daddy bought me a new pair of shoes and conditioner yo! Funny people leh. Always say no money no money then still let me buy things. But anyways, Dad accompanied me while i studied at np Mac. Got home at bout ten. So nice to have Daddy sit there to accompany me study. I miss those times in kindergarden when he will outline the chinese words for me while i just go over the dots. HAHAHA.

While eating lunch, Dad and I were talking about some relative and he said that this relative is not a good dad. So i asked... Is Yanjun's Dad a good dad? Then my dad gave me that sheepish smile and said no. i asked why, and he said cause yanjun's dad is ********. HAHAHHA. so i went on to ask, so what is YanJun like? He said YanJun is a warm person who can mix well with people.

PS. Im GRACELINYANJUN.

Im now chatting with this sri lanka tourist whom i made friends with on the road. Currently he is back here insingapore to see his friends but too bad im having exams now!!

Im addicted to rum and raisins. Ever since i tried it at CC, i went everywhere craving for rum and raisin ice cream. so i went to NP after school just to get one scoop of ice cream and Im home!

Its POM paper tomorrow!! I actually plan to stay home to study but... I hate it cause lesley is home! HAHA. i know im damn bad. but i dun like to clean up his mess! RARRH! but maybe i will. SIGH.

2008-12-07T22:15:00.001-08:00

I just got back from facial. (HAHAHAHA)

And i tried acupunture. It hurts like mad. The lady used a needle to poke my back then use some thingy to rub my whole back. I was laughing and screaming cause on one hand, it was very itchy cause my back is damn sensitive. i cant even let ppl massage me. On the other hand, it hurts like mad so im screaming. what a weird combi. OUCH. its still hurting now. But well, THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING.
Just did my quiet time, and Uncle James showed us an article on 'the costly decision to run from God'
http://www.intouch.org/site/apps/nlnet/content2.aspx?c=dhKHIXPKIuE&b=3813569&content_id={1D4026F0-74A7-4C79-97D4-D0123B0CB283}&notoc=1

It says here that we can NEVER successfully run away from God. seriously, who do we think we are to be able to run or try to hide from Him? HA. what small brain we have. But anyway, tests are coming and im gona go study. There arent much pressure lah. Cause I dun think im gona further my studies in Uni cause... Why study so hard when im gna be a financial consultant no? (: I kinda have some plans after Poly. shall pray and see where God leads, though I have got dreams to go to an overseas uni.

2008-12-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

I have been MIA for so long!!

Just got back from church camp. Had so much fun and am so glad we all bonded again. And we won the drama! Church camp is the time you get to see each other's silly moments at 3am in the middle of the night. who would ever know our youth pastor was so... cute.
'WEI WEI BU YAO PA NI SHI HAO WA WA'

And i figured something out while talking to justin on the bus. That is... when we all have a common goal, thats how we stay united. But somehow, after we all started school, we begin to drift apart to a certain extend. more for some. And it all just boils down to one thing, which is a common goal. When we all had one goal, that is to love God, be on fire, we were all so bonded won't we? now because of the camp, we come together and share the same dream again. so we were closer again. But you bet i missed school and the friends there. And sure glad that Kevin came too! Long-time-no-see-friend, yo!

Recently I have been having pretty bad struggles. Who said christian has no struggles. HAHA. B commented that she thought i was all holy-moly. Coolios. first time i heard that. But shit no. I struggle with so many stupid things. Like wanting to go clubbing and all. HAHAHA. i just wana have fun. *you know* yeah. Afterall, thats what my friends do. All i wana do was to 'check it out'. But the reason i have those struggles was because my heart was no longer focused on God. All this while a part of me wanted to experience what the world has got to offer. But well, the point is, I used to think that YYB was my family. I have dreams of us growing old together, raising our kids up together, being there to encourage one another in times of trouble. I used to think that this is where FAMILY is. where there is no backstabbing, where each and every of our voices are heard. Anything that is unsettled will be confronted so there will not be bitterness. It was the place where i experiece heaven on earth. Where all of us are true to each other to the best that we could. growing up, and growing old together. But while i had those struugles, i swing to the other extreme and was deceived to want to leave this family. The devil is really out to destroy me to lure me to leave this awesome people of God so i will 'die'. And in this church camp, i really learn alot. God spoke to me so much. He spoke to me and corrected many of my wrong thoughts and cause me to seet hings in a different light. Maybe you can call that, seeing the world through His eyes. I went to the camp, with a prayerful heart to want to experience a breakthrough from this mess. And God met those needs. It was no longer me trying to convince myself to do things God wants me to. It was an internal conviction to live life rightly.

I cant help but really wonder and think, how are the lives of people out there? I guess all of us are just looking for one thing in this world - LOVE. genuine love. wanting their voice and heartbeat to be heard, wanting to know that they are love. and each had their own solutions to this search. yet, which of it is actually the TRUE solution? Its a messy world, people. I'd be a fool to step out of this beautiful family. To return to hell when i had a taste of heaven.

Today after church i went with daniela to grab some stuff and we had to the 30th floor and we saw Baby Caleb. He is so chubby and cute LAH! and so smart (: i love him, and not forgetting Wesley.

Its PUBLIC HOLIDAY TOMORROW!!! YAY! but its a whole week of test already!! DAMN.

2008-11-22T05:27:00.000-08:00

First year anniversary.

Have you wondered why
Life seems so tough
Have you wished it was all a dream
Have you ever felt like running away
Feeling all so empty inside

If only life has got no sorrows
And I am void of feelings
If i can run and hide this mess
And pretend that all is fine
But I am losing myself
Losing myself
Again...

2008-11-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

I MISS SHAUNY!

Have been coming back home late the past two nights. Ytd was due to TPrawks. didnt got into Jam and Hop though. Didnt get the badge from Lois. but i wasnt really interested anyway. So we went to eat prata!! and i had my teh. heh heh. then i went back to the stadium to wait for yk. ZOMG. there is this guy wearing a swimming trunk I THINK. and he was jogging in the stadium. and next, you find him lying on the floor. ewwwwwwww! freako.

Then i was studying in school today till 8? dangs. No body was free to meet me for dinner! rarr! I was wishing that Ruban was there which was impossible lah. then next thing i know, he is standing so near to me! YAY! we went to have dinner at this nice place. But poor him, met with an accident. and his friend like is so pro with food places. ZOMG!

So yeah. past two nights i got home late. i was so scared to walk home lah. i wished shauny was there to walk me home!! RARR! then this guy was like so damn scary. He was like following my pace. EKKS!

2008-11-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

A step ahead.

AHH SWEET! I got a call from Hazel that Gene and I are gona be the emcees for TPRAWKS! Never did i dream about that man. actually they send us an email to check if we are free to be game masters but i didnt reply cause i had tut or lecture mah. then Hazel called me so yeah i agreed. woohoo! AND YAY! thats more points to SEAL points! Im so egg-citeeeddd! my first time being an emcee! OH. a dream came true. I get to gain experience but we got to dress funky. some weird themes (see below)

YOU TELL ME WEIRD NOT?!

As for captain's ball on saturday, we won two games. One is a walkover and the other is we won. And dangs. WOMAN! that guy's class all not there! sad man. But anyways, i think I'm old already. I never felt so tired playing sports. shit. i got to exercise. like SERIOUSLY.

Today for church service, we learn about the tabernacle and that one thing that cause many of us to draw away from God is the sense of guilt, condemnation. That's the tool of the devil to always remind us of our sins and cause us to feel that we are so useless and bad and hence slowly drift from God. So we learn that ITS ALL A LIE cause Christ once and for all for our sins. And also we learn that we enter into the outer courts through thanksgiving so each of us gave thanks one by one and some teared. YAY! hearts were softened (:

Then i went dinner with Becky, Joshy and Mozzie and Mummy. then we had tea!! yay! anyway, on our way back, we first accompanied Mozzie to the busstop and i carried Jeshua. He was asking why the bus haven't come and i told him, maybe u kiss me the bus will come faster. HAHA. so i kept tricking him and yeah, i got alot alot alot of his kisses today! RAR! he was mine for the today. hehe. feel so loved with the many many many kisses yo!

2008-11-15T07:07:00.001-08:00

Kisses send.

Heyo. I just got back from a great dinner (: Met new people and had my stomach satisfied. High class food leh. don't play play. HAHAHAH. So anyway, I'm tagged by Dan and im so excited to do the quiz cause its like my first time being tagged. HA. and of course, its because i got nothing to blog.

1. Do you have secrets?
It's a secret.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you?
Yeah. Ever did.

3. Do you enjoy going to sch?
YES! I love school, i love Ruban, M, I, woman and classmates.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Wow. Retire. Make my friends retire with me. Go around the world. Invest in GB kids. Shopping. Buy Vivo City over.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
You mean male best friends? No. A friend is a friend. Don't cross my boundaries.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both?
Being loved. But I'd wana love someone and be a blessing!

7. List out your 15 favourite songs:
SONGS BY DAVID CHOI! and christian songs. I dun wana list out.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
OH DANGS. I cant murder the girl can I? I'd just be damn bloody sad and get over him. HA! there are millions of others out there- if it's crushes you are talking about.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
NO, cause he is nowhere! or maybe, happy cause I'm alive!

10. What makes you angry?
Many. cheated?

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
SUCCESSFUL (: a mother. HAHAHA.

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
Shaunnyyy and VP and my dear gal peeps and family!

13. What is the most important thing in life?
HMM. learning to please God. Entering into my calling and destiny.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
NONE. I don't have a choice do I? Maybe single and rich. Then i will invest in orphanage and adopt children and hire maids! LOL.

15. What is your favourite colour?
Good question. Whatever i like that season.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Depends. If i really love him, I'd give more than just all.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
Whoever wins me heart. Whoever is more handsome. HAHA.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Depends. With the help of God, i could.

19. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
I like you? Tell me what will make you like me too (:

20. 5 people I have tagged:
MIRACLE, WOMAN, DYLAN, POHLI, IVOR.

2008-11-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

Love Love Love Love Love. Sorry I'm thinking of you.

Now I'm satisfied with my blogskin (: and i love my blog song. oh-i-ser-i-ous-ly love David Choi. i love my blogskin and i love my song. oh-lala. What you think what you think?

Eh woman! your test is coming in three weeks time i know! let's study! HAHA. anyway, thursday break is for RooRoo and friday is for Mel ( or-not. what an ass ) and the rest of the day is with WOMAN! (: Saw Ivor just now and his right hand was holding on to a sandwich and left hand is a drink. we walk past each other and seeing his hands so 'busy' , i took the sandwich away from him and thanked him and the sandwich is mine! But eh! Ben and Jerry's treat still on okay! dont you dare cheat!

Ahh. and so we all know. Obama won and economy experiencing recession. But i don't really care. Cause im satisfied with my blog. HAHAHAH! Im bored and i wana do the quiz dan tagged me but her blog is undergoing construction. and Russy send me super mario game! YAY! thats my childhood! ZOMG. its twelve already. i cant bear to sleep cause im addicted to my blogsong!

2008-11-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

shi-at.
Lappie'ssoslowanditsgettingonmynervesandihatemyblogskin.RARRR.

Anyway, i didnt go for lecture today. but i came to school. damnit. if only i knew no one would be present i will call no meeting. BOO. And hey, i got nothing to blog. so you are basically reading nothing. And yes, my tag board is gone and yes, daniela i will go the quiz -SOON. when you get your blog done anyway. so yeah. cobwebs are everywhere (: Eh. tomorrow theres this captain ball crap which i so dun really want to go, not that i dont want to but i have got other commitments but names submitted already lah. BOO. and business is my first choice. i hear woman saying im so fickle minded (: oh yeah, thats the friend you always hang on with. HA!

m' so freaking bored. but i dun wana move my ass. im hungry. but i dun wna move me ass. i wana study. but i dun wana move my ass.

in conclusion, all the above are hereby declared nonsense.

2008-11-09T03:44:00.000-08:00

Yours truly, Unglam (:

2008-11-06T04:57:00.000-08:00

Just got back from macs. had a long day from 9am till 6. intended to continue marketing work at mac but i was too tired so got home and recorded this song. HA! cause i didnt really like the imeem version. the video kinda sucks i know. cant help it rightt.... ignore it.

Take me in

Take me past the outer courts
into your Holy place
Past the brazen altar
Lord i want to see Your face

pass me by the crowds of people
and the priest who sing their praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But its found one place

Chorus
Take me in to the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the loamb
Take me in to the holy of holies
Take the coal, cleanse my lips,
Here i am

Anyway, met RooRoo for lunch and to study! YAY! and i borrowed a book called USELESS knowledge. had a good laugh. for example... Bats hang upside down cause their feets are too weak too take their weigh. and a female pigeon can only lay eggs when it sees another pigeon. If there are no pigeons around it, just a reflection of itself will settle it =.- what a narcissist.

2008-11-05T04:34:00.000-08:00

AHH, YOU.

Get out of my mind.

2008-11-03T05:54:00.000-08:00

Hey (: I have been studying hard. Really. right right woman? (: speaking of which, i just returned from studying at the CC. rushing my tutorial since i was really in a 'sian' mood last week and couldnt get down to work. nonetheless, im glad i completed it and have some spare time to blog.

Ytd i went to god-dad's place for crab! and its like... cooked with cheese and butter and pepper and chilli and cury leaves! ahhaaa! its great. really. it satisfy many senses at one go. i mean like... sweet and ... you know what i mean... and we watched a show about end times which is like so scary. one of which is the devil's mark of the 666 recorded in revelation. it shows of how technology have came up with microchips to ne inserted into a person's right hand to purchase things. like you just flash that chip that is gna be inserted on the top layer of your skin and you can purchase items. no more cash. And thats how the world will bleike in the future. How deceptive... Its happening now in the country of France. This will be the mark of satan.
How real end times are. i used to think that its gna be far away. i'd probably not live to see it. But signs are showing. calamity... immorality... technology... and the 666.

once in awhile, KONG KAWAH pops into my mind. i miss you! i miis hong kong! and i look forward to singapore flyer when you return! (:

this season, mum serene has been teaching us on the tabernacle of moses and how we can enter into the holy of holies from the outer courts and the holy place. on sunday morning while preparing for worship for yahyobabes, i chanced upon this song holy of holies which i had nvr heard before. so i check it out on imeem and learn it. a great song... my all time fav now.

i really love school. i love studying. HAHA. serious. and im in love with studying more cause i participate more now. which really does help in my studies. and theres such great satisfaction when i do my tutorials cause i put my heart in to do it.
but then, i am always conscious that studies, career, money arent everything cause it will all fade. which makes me more convicted that i will never want to work till i die. sometimes i wonder why people work and work. not as if they work cause they needed the money. i mean... that kind of salary is more that what one need. oh. im ranting again.

OH. im deciding to chose logistic to specialise in next yr. many of my friends were shocked. cause it used to be my last choice.

2008-10-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hi all...

HA! thats like the how i start of my quiet time with the yeos (:

anyway, i will be blogging lesser and lesser and lesser cause... there has been lots of adjustments to my life like sleeping early by 10pm so that i will have enough rest and able to attend tut the next day. WAHAHA. so yeah. i had my timetable and im just studyin studying and studying. Had never study so hard in my lifetime. and... im breaking out of my shyness to share my views in lecture cause i learn better that way.

And yeah, sociology rocks (: big time. And im going church camp. which means im skipping school! and the week that i come back, is the start of exam! what a great way to start my exams... going on a holiday! YAY!

recently, i feel that God is really changing me... in the area of thoughts etc. But its kinda sad too cause it feels like no one can understand. oh well. im a woman of strength! RAR!

2008-10-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

Cause there are no U-turns except through divine intervention.

Cause He took my brokened life and made me whole again.

i pray O Lord, You touch his life too.

Cause he is so dear to me.

2008-10-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

HELL-O to me, HELL-O to you!

i doubt becky likes this picture. ( she nvr does like any - well, except one lucky pic ).

So school started and JUST before school start. i got to know that WOMAN is seperated from me!! sobsob. why like that... feels weird you know.

ah. i hope my study plan works. like seriouslyyyy... and so friday is study day with jasony!
shit. i duno what to blog anymore.

2008-10-19T06:26:00.001-07:00

HEY YO, AWESOME PEOPLE.

long time no see. Anyway, im glad sexy is alive and kicking now. dangs man. everything is oh so sudden. okay. there are more pictures. i will post them post by post cause i freaking do not have enough pictures to entertain but seriously i love the picture i took with becca. HA! we rarely take nice pics together. but anyhowwww... school is like starting tomorrow and i shall like just crap alot here before i have to get back to my hectic lifestyle- or not.

So to define my holidays... well, pretty free but i guess it was a great holiday cause i really learn alot and grow alot cause many many many things happened in my life. like many many and is still going on which is like a few blows at one go when usually it comes like once in xyz time. so yeah. the more the tough situations i have to face, well... um. the stronger i get. dont play play ah! friendships are closer and sweeter. and of course, i get to go to honkie which was totally awesome. and i so wana go for globalship whatever CDS this sem! woohoo! oh. im taking sociology btw. and yeah, found a couple of people taking socio from B.A camp too.

im so happy cause i got a new pen from becky and it has been my wish that someone will get me a pen for some time. and YAY! God answered my prayers! im gona go school tmr with my special pen and... nothing.

SP is having talent time tomorrow and im so gona watch it. well, though i know no one but who cares right. i just enjoy watching.

2008-10-16T03:07:00.000-07:00

Cause no one will ever be perfect enough.

How does it feels... when you know things you should not know.

Get out of yourselves cause its not the end of the world... yet.

Calamity either make you stronger or break you. your choice.

And no, one does not just bear the consequences alone - cause the people around are the greatest victims.

2008-10-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

i ran away.

did you know?

2008-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Had dinner at Elisha's house to celebrate hari raya. not really used to the food though. Anyway this are the people present. Diz, Jas, Cyrus, me and Elisha (: stupid Mel and I no life man.

went to the playground to play blind mice and some stupid games. HAHAHA. no childhood you see. oh. and we tried monopoly. not with the paper money one. is with cashcard. It was so no fun cause i didnt have many houses and i just keep paying taxes and going to jail =.-

OH! i got an 'ang poh'. LOL. didnt expected the parents to give. The whole family are really nice people and i enjoyed talking to them. and gosh she has a super cute nephew whom refuses to let me carry him... :(

2008-10-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

MUSTAFA.

It was our date today. well earlier the night before we were like asking each day... 'where are we going ah?' But both had no suggestions so we decided that we will leave this worry for tomorrow. so woke up this morning and went online to check out some places of interest. So we agreed on mustafa. the place was so damn big alrights. they sell things like... clothes, shoes, cooking stuff, food, watched, jewellery, and the list goes on. But nothing really interest us cause well, we were really hungry and food was on my mind.

went to different places and finally decided on this shop that sells nasi briyani.

we both agree that northpoint's foodcourt is still the best.

Miracle claimed she was thirsty so we went to a nearby 7-eleven. on my way there i was like praying there would be mochi cause i have been craving for it and each time someone mentions 7-eleven, mochi is what comes to my mind but for a long time it has been out of stock. buffers me why too. so i went into the shop in search of mochi and nope, there were no stocks. but the interesting thing was, while i went for the second best choice which was ice cream, in the middle of nowhere lay my peach mochi! WEE! its a miracle!

Told miracle that i MUST try their prata. cause you in little india what right. so must try roti prata. HAHAA. it was nice and the best part was that the prata is not oily at all. like WHAT SIAH! you totally wont feel guilty indulging yourself with prata there. guilty-free product (:

last but not least, i ended with a teh tarek which was so-so. though it arent the best, i just love teh tarek. amazed by how they 'pull' the tea and it just taste great lah...

went to meet our F.A at city hall subway. well, we will be back to mustafa to explore more soon. Oh. did i mention i got a Levi's watch? heh heh. at a cheaper rate compared to outside and generally speaking, their things that are way cheaper. Great place to go if you are a housewife. HAHAHA.

2008-10-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

STEP INTO MY WORLD AND SING MY SONG.

HEAR THE UNSPOKEN.

2008-10-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

SIFE WORLD CUP WAS A BLAST!

i love nigerians (:
there was a cultural fair in the evening at suntec and 41 countries gathered with an attempt to share with the others a little about their country. we get to try their local delicacies and there was this country whereby the gummy is actually SOUR! eeks! thank God its not like that in singapore. HAHAHA. then there is France and they gave away free eiffel towers that is like really beautiful that comes in two colours - sliver and gold. then there is people from eygpt and their wore their costumes and you only get to see that kind of dressing in tv, cartoons to be more specific. so COOL! then there is nigerians. THEY ARE AWESOME! initially it was pretty boring cause i didnt know what to and how to talk to the different people. then at the entrance was the nigerian's booth and they were all dancing and singing which was really nice to watch cause there was this bond betweent them. so i ask them to dance for me to see and somehow they interpreted it as me wanting to dance with them so i got pulled into the circle. they are great people. they taught me their dance and i taught them chinese dance. great, sociable and lively people. i always love nigerian people. especially when a nigerian pastor comes to our church to preach whatsoever. WEE! i hereby declare my love for them more!

anyhow, mere words can never capture THE MOMENT especially when the chairman declared the start of the competition.

but here is 'THE THING'. i was wearing vietnam costume cause it was CULTURAL FAIR. on my way back, at amk station this boy who is my granny's son's son, who is my dad's nephew stood up and it was a pleasant surprise to see him anyway. i called out to him and yeah. he was pleasantly (or not) shock. HAHAHAHA. well. thats what happens when thou art guilty of certain things done. HAHAHA. on my way back home, made friends with cyrus. like ZOMG. i talk to himnot knowing he was cyrus and i was surpirse he was and really is cyrus cause all this while i only heard about him that he studies in TP blablabla from miracle and BOOM! im now talking to him due to some stupid event that happened before.

shall update with photos with the foreigners send 'em to me!

AND AS FOR THURSDAY...
i went to east coast beach with I, E and M! and coincidentally when we have plan this outing, some classmate text me to ask if we would like to go east coast to bike and blade. HAHA!
so we met at bedok station and i cab there! cause... i lazy to leave the house early. lazy to change bus change train. and i so regretted it. but nonetheless, we met up and off we went to east coast beach! but didnt bump into any of my classmates. and we rollerbladed except for mel. oh elisha you should be so thankful to mel right (: blading was great. like... its actually my first 'official' blading... its like ice skating. and i so love ice skating and have been wanting to go there but its so ex! roller blading is so much more cheaper and u can perspire. HAHAHA.

taught Ivor how to skate but seriously i suck at teaching cause im too accomplishment based. which means i aim to teach you how to skate and i will just keep pushing and teaching - if u get what im trying to bring across here. i was too impatient lah. oh sorry. haha. but i will be a better teacher. well afterall, u did get better with skating under my guidance right right right? and special thanks to mel who was our nanny for two hours! i THINK elisha enjoyed herself too cause she is dying for the next outing! oh i so enjoyed too! but i seriously hated the walking like very much! do you know how long we have to freaking walk to get to the bus stop which has bus 854?! and I always say that its very near, reaching already. i wonder whether its a good thing or not cause well, i guess it helps cause you will continue walking thinking that its near. but on the other hand you feel so damn cheated cause IT IS SO NOT NEAR! But but but. playing at the swing and the playground with the imitation of 'Osim upapa' was rather great. HA! andandand seating at this big big stone which is above sea level and you hear the waves splashing and just sitting there, the four of us, was a beautiful sight, forever embedded in my memory. though it was honestly a pity we had no camera to capture that special moment, i guess even pictures inside can nvr fully duplicate that special moment. next trip will be pulau ubin! ( i think ) it will be great if Diz will be able to join us (:

send aloy a file on muttons online and he said he love muttons and wana send me one that he likes too. but i think he deleted it or something? so when he received that file and heard it.. he was like... ' i wanted to send you that too '. LOL! cousins rock rock rock ah!

I LOVE ALOY!
( he insist i put 'as a cousin behind'. but im so not gna to. ' i then dont wana watch with you alone wor ' like duh! what else can i love you as! HAHAHA. BYE )

2008-09-29T02:27:00.001-07:00

CHINA-TOWNED

27/09/2008

credits to Miracle.

Those were the times man. those times before Os. those times studying for Os. Those times when my hair was still not long. HAHAH.

This was damn unglam of me. and its so hilarious. brings back so much memories!

Happy 30th month anniversary!
was saying that we shall have a big celebration on our 100th month anniversary...
er... thats like when we are.... 23 years old (:

awesome nightlife. should go there more often. like seriously. they have things that are real cheap and nice. ohh. did i mention the good food? ( cheap too ) we had tang yuan and mango kacang. there is really alot more man.

Life is not about waiting for a good friend to enter your life but first being a good friend yourself to someone else.

Today
anyway my camera is like dead. i dont know why. went to get a new battery from funan mall but it still doesnt help. boo. i cant take pictures anymore :( But anyway, i didnt get to watch mamamia cause its like killing ru to watch with me. HAHA. but im glad we didnt cause instead we went starbucks. talking about starbucks i have been bugging to go there since two weeks ago! but anyway, we went there and we had a good chat. Wee. so nice cause he can understand what im saying without me explaining much! and bonus is that he is a deep thinker too! the exchange of thoughts you know. life hasnt been nice for me the past few days and it seems like going back to the 'original' state arent as easy as before this time. but its nice cause meeting a fellow christian and talking it out is great. especially when he can emphatise with me. oh sweet. He told me that whatever it is, never give up this faith... many atimes i want to. really just wana give up and go and do the things i want. all will be so much easier. and what comforted me most is when he said that this walk is not easy... so nice cause he understands... and i said that though many times i verbally wana give up, i know that i wont... cause there is no where else for me to turn except God cause all this while my life has been significantly transformed and i tasted the goodness of God. thank God cause i found a new friend to talk to while lovey is gone in school...
:( i miss you! fly back here lah!

As i was heading back to the mrt station this stranger approached me to ask me the way to the train station and as we were walking there we started to chat and apparently he was heading to woodlands so we trained tgt. He is from sri lanka (: told him that i study about sri lanka in social studies. HAHAHA. wee. i made a new friend. but he will be returning back on wednesday.

MAMAMIA tmr with juney!
FINALLY!!

Missy GRACE

♥ Baby you know I'll be your princess ♥

♥

God of this City - Chris Tomlin

♥

If anyone cared.

♥
Baby you know I'll be your princess ♥